He smirked, guessing what that favor was. “You want us to take the presents back home for you?”
“My friends and I want to go onto a club, if that’s okay?”
Clark studied me for a moment and then finally sighed, “Go on before your Mum sees you. And be careful.”
I nodded and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Leaving him to it, I pushed my way through the dance floor and found Liam and Allie dancing together. I pulled Liam off to the side with an apologetic smile thrown Allie’s way.
“What’s up?” he asked, giving my hip a squeeze.
I looked into his eyes, feeling my stomach flip as I said meaningfully, “Let’s go.”
His body tensed and his eyebrows drew together. “Just me and you?”
“Yeah.”
“Where do you want to go?”
I pressed close to him, making my intentions very clear. “Where do you want to take me?”
Liam’s breathing stuttered. He seemed to swallow hard. “I could get us a room.”
“Okay then.”
We left quickly, slipping from the party before Mum or Braden could see me. My nerves kicked in as we made our way through the hotel to the reception, and I fought hard not to throw up as Liam booked us a room.
Every inch of me was trembling as the lift took us up to the first floor and as soon as we were inside the room and Liam started kissing me he could feel me shaking against him.
“Are you sure about this?” he whispered against my mouth.
The image I was unsuccessfully trying to bleach from my brain flashed before me again. I wanted tingles and excited butterflies, I wanted flushed skin and passion. I wanted trust and safety, I wanted affection and laughter. I wanted loyalty and friendship. I wanted love.
Unfortunately, life had played a cruel joke on me and I’d fallen in love with the one person in the whole world I couldn’t have.
Just because I couldn’t have him, however, didn’t mean I shouldn’t live. None of my friends were virgins any more. What was it really but a nuisance? It used to be a gift. Or at least I liked to romanticize that it was a gift. I supposed what it really used to be was a mark of ownership. But this was the 21st century. No one owned me. And my virginity was something I could give to whoever I pleased.
“Yeah,” I whispered back, reaching up to unknot the halter tie on my dress. “Yeah, I’m sure.”
Liam thankfully took his time. He made me come before he put on a condom and pushed inside of me so I was as ready as I could be. Still, it hurt. After a while the pain diminished and it felt okay. Liam enjoyed himself. He tried to hold off until I came again but I didn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking over and over again as he moved inside me that I’d well and truly buggered everything up for myself.
I’d promised myself since I was fourteen years old that the first time I made love I’d be in love.
Instead I was lying in some hotel room while a boy I merely liked casually took the gift I offered, and I casually let him. I felt a heaviness settle on my stomach when Liam was finished.
I stayed awake listening to him snore beside me and cursed myself to hell for letting anger and jealousy get the better of me.
***
I lay there for a couple of hours but eventually decided I couldn’t stand to stay in the hotel room. At the back of four in the morning I snuck out of there and had reception call me a taxi.
The woman on reception took one look at my mad hair and revealing dress and knew exactly what I’d been up to. The smirk she gave me made me feel cheap, and I realized quickly that the only reason I felt cheap was because I thought I’d acted cheap.
I tried not to cry as the taxi took me home, and I definitely tried not to cry as I quietly let myself inside. I was just creeping toward the stair when a head popped out of the kitchen and gave me heart failure. I sucked in a breath, clutching a hand to my chest in fright.
Adam stood in the light from the kitchen doorway. He crooked a finger at me and as I approached him I saw that image again of him and caterer girl, and the anger returned.
I followed him into the kitchen and he closed the door behind me. I studied his face and saw his eyes were bloodshot. The smell of coffee filled the air and I noted cheese toasties sitting on a plate. He was obviously hungover and trying to diminish the affects. I was so busy noting these things that I didn’t notice his anger.
“Where the hell have you been?” he hissed at me.
I glowered at him, momentarily blaming him for the loss of my virginity. “Out.”
“Where?”
“Just out.”
He narrowed his eyes. “With who?”
“Liam.”
Adam’s face instantly darkened and he took a step toward me, his eyes moving over my messy hair and then coming to rest on my mouth. They stuck there until I touched my lips, wondering what was so fascinating about them. “What were you doing?” he finally asked, his voice gruff.