“Yes.”
I try to steady my hand while I write, but the letters look like a third grader wrote them. I can’t stop wondering why, out of all things, he chose to be a guard. I bet it’s the control, but I’ll never ask.
He tells me there’s no public transportation within the Hole. He explains how the buses take the sinners to high-speed trains that transport them to their jobs if their jobs are up north in High Society or farther away. However, very few people are authorized to come and go freely—none of which are sinners, of course. The majority of the population is branded red, black, or yellow. He says the blue tend to die off quickly, either from suicide, disease, or murder. Orange keep to themselves and green hangs out with purple. Stay away from all reds—no matter what.
He tells me that the gangs are growing, violence is increasing, and everyone’s starving. Some areas are safer than others, but pretty much everywhere is dangerous, especially for me.
I absorb every disturbing detail. Children born here are forced to live the remainder of their lives in the Hole. The commander believes they carry the blood of sinners within them and, therefore, don’t deserve to leave.
I drop my pen on the table.
He huffs a heavy sigh. “Now what?” I feel him shift in his chair.
“How could anyone be so cruel?”
“Forceful is putting it lightly. Then again, if he weren’t, you’d think he was soft enough to try and escape, right?”
I shake my head. “I just don’t understand why you’d want to join the guards.” After the sentence slips out, I clench my teeth in expectation of his response.
Will he lash out and hit me or will he finally rip me to shreds?
He gives me a hard look and avoids my question. “Can I finish?”
“Yeah, go ahead.” I lean back and cross my legs at my ankles. “But I have one more question.”
“Seriously?” he asks.
“Are all sinners treated equally?”
“Yes.”
“Then why are you protecting me?”
“That I can’t answer.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“Both,” he says. “I was ordered to watch you, and that’s what I’m doing. There’s nothing more to tell. Now please shut up and let me finish.”
He tells me all the rules without any personality. His monotone voice flips through the pages. No this. No that. No one but the guards has rights here. Trudging through all the details of my new arrangement takes all of the morning, afternoon, and part of the evening. He shows me maps of the Hole and the hospital, which stands in the center of this monstrosity. He writes out my schedule for the week, which consists of my cell, work, and back to my cell. The Hole runs just like a prison but without bars to hold everyone in place. He says the commander believes the judicial system that used to exist was full of flaws and a waste of time.
“After all, it’s easier and cheaper to keep everyone in one location,” Cole says.
I totally disagree.
“You should just kill me. You have a gun, and no one would care.”
“Lexi.” I feel his eyes on me. “What’s wrong with you? You think I want to kill you?”
“I’m a waste of your time.”
“My job is to protect you, not kill you.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“Without me you’d be dead, so yes, for whatever reason, I am.”
I’m not sure what he means by that, but I’m done asking questions today.
I lower my eyes to the table, feeling shame mixed with despair. I’ll never get out of here. Either he’ll be with me or some crazy person will do worse to me in the streets.
“I’m not going to hurt you.” His voice is shaky with an edge of desperation. “I thought we already established that.”
“Sorry.” I stand and smooth out my shirt. “May I go back to my cell for a minute?” Tears sit on the rims of my eyes, and I pretend to rub them when I’m really trying to keep from crying.
“Sure.” He gives me a conflicted look and then rips his gaze away.
I head back to my empty room and cover my mouth with my shirt as the tears spill out. My circumstances seem so dismal.
Yet there’s got to be hope, right? Cole said he didn’t want to hurt me.
Zeus lies down next to me and nudges my elbow. I slide away from him, spying his silly sideways expression and smile.
Is he trying to comfort me?
Cole calls from his room. “As soon as I’m ready, we’ll head over to the hospital. You have to be familiar with the building. I won’t be with you when you’re working so you need to know what to expect,” he says from the doorway. “Would you come back so I don’t have to yell?”
“Where will you be?” I grudgingly return to his room.