Stopping.
This time, when he freezes it’s not for a second. He doesn’t kiss me again, no matter how close I press myself against him.
He holds me tight, but his mouth is buried in my hair now, and he’s…I can feel him locking himself down. It starts in his arms, a tightening that moves to his core. All the muscles contracting, until the only part of his body that is still good-to-go is his dick, and he’s proven time and again that he’s willing to disappoint both me and his cock, so I’m not holding out any hope for that part of him to convince the rest to get back in the kissing-and-more game.
“You’re a frustrating woman,” he whispers roughly.
“So you do think of me as a woman,” I sigh. Well, that’s a bittersweet victory.
He huffs at that, then we stand there, hugging for another long moment before he finally says quietly, “Key takeaway is that you’re frustrating.”
“I beg to differ.” I smile, because it’s my birthday, and I got cupcakes and one hell of a kiss. I refuse to see this as a failure. Rome wasn’t built in a day. “I take it you weren’t planning on kissing me?”
“I was trying to explain why we can’t happen, so…yeah. I wasn’t planning on kissing you.”
“But you did.”
“I did.”
“It was…hot.”
His grip tightens around me for a second. “Unbelievably hot. If I were any other man…”
“And I were any other woman?”
“No. You’re perfect just the way you are.” His lips dust lightly over mine, then he deepens the kiss just long enough for his tongue to brush mine. My insides flutter at the angsty hope that we might do more, but he pulls back again.
“Scott?”
He shakes his head. “I can’t. And it’s not because I don’t want you. But I won’t like myself in the morning, and neither will you.”
“I will. How many times do I have to tell you, I’m not asking for more than one night?”
His mouth tightens into a firm line. “I’m done with The Horus Group. This weekend is my last protecting Hailey.” What? I shrink back from him, first inside the circle of his arms, then he lets me go. “I should have told you earlier.”
I can’t look at him. I wouldn’t be able to look at myself, either, so it’s good that there aren’t any mirrors in my line of sight. I’m such a hypocrite. I stare over his shoulder, willing the floor to open up and swallow me whole, because I don’t want him to see me reacting like this. Like anything. I’m fine with that. I push as much indifference into my voice as I can. “Thank you for telling me before…”
He lets me trail that off. We both know what I mean. He nods gruffly. “Now you understand.”
No. I don’t. Because I still want him, still miss his mouth on mine and his arms around me. Even if it would have just been for one night, I wanted to have him.
And now he’s fading out of my life, which is his right. He was never mine to begin with.
“Go back to school, Ali. Find a nice guy who worships the ground you walk on, who will make you feel like a goddess and keep you safe.”
I huff a laugh, because the only man I trust to keep me safe is standing right in front of me. Too bad he doesn’t meet the first two criteria. “Pipe dream.”
“It’s not.” His voice is rougher than sandpaper as he stares at me. “You haven’t given it a try, have you? Have you even dated anyone your own age?”
No. I clench my jaw and stare at him. “I think you made it clear that your sex life wasn’t my business. So…ditto. None of your business, Mr. Mayfair.”
He shoves his hands in his pockets. Tension is vibrating off him. “Why haven’t you?”
“Because I couldn’t!” I yell, startling both of us. He moves closer and I shake my head at him. I don’t need to be comforted. I exhale roughly. “You know how f*ck
ed up my family is. I never wanted to be like them. But I am, you know? I don’t want to date some guy from school. So I guess the apple doesn’t—”
“Stop it.” He’s closer again. Push. Pull. Yes. No. We’re the worst kind of perpetual motion machine.
I nod. We definitely need to stop it. He’s been saying it all night. I stumble backwards, moving around a barstool toward my room. “Yeah. Good night.”
“Ali…”
“Don’t.” I shake my head. “Thank you for the cupcakes. And the kiss. The rest of it…I’m going to pretend it didn’t happen, and I trust you will do the same.”
His jaw flexes and his eyes glitter with frustration, but he doesn’t say anything else. He just watches me back into my room.
I close the door with a touch more force than is necessary.
When I wake up in the morning, he’s gone.
—six—
Scott