“Would you like me to touch you, so you can come too?”
I stared at him. He sounded so matter-of-fact. I shook my head. I wanted his closeness, but not like this, not now. He nodded and grabbed the pants from the ground, then put them on. “I have some more work to do and I need to visit another of our casinos. I’ll be home late. You don’t need to wait up for me.”
I nodded, couldn’t have said a word if I’d tried.
After another lingering glance at my naked body, Dante walked out of the room. I listened to his retreating steps. When I couldn’t hear him anymore, I sat up, and winced at the twinge between my legs. I stared down at the washcloth in my hand, which had a few pink spots on it, and a silly sense of accomplishment filled me. It banished the disappointment over Dante’s coldness. For now I wanted to be happy. I’d finally gotten what I wanted. Now that Dante had given in once, I was sure he would have a much harder time holding himself back. And I was determined to make it as hard as possible for him. I’d gotten my first real taste of pleasure; from now on I wanted to experience it over and over again.
CHAPTER TEN
I didn’t even notice Dante slip into bed that night, but his side was rumpled, so he must have slept in it. I spent a few more minutes in bed, feeling somehow lighter now that I’d ripped down one barrier between Dante and me, but I wasn’t kidding myself into believing that sex would change our relationship fundamentally. I didn’t think Dante would suddenly act like the loving and caring husband I’d wanted when I was younger. It was strange. While Antonio had never been able to give me what I physically needed, he’d been my friend and confidante. We’d spent time together when he wasn’t busy and I’d never felt overly lonely in our marriage. I had a feeling the same wouldn’t be true in my second marriage. Even if Dante now satisfied my sexual needs, it would take some time before we’d become partners.
After I’d showered and dressed in my favorite plum pencil skirt and a white blouse, I headed into one of the guestrooms that now harbored a few of my moving boxes that I hadn’t unpacked yet. It took me a few minutes of rummaging before I found what I was looking for, a wooden case where I kept a few things from Antonio. Inside were our wedding bands, which I’d never much cared about. The most important thing in the case was a thin photo album that held mostly pictures of the time before Antonio and I had married. Back then we’d only been friends without the added weight of having to pretend to be more. Antonio looked nothing like Dante. He had dark hair and dark eyes, and wasn’t very tall. He’d never wanted me to wear heels so I wasn’t taller than him. But appearances weren’t the biggest difference between my first and my second husband; that was their aura. Where Antonio had been open and friendly, someone people perceived as a likeable albeit ordinary buddy type, Dante oozed power and cold. Nobody would mistake him for a follower. If Dante hadn’t been born into our world, he’d probably be a governor or senator. He would have done well in that world. But as with all of us? our birth determined our fate. We were all bound to the mob. I glanced down at a photo of Antonio and me on a horse. It had been the first time for me. We both looked young and happy, hopeful. Antonio hadn’t been inducted into the mafia back then, had still thought he could find a way out of his duty.
I put the wooden case back down before I could dive deeper into sad memories. I straightened, took a deep breath and left the guest bedroom. There was no going back, but it wasn’t always easy to move forward, especially if you didn’t know which way to go. But I needed something that gave my life meaning and structure, something I could put my energy into, as long Dante didn’t let me into his life.
I missed having a purpose, a daily task. I wasn’t someone who could sit at home all day, or spent our going over the newest piece of juicy gossip. I wanted a job, but even during my time with Antonio, people had found it strange that he’d allowed his wife to work. I worried that it would be a scandal Dante wasn’t willing to risk.
My steps slowed as I headed toward the door he hid behind almost all the time. I wasn’t only nervous because I wanted to ask Dante for a job. What if things would be awkward and strained between us now that we’d slept together? Though I really wasn’t sure how our relationship could take a further nosedive down. We were already barely being civil to each other. Apart from throwing dishes at each other’s heads and bickering constantly there really was no way our interactions could change for the worse. And to be honest, I wasn’t even sure if I wouldn’t prefer heated fights to the cold ignorance I was getting now.
Gathering my courage, I knocked at his door.