Bluffing the Devil

chapter 1



“Alexia, will you come ON already! My God, I'm going to be a grandmother by the time you get it in gear! You’re like the slowest person ever today, what’s wrong with you, weirdo??” Victoria huffed as I tried to keep the utter look of boredom and disinterest off of my face.

She only got away with such exasperating sounding commands as one of the many privileges of being my best friend. Her dazzling emerald eyes often worked on lesser creatures, but not me. I am either a stone-cold ninja with the ability to not melt at gemstone-colored, doll-like eyes, or I am oblivious to her charms after all of these years. Her gaze was locked onto me like a starving lioness waiting for her next meal and I was totally unmoved. She was nearly begging me to step up my pace, or be her next meal. If I didn't love her so much, I might be afraid of such a deadly combination of fiery red Pixie-cut hair and dagger-shooting laser vision. Yes, ninja it is.

Victoria and two other friends were trying to force me to keep up with their ridiculous pace on their boring idea of an "adventure". I had been in Atlantic City at least two dozen times before. Whenever a good poker event was coming to town or someone I idolized was going to be there, I would put my game face on, and head out to see if I could add to my growing bank roll. I hoped to learn some secrets or tips to the game that I loved so much. I didn’t always win, of course, but it was always a rush, and I was always learning something new. True poker players know that you cannot win them all, but you can always learn something in every game. Focus and concentration on every aspect was the key.

We were strolling down the Boardwalk, well I was strolling, they were nearly galloping, in search of somewhere new and exciting to have dinner my mind was just not on the right track apparently. I stuffed my hands in the pockets of my hoodie and tried to keep up with their quicker-than-necessary pace. I mean, we are in one of the most gorgeous places on the Eastern seaboard and they were running past the beauty of the water, the lights, and the sounds to be stuck in some glistening restaurant. While that might be nice and fancy for some people, I'd rather take a sandwich and a piece of fruit down to the beach and enjoy the waves and peace. There's nothing quite like the different array of colored lights dancing across the waves as they crash to shore. The light and water tango was a beautiful mixture of color and power that created a perfectly peaceful moment in my soul every time I saw it.

The dreams must be getting to me. I haven’t been able to focus on much of anything else lately except that delicious sample of man that kept creeping into my dreams. Of course, it could simply be because I had decided to give up on men forever and was just in the right mindset for the dreams. Either that or I was tense and needed some serious exercise, or a good tumble in the sack was in order. Exercise was much easier to come by and with it way less attachments, so I had been hitting the gym at least six times a week. This particular week, after he entered my dreams, I had not been able to focus on much more than the need I felt. Great. Now I was turning into some raging nympho in my mind with no outlet. Way to think things through, Alexia! Put on your big girl panties… or any panties for that matter, and focus on your goals for a change, would ya?

Of course, it’s not as if I could really control those dreams anyway. Every night, I dream. I always have. My dreams used to be about mysteries, or fantastic days that I hoped to one day live. Like a trip to Australia where I get to go snorkeling, go to the Sydney Opera house, play in the Aussie Millions tournament (yes, I’m only slightly addicted to poker, but that’s normal… right?), and see things that you just do not see in the states. I am totally willing to forgo the experience of the ginormous snakes I'd seen on National Geographic. They are cute, from a distance. Like Monet paintings and sticky children.

Other dreams would be almost psychic in nature, and then suddenly I started dreaming about this stranger, every night. It’s not as if they are bad dreams. On the contrary, they were probably some of the most delicious dreams in history - all dark, mysterious, and a complete fantasy for the books. I could never see his face, didn’t know his name but I remembered how he smelled, what every touch of his hands felt like all over my body, how his lips tasted….. whoa! Nympho alert!! See? Wait… shouldn’t I be replying? Didn’t someone ask me something? Oh yeah…

“Seriously guys, I offered to stay at the hotel and just get room service and chill before my tournament starts. You do not need to do me any ‘favors’ my bringing me out to walk around a city I have seen a zillion and thirty-seven times,” I protested even though I knew they were probably right to get me out and try to get me to do something. The dreams had me wishing I could sleep more and more. For an insomniac to try at all hours of the day to find any excuse to nap is just proof that the dreams make me think like a crazy person!

“So every time we come join you on one of your poker adventures, we all have to stay trapped in some hotel room and do nothing while you go be a superstar. We just get the grand pleasure of watching you at your finest? BO-RING!” Carly piped in, even though I don’t recall asking for her two cents on the matter. She stood tall with perfect posture, always. Her hands were placed delicately on her narrow hips and she was tossing her brunette mane around as if she was auditioning for a shampoo commercial. Her violet rimmed-grey eyes began to plead when she realized she had my full attention. “I want to see some lights, food, men! Let’s get crazy enough to get arrested, but be so cute that they won’t want to arrest us! These boobs don't look like this without HELP and effort, chicky! Do you know how long it took me to get ready? Let’s DO something, and have fun while we are here, Lexi! Don't waste all of my primping time! Puh-leaseeeeee??”

As if nearly getting arrested, showing off her cleavage, and the rest of that would really make our lives complete, annoying females. How am I friends with them? Oh yeah, just smooshed together through life, and ended up sticking together. I guess I am stuck with them. Usually I would be happy about that. Right now, meh.

“No, you all decided you wanted to join me and invited yourselves. I am tired and need to rest my mind after that drive. If I go in there like this, I won’t do as well and I know I can make the final table.” I sounded like a petulant brat, but it was true.

Something about me was just off lately. Calling ridiculous raises with a pair or even less, not realizing when someone obviously has me crushed the whole way and were check-raising me to death, but what do I do about it? Nothing! I just make the call with the weakest hand ever and embarrass myself or worse, lose more money. I needed to get my head back in the game, but this little ‘adventure’ and these dreams were not helping me one bit!

“You know what you need?” Rhea chimed in.

Oh yeah, she is here, too? I forgot even who is with me. Wow. See? I cannot even focus on lifelong friends, and I keep forgetting what I am doing. I need to focus… wait, what was she saying? Geez…. You would think I would not be allowed to forget Rhea. She has always been the brazen, little life of our merry band of beatniks. She was always a different color streak in her chestnut hair that accentuated any number of her rainbow-colored, artistically-balanced outfits. Her matching chestnut eyes, like milk chocolate always made her seem like a sweet, innocent little fairy… until she opened her mouth. Usually so soothing to me and my second-in-command supporter, now was pushing me to want to use profanity to get my point across.

I had a feeling her solution was going to be irksome, but still I somehow asked, “No babe, what do I need?”

“Sex.”

See? I hate being right sometimes.

“Oh, well that’s just the answer for everything, isn’t it??” I asked, feeling more irritated by the millisecond. They knew why I had given up on relationships and men and still that’s where they were always focused. Nearly a year ago, my fiancé was killed in a car accident on his way home from work. Insert horrible sob story Lifetime move music a box of Kleenex and some sympathy hugs on cue. Gag. It was a horrible personal tragedy, and I hadn't felt the effects of my decision to swear off the opposite sex until recently. Three weeks from today would have been our wedding. Why rub salt in my wounds now? Can't they see that I still needed to heal and have time to focus on me for a change? Maybe I should offer them some lemon juice and razor blades so they could torture me some more. Bet they would enjoy that. Bitches. I know I am tough, and come off as if things don't matter to me a lot, but I am a person, too. I have feelings and they are stuck in a limbo, of sorts. I'm happy with what I am doing right now, focusing on me for a change, but I never had the chance to say my peace and was definitely not healed. Mourning changes people. I am the prime example.

“I mean, stop being such a prude and worrying about what everyone else thinks." Victoria interjected, "You are a gorgeous woman in her mid-twenties. It’s been a long time, hun. Don’t be so nervous around men. It's okay to do something for you. Enjoy the company of a man and live a little with your girlfriends in the meantime. Guys do it all the time and don’t get called names, so why do you care what someone says?

"You aren’t being a slut to get some satisfaction in your life, you're not healing by barricading yourself inside of your mind or on a poker table, and you're certainly not living life like you should, I mean come on!! We will all support you in whoever you see or do next. We all loved Jamison, but he would never have wanted you to live like this, all alone in your shell and totally focused on your career, and forgetting about everything else you love. Do something for yourself for once. I will beg you, if I have to.” Victoria finished off her tirade as the others nodded in agreement.

Well! If she was the keeper of my panties they could record my escapades and sell that on pay-per-view for sure. Thank goodness I have a few morals left.

“Have you guys been discussing me and my personal life again?” I asked as they nodded simultaneously.

How embarrassing! They were all in agreement? It was that obvious? I never like to take things in my own hands, so to speak, but maybe I needed to start doing something if my friends could sense my frustration. It’d be funny if it weren’t true.

"I am not nervous around men, nor am I worried what someone will call me or think of me, I am just not interested in any attachments right now. I am not ready for anything like that also. What's so wrong with focusing on me for a change? Do I look like a walking puzzle that's missing a piece and you just have to fix it? Or do you just feel I would be a better person with someone attached to my side?"

Deep breaths, Alexia. They love you, they just don't understand what you are going through.

"I know what I am doing." I continued, on the verge of sounding more annoyed than necessary, "I don't want a relationship, or someone to distract me right now. You guys know the poker world is usually led by men and I really have found my niche in the game. I know I can do this. That is more important to me than some guy that's just going to try to tell me what to do, keep me at home doing his bidding, and take the focus off of what I want in life. That's not cool, right, or fair. To top it all off, my heart is still healing and I just don't want to have to share my space or time with someone, until I know that I am not a walking wrecking ball."

I knew that Jamison's death was not my fault. I really did know that, but after so many bad things happen around me and to those that I loved, it was nearly impossible not to feel guilty in some way. Things would randomly break or become useless once I used them. My mom once bought me a stereo for my room. I was so excited to get it and by the next day it stopped working. She said it was because I was listening to such horrible music that it didn’t want to work anymore, and went to stereo heaven. If that were the only incident, I might be able to laugh it off as coincidence, but after a few vehicle accidents, a trail of things behind me that would appear to be the worst luck in history, and even more random acts of strangeness, I had managed to convince myself that it was, officially, that I am just the proverbial black cat. Bad luck, and to be avoided at all costs.

After I finished my mini return-fire, I merely nodded my head with satisfaction feeling slightly pleased with myself, and a bit frustrated that I just freaked out on the only people in the world that I knew loved me for me all the time, even though I'm a mess. My friends tried to look blasé about the whole thing and accept my reasoning, but the pained looks on their faces stung a bit. My words sometimes sound harsher than I intend them to. Yet another skill I have. Crushing my friends and loved ones when they are doing what they should; loving and supporting me, obviously had its pitfalls. They should receive Hazardous Materials certification pay for being around me. Rhea would never wear a HAZMAT suit, but the thought of that did make me giggle in the midst of my emotional inner-meltdown.

Victoria was awful about keeping secrets from me. The girl had absolutely no poker face what-so-ever and her ear-to-ear grin was telling me that she was up to something terrible… either terribly clever (her usual) or just plain awful for me. But, which one? Even when I’m losing my mind, her sneaky mind was planning something, I could see it.

“Vic, do you have something up your sleeve?" I asked slowly as I quirked up an eyebrow. "If you are trying to set me up with some random guy, or some friend of your brother's cousin of your friend or some random guy you met at Petland or whatever, I am not interested. Seriously, save me and that guy the agony of having to be put into some awkward situation only to end up the same way we are today. I am not ready,” and truth be told, my body belonged to Dream Man right now, “and even when I am ready, I would like to think I am able to find a guy on my own, and not need to be set up by the Anti-Spinster League if it’s all the same to you.”

She looked only slightly dejected as we continued on the path to dinner and ‘good’ times but didn't say another word.

I tried to take in the ambience and settle my mind. I listened to the Atlantic lap lazily against the shore, watched thousands of lights from the various sights frolic teasingly across the waves in a psychedelic array of beauty, and smelled the different choices of cuisine available from the Hard Rock, Melting Pot, Los Amigos, and more. Usually I was voracious and would be willing to tear into food from any of those places, but none were appetizing to me. I just wanted to close my eyes and wait for him to come to me. Just five minutes of him, could get me through what was going to be a very long night at the tables.

Just as I opened my mouth to accept the kindness and company of my cohort, I vaguely heard Carly make some catty commentary on how Atlantic City was always “turned on” but I never was. Pfft! If she only knew!

A split second decision was made. “Ladies, please go on without me. I just don’t have an appetite right now, and I need rest more than anything. Go wherever you girls want, eat and drink and be merry, on me” I said as I pulled out one of my credit cards, smiled at them, and whispered a quick goodbye, before turning quickly on my heel and heading out as fast as my feet would carry me.

I could feel their heat-seeking missile type vision burning into the back of my head as I heard their hisses and complaints, but I could not let their feelings interfere with my own. I was on a mini-mission and wasn’t going to take their disappointment, annoyance, or attitude for anything more than what it was, selfish and not my most important concern of the night.

"Please God, let him visit my dreams. Just five minutes with my Dream Man and I won't even ask you for any favors tonight with luck or patience. I will pinky swear!" I sent up the prayer as I popped in my ear buds, cranked up my mp3 player, and jogged quickly back toward the hotel.