He drops his hands from my face and slides them under my shirt, grabbing me around the waist. He lifts me up and pushes me back onto the bed. My lips never leave his as he lowers himself on top of me. I’m losing all control. I wrap my arms around his neck, holding him closer, tighter so he can never leave.
His hands wrap around my hips and pull me into him as he kisses me with more intensity than before. He’s killing me.
I need to feel his flesh, so I grab the bottom of his shirt, pull it over his head, and throw it on the floor. I look down and my mouth drops open. Holy muscles. He laughs at me and shakes his head.
“That bad, huh?”
“Disgusting, actually. Mind if I grab your shirt? You looked much better when you had it on.”
“Is that so? Well, in that case, I’ll keep it off so I can continue to gross you out… Just don’t puke, all right?” He pushes up on his hands and winks at me.
“I’m trying my hardest to keep it down.”
“Are you really?” A flicker of concern darkens his face.
“No, silly. Lay on your back.” I can’t help but laugh as I try to pull him down.
“Why?”
I don’t answer. Instead, I roll him over, straddle him, and kiss him. Then I run my tongue down his neck to his chest and kiss every inch in between as my fingers glide over his biceps.
I want to feel him. I want all of him. I take his hands and place them on my shirt. He looks at me and shakes his head.
“No, I just want to kiss you,” he says. I run my hands up and down his chest, feeling him tremble underneath my palms.
He growls. At least I think it’s a growl. “Your turn. On your back you go!”
This time he straddles me. He interlaces his fingers through mine, guiding my arms above my head, and holds me there while he kisses my wrists, elbows, and back to my lips. I could kiss this boy until the day I die.
We stare at each other, more vulnerable than ever. Desire dances in his black eyes.
He runs his mouth from my collarbone to my lips, kissing every delicate area on the way. I’m on fire. I wrap my legs around his hips and force him closer. Unleashed.
“Baby,” he says between kisses, “we can’t.” He gradually pulls my arms from around his waist, but I pull him closer. He stops arguing and gives in, only to try again. “Not here, not like this.” His voice is rugged with desire as he unwraps my legs from his hips.
I pull away, breathing hard, confused. I was just getting started. I turn my head to the side, trying to hide the tears in my eyes.
“No, Lexi. It’s not what you think.”
“And how could you possibly know what I’m thinking?”
“You’re pretty easy to read. Would you at least look at me?” He turns my head until it’s facing his. “Think about it. I’m your guard. We can’t risk having a baby… They’d automatically suspect me. If they found out, they’d kill me, wait for you to deliver, and then force you to kill our child before finishing you off,” he says as he stares down at me from above. “I won’t put you through that.”
My mind was so wrapped up in him I totally forgot where we lived, and he’s right. We can’t risk getting pregnant no matter how much we want it. I sigh in frustration and try to think over the pounding of my heart.
“This really, really sucks.”
“Yet you look relieved,” he says. He rolls off to my side and props himself up on his elbow while using his free hand to play with my hair.
“Just relieved you still want me. I was so scared while you were gone, scared you’d hate me or think I’m weak and disgusting.” I choke on the lump in my throat and roll to face him. “And now, we’re stuck hiding what we are… Now I know how Claire felt and it scares me even more.”
“Not once, ever, did I think you were any of those things.” His eyes widen with intensity as he places his hand on my cheek. “To tell you the truth, I think you’re incredible. I mean, look what you’ve been through—the fact that you’re still sane and functioning…”
“Okay, that’s enough. I don’t want to think about that right now… Let me soak up this moment with you.” I roll onto my back and play with the gold band on my finger. My ring doesn’t weigh much, yet it brings a burden of responsibility with it. My father must’ve known the road ahead wouldn’t be easy when he gave it to me. He wouldn’t want me to flippantly give up or give in. The inscription, as always, gives me strength for the moment.
“So… how are we going to be able to hide this? Sutton and Bruno already suspect. And it’s going to be really freaking hard to look at you without smiling,” I say as I turn my head toward Cole. “No one can know about us… I can’t lose you. There’s no way I can overcome that.”
“I know.” His smile fades into a solemn expression. “If anyone asks, just tell them Alyssa gave it to you.”
“Hope that works.”
Banging on the door makes Cole fall off the bed. Zeus, who was lying at the foot of the bed, begins howling. Cole’s feet get caught on Zeus as he tries to answer the knock and I stumble to the chairs at the table. We must look ridiculous, scrambling to look normal, but our survival depends on it. My fear wins over my sense of humor.