“I don’t know how it could be,” I said honestly. My lungs were burning, my feet aching in my boots. I stopped wiping the sweat off my face a long time ago. “What would be the point of bringing us out here?”
“Maybe we’re supposed to be a diversion. Maybe Javier is setting you up to distract them while he swoops in and takes over. Maybe that’s why you were left behind.”
I shook my head, droplets of sweat flying. “I don’t think so. Why were you left?”
“I’m a diversion too.”
“But if we’re a diversion, then it means we are being set up to fail. They’d want Travis to take us … worse, kill us. Javier wouldn’t do that.”
He stopped and turned to look at me. “You just said that you wouldn’t put it past him to set you up.” His voice was ragged and unmistakable anger burned deep in his eyes.
I threw up my hands and sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to think. I …” I remembered what Violetta had said about Javier throwing me under a bus if he had to. I swallowed hard. “I think he’d use me, use us, to get what he wants. But I don’t think he’d ever put my life in danger.”
He raised his brows then laughed wickedly, looking up at the sky. “Wow. You have got to be kidding me.”
“What?” I asked, my heart began to thud loudly in my ears.
“What? Ellie, from the start he has been pulling all the puppet strings and you’ve been pulled willingly. You say he wouldn’t put you in any danger but he sent you to Travis’s house to kill him. He made you cozy up to the sick bastard. If that’s not putting you at risk, I don’t know what is. I would never do that to you.”
“And then he saved us. He also saved you again. On the roof. He didn’t have to do that.”
“Didn’t have to save a human being’s life? Who would?” he scoffed.
“Why are we even arguing about this?” I said. My pack was feeling too heavy so I put it on the ground. I hated fighting with him though I knew where it was all coming from. There was a lot of truth in Camden’s words and still a lot of resentment. Toward me.
“Because …” He sighed and turned away. “Because I can’t help it. I can’t stop thinking about … what we did.”
My lungs were definitely working overtime now, my heart feeling as if it were being squeezed by icy fingers. I didn’t like where this was going. Why couldn’t we get over this? Why couldn’t my heart stay intact for a fucking minute?
“What we did?” I asked carefully. “You mean when I fucked you in the bathroom? Or was it what I said?”
He gave me a dirty look. “Was that what it was to you? Just a fuck?”
“Oh my god,” I exclaimed. “What is wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me?” he repeated. His smiled coldly. “Excuse me if I have problems taking your words at face value.”
That fucking hurt. No, that fucking killed me, knife to heart.
Another hit of thunder slammed through the sky and in seconds the clouds broke open. Heavy rain pounded down on us, soaking us in seconds. The forest roared with the sound of raindrops hitting the leaves. Just perfect.
I didn’t even know what to say to that. My mouth fumbled for words, the rain streaming down my face. If I started crying he wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.
“Why can’t you just forgive me?” I pleaded. “I’m not lying, Camden. I’m being more honest than I’ve ever been.”
“How could you sleep with him so easily and then do the same to me?”
I put my face in my hands, trying to contain myself. I took in a shaky breath and looked at him. He was barely visible through the sheets of rain.
“I can’t take back what I did,” I told him, my voice raw, threatening to crack. “I have my reasons and you know what they are. I can only control what I do from now on in. I slept with you because I love you. I told you the truth in that bathroom. You can decide to forgive me or not, but it’s not my problem anymore if you don’t. I gave you my heart. You have it. You should know you have it. If you can’t find it in yourself to give me another chance then that’s your problem. Stop punishing me for the past when the only thing we have is right now!”