“I don’t know that I trust anyone.” A wave of guilt overrides my anger when I realize that Cole and Sutton are the only reason I’m still alive. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” Sutton’s compassionate eyes meet mine and he carefully pats my hand.
“Look, I know this is hard. It tore me to pieces to find you in the shape that you’re in, but you have to trust me. I’ll take care of the details. Cole’s life and yours are at stake. He could be executed for his part in this.” He continues, “The few guards who have protection orders have no room for error. On top of that, he killed other guards to save you. Do you understand what I’m telling you?” He pauses with raised eyebrows in expectation. “You think this is bad, and it is, but it can always get worse in here.” I can see the seriousness in his eyes over the rim of his glasses.
“Okay.”
I don’t really have a choice. Cole and I will spend a lot of time together as usual, and I shouldn’t do anything stupid when he’s not there. I shift my weight to my other side, gritting my teeth against the twinges of pain that shoot through every muscle.
“Ugh. I feel helpless laying here. Can I please get up?” Staying in bed only exacerbates my anxieties.
“Sorry, but you’re on bed rest for the remainder of the day. With help, you can use the bathroom, but otherwise, just lay here and rest. You might have a concussion too. I couldn’t do an MRI since you’re here so I’m erring on the cautious side.” He leans back into the chair and evaluates me carefully. “There’s one more thing we need to discuss.” He lowers his eyes, and folds his hands in his lap.
I seriously don’t want to talk anymore. I just want to be alone. I’m scared of what he’s going to say next, but he catches me completely off guard.
“I know everything about you from my reports. I know you’re aware of that part. In the report, is a detailed description of your sin and plain as day it says—‘The prisoner was caught by her mother having sexual intercourse with an unidentified male.’”
I nod my head, already knowing this. The newspapers always publish a list of sinners and their crimes. Why are we going over this now? I become tense with the reminder.
“Here’s the part that confuses me. You were found guilty as a sinner, branded, and sent to the Hole. You didn’t have to fight this in the least, did you?”
I look at him and feel lost. What on earth is he talking about? I never had a chance to plead my innocence. They found me guilty without an investigation and hauled me away. There’s no such thing as due process.
“I’m not sure I know what you’re asking me.” I scrunch my forehead in confusion.
“I performed a test to make sure you weren’t raped. Cole wasn’t certain if he’d gotten to you in time. Thank God it was negative. You were never raped—but not only will that test reveal a recent sexual encounter, it can report any sexual intercourse that’s happened. It scans the tissues and checks if anything has been stretched, torn, or irritated. It then shows us if you are intact.” He leans over and reaches for my hands. I take a deep breath knowing what’s about to come out of his mouth. “My dear, you’re a virgin and that’s a medical fact.”
I squeeze his hands hard as my eyes fill with tears. One of them travels over my cheekbone and drips off onto my collarbone. I meet his calm and caring eyes.
Finally. Finally. “At least you know the truth.”
“I don’t understand why you didn’t proclaim your innocence from the beginning. You shouldn’t be here,” Sutton says while shaking his head.
“It wouldn’t have mattered.” I shrug my shoulders and feel the pain jolt through me again.
Cole stands in the doorway with a stunned look on his face. I didn’t even realize he returned, but he heard everything. I’ve been sullied and vindicated all at once. Sutton turns and sees Cole’s expression.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve believed you,” Cole says.
“Are you sure about that?” I ask him in a hushed, cracked voice.
His eyes flash with anger and pain. I close my eyes and exhale as another hot tear spills over. I don’t care if anyone else on earth knows the truth about my sin—the two people who saved my life know the truth, and for the first time I feel free. Not free. I’ll never be free from the past.
I wipe the tear away and glance at Cole. He looks perplexed and I know exactly what he’s thinking about. He wonders what really happened to me, before I ended up here. Despite our differences, I owe my life to him over and over already. I can’t imagine what I’ll owe him for the lifetime of sacrifices he’s made to protect me. There’s no way I can ever repay him. Or is there? If he asks me for the truth, can I overcome my fears and tell him?
Sutton stands up, breaking the tension. “I’ll come by tomorrow to see how you’re doing. Right now, I have to get back to the hospital to check on my patients. If anything changes or you have any questions, please call me.”