Beyond Control

chapter Twenty



No one had ever really understood Dallas's reluctance to screw one of the women in the gang. Oh, they pretended to, nodded and smiled, but most of them thought he was f*cking crazy for not riding every willing girl who crawled into his lap. God knew there were some smoking hot ladies sporting his ink, but aside from Lex, he'd never been all that tempted.

The guys didn't think he was crazy anymore.

Word spread. He didn't know how, but it always did. The first whispers had popped up the moment Lex set foot outside his room without the collar, and they'd swelled from there. By the next morning, everyone in the gang knew that Lex and Dallas were fighting, and not in their usual way.

Dallas had expected the girls to turn on him. He hadn't anticipated how cold they could get, but their disapproval didn't shock him. The number of men who'd joined them in expressing protective anger did.

Maybe it shouldn't have. Lex championed the women, to be sure, but she was just as prominent a presence in the men's lives. She was the one who dealt with all the details that made life comfortable, the one who kept everyone happy and healthy and harmoniously f*cking at frequent parties.

In retrospect, he probably should have expected the men to turn on him first.

The worst part was agreeing with them. He had f*cked up. He'd told Lex all the wrong things at exactly the wrong time. Trying to keep his plan from her had been a fool's game. It might have worked before, when they'd lived parallel lives, but not now that they were all tangled up in each other day and night.

Well. They had been.

The knock on his door startled him so much he clenched his fist and snapped a pencil in half. No one had willingly gotten within ten damn feet of him all day--the ones that weren't pissed at him were wary of his temper--which made him wonder what the hell could drive someone into his domain. "Come in!"

The door popped open, and Dylan Jordan strolled into his office. "Good evening to you too, O'Kane."

"Doc." A chill shivered down Dallas's spine as he studied the doctor--whose presence usually meant bad shit had gone down. "You here on business?"

"Sort of." The man dropped into a chair on the other side of the desk and tried to smooth his dark hair into some semblance of order. It didn't work. "I came by to see what the hell's going on around here."

Christ. If the whispers had turned to grumbles that were rippling beyond the gang already, he really was in deep shit. "Who's been shooting off their mouth?"

Doc arched an eyebrow. "Lex sent me a message."

The chill turned to ice. "Saying?"

"She asked me what the process would be for removing her tattoos."

"What?"

"Her cuffs." The man said it like he was talking about the weather. About nothing. "And something about a new one. A name."

The name hurt like a knife in the gut, but even that had nothing on the cuffs. Lex was O'Kane. She'd helped shape what they had become, had helped touch the life of every person wearing O'Kane marks. "You're f*cking kidding me."

Doc snorted. "I told her I wouldn't touch the ink unless you said so, but a wise man would make sure she didn't ask me again. I don't know if I'll say no next time."

If it had been anyone else, Dallas would have snarled. He still wanted to, but threats and intimidation were wasted on Dylan Jordan. No matter how many women threw themselves at him, desperate to save him, the man was as self-destructive an a*shole as Dallas had ever met. Sometimes he thought Doc pitted himself against dangerous men in the hopes that one would eventually put him out of his enduring misery.

Dallas didn't plan on it. The man was too damn useful to kill. Of course, telling Lex he wouldn't remove the ink without Dallas's permission was damn near suicidal on its own. "You must not have told her no in person, because I don't see any stab wounds."

For a long moment, all the man did was stare at him. "You're pretty goddamn despicable, aren't you?"

"I run a gang of bootleggers," he replied, fighting to keep his temper and his panic on a tight leash. Pretty damn difficult when he could feel his perfect f*cking life crumbling beneath him. "I am what I am."

"Yeah? Well, what you are is an ass." Doc rose, shaking his head. "Lex didn't try to cut me when I told her. She just cried."

A knife in the gut? A pinprick compared to how those three words felt. She just cried. Lex, indomitable, unbreakable Lex. He'd coaxed her into trust, shoved and pushed until she let down all those cold, hard walls--

And then he'd hurt her.

Christ.

"Uh-huh." The man dragged a tin from his pocket and popped a small white tablet into his mouth. "Fix it, would you? I don't like it when you kids fight."

Kids, as if Jordan was some kind of f*cking sage elder instead of three or four years older than him. Dallas didn't know whether to laugh or strangle the motherf*cker. "Gee, Doc, I was having a great f*cking time, but if you insist."

"Sarcasm doesn't suit you nearly as well as you think, O'Kane."

"I save my heartfelt confessions for the people wearing my ink." He said it without thinking and damn near winced. Nobody wearing ink wanted to hear his heartfelt confessions. They didn't even want to look at him. He'd always stood slightly apart, but this feeling of standing alone was new. And miserable.

And if Lex was crying, he deserved it.



History f*cking loved to repeat itself.

This time, it was Lex shoving her belongings into a bag as Noelle looked on, horrified and outraged. "You don't have to do this, Lex. It isn't fair. It isn't right."

At least she wasn't trying to talk her off the ledge. "Damn right it isn't fair. But it is what it is."

"Bullshit." Crossing the room, Noelle grabbed Lex's arm and held it up, forced her to stare at the ink Doc had refused to remove. "That is a promise. You're the one who taught me that. It's a promise, and being in Dallas's bed has nothing to do with it. This is your home and we're your family."

A truth that had changed the moment she'd accepted his claim. Lex closed her eyes. "Now you know why his women were always outsiders. It's easier for them to leave eventually."

"Because he drives them away?" Noelle's hands framed Lex's face. "Don't let him. He doesn't get to do that, not to you and not to us. If you don't want to stay in your room, come stay with us."

"This is me, all me," she countered. "Dallas isn't making me go. He doesn't even want me to. But I have to."

"Oh, Lex. No." Noelle released her only to curl an arm around her waist, tugging her toward the couch. "Come on and sit with me for a few minutes. Tell me why you think this is your fault."

"Not fault, not like that." She sank to the cushions and leaned her head against Noelle's shoulder. Support had been hard to come by the last couple of days, mostly because Lex had to hold back from accepting it. It only reminded her of all she'd be leaving behind. "There are just so many things, so many reasons it would be easier to stay. And I can't."

"You should be able to," Noelle whispered. "What Dallas did to you was wrong. You say he's not driving you away, but he is."

It was hard to know for certain when Dallas seemed so oblivious to the real problem, and so sure of himself that she couldn't help but second-guess herself. Noelle had reacted with gratifying outrage, but even that couldn't erase the doubt.

It drove her to grip Noelle's hand. "You understand, don't you? Dallas has no idea what he did, and it's making me wonder if I'm just crazy."

"He put his ambition before you," Noelle said immediately. She traced one of the ink marks swirling across her own shoulder before reaching out to touch Lex's throat. "He asked you to give up all your defenses, and then he didn't protect you. It's wrong. Jasper tried to send me to Eden, but he was cutting out his own heart because he thought it'd keep me safe. Even if he didn't do it, Dallas was considering cutting out yours, just to get more of something he has too much of already."

Lex's throat went tight. It was everything she'd been too wounded and twisted up to say, every reason she'd been betrayed not only by Dallas's actions, but by his confusion. Hearing it all laid bare hurt, so much she couldn't breathe.

She finally managed to drag in a breath that sounded more like a sob. "Jasper was thinking of you. He screwed up, but he did it for you."

Noelle dragged her closer, wrapped her in her arms and her love and made soothing, sympathetic noises. "I know, Lex. I know."

"Dallas doesn't get it. He has no idea what he did wrong."

Noelle rested her cheek on top of Lex's head with a sigh. "Maybe he does, and he can't admit it. He tried to offer you something he values--power. But Dallas is an intuitive man. A smart man. I think he knows you better than that."

He did, of course. He'd kept Cerys's visit from her and skated around the issue long enough for Lex to realize he knew she wouldn't be happy about any of it. "He wants it all. Sector Two and me."

"Then he's not only greedy, he's stupid." Noelle's voice held no room for argument. "But that doesn't mean he gets to take everything you've built and all the people you love away from you."

Her home, her family. "I should have known it would go down like this. Dallas and I have never been easy."

"Maybe this'll teach him." Noelle cupped Lex's cheek and tilted her head up. "I've never been sure if I think he deserves you. But it's not about me. What do you want?"

The impossible question, because the answer made her sound weak. "I love this place. I've been here so long--Jesus, I helped build it. I want to stay here, Noelle. I've never wanted anything more." A lie, but just a little one.

She wanted Dallas the most.

And Noelle knew it. The other woman had grown in more than one way in the time she'd been free of Eden. She pressed her forehead to Lex's and lowered her voice to a whisper. "Are you afraid to stay because you're afraid you'll go back to him, no matter what?"

Lex had to stop f*cking crying. "I know I will. It's not even a question. What kind of idiot does that make me?"

"The kind who's in love." Noelle's lips feathered over Lex's cheeks, kissing away the tears. "But you've got people who care about you. I won't let you go back. Hell, every woman wearing cuffs will line up and take turns sitting on you. You're ours."

She couldn't make that promise, not with Dallas's words still shivering through her. Somehow, I'll f*cking well show you. I'm not letting you go. "I can't leave right away--it's been a few years since I kept up anyplace else to go. But I was wondering if I could take your old room for now."

"You should stay with us," Noelle protested immediately. "With me'n Jas. You shouldn't be alone."

"I need to be, at least for a while."

"Okay." Pulling back, Noelle swiped tears from Lex's cheeks with her thumbs. "My room's yours. Anything you need is yours."

"Thanks, Noelle." She drew in a calming breath. "One step at a time. I'll get through this."

"Yes, you will. In better shape than Dallas will, too." Noelle's tiny smile was a little mean. "Just remember how much we all love you. Dallas may be the king of this gang, but you're its heart. If he doesn't appreciate that yet, he will."

"No." Lex shook her head. "He's still your leader, and a good one. I don't want anyone to make trouble for him, not on my behalf."

Noelle touched her cheek, her blue eyes dark with resentment. "I'll follow my leader. I'll obey my boss. But you can't make me be nice to the bastard who hurt my friend."

"Thank you," Lex whispered. Dallas had broken her heart with his unthinking ambition, and he'd do it all over again when she had to leave other people who were dear to her. People like Noelle, who were as much a part of her as Dallas, if only in a different way. "I love you and Jas, you know."

"Of course you do," Noelle replied, voice light and teasing. "I'm adorable, and Jas is irresistible. But we love you back."

The silliness lifted her spirits, her first taste of hope in days. "We'll see, okay?" Maybe she and Dallas could come to an understanding. Maybe she didn't have to leave. "Just...we'll see."

"Good. And, Lex?"

"Yeah?"

"Even if you have to go, I'll still love you. And I'll still be in your life. It's not about this." Her fingers curled around Lex's wrist, covering the O'Kane cuff as she pressed Lex's splayed hand to her own chest. Over her heart. "It's about this."

About love. Belonging. Lex slid her arms around Noelle and hugged her tight. "No matter what. I promise."



For the fourth time in as many minutes, Lex caught herself staring blankly down at the inventory sheet in her hand.

Disgusted, she rubbed her eyes and started over with the top line. "Focus, goddammit. You're not helping anyone like this."

"It's okay." The quiet voice came from the doorway. Lex barely managed not to flinch, startled, as Rachel swung in to kneel beside her. "Amira and I can handle the inventory before opening."

"I need to do something," Lex argued.

"Plenty to do." Rachel plucked the clipboard out of her hand and nodded to the door. "Start with picking up your phone call. Someone's on the line for you."

"Which phone?"

"End of the hall."

Lex wiped her hands on her jeans and headed for the extension. Maybe it was Doc, calling to say he'd changed his mind about her tattoos, or Walt Misham, with a line on transports out of the city.

But it was neither. "Hello?"

"Lex." A female voice, soft and nervous, and it took her a moment to recognize it as Jade, the woman who'd waylaid her outside of Cerys's quarters.

Apparently, word hadn't traveled outside the sector yet. "Sorry, honey. If you're looking for a ride out, it'll have to be with someone else. I'm kinda in the doghouse over here at the moment."

"Oh." A world of disappointment in that one word, too much for even a professional to hide. "I'm sorry for your trouble. I'd just thought... I'll be traveling to Five tonight, and if I disappeared on the way back tomorrow, Woods wouldn't miss me for another two weeks--"

Lex froze. It was too much of a coincidence to be a coincidence, so it had to be a trap instead. "Gareth Woods? That's your client?"

The pause was perfect. Hesitation, and then a muffled curse, as if the woman had let too much slip. "Now you know how desperate my situation is."

"And why you came to me." Lex tucked the receiver between her ear and her shoulder and dug her cigarette case out of her pocket. "I mean, that's the deal, right? You figure I'll off him for you?"

Jade exhaled sharply and began to laugh. "It was clumsy, wasn't it? Slipping his name into the conversation that quickly. Pacing has always been my problem. I start off so patiently, and then I wait too long and have to rush."

"Don't feel bad. I'm really f*cking paranoid at the moment."

"I meant everything I said, you know. About being friends with your sister, and that you're a legend." The amusement in Jade's voice faded. "I just didn't tell you everything. I know Woods tried to kill one of your people, and I know you're taking him down tonight. I don't want to die in the crossfire."

Lex's heart skipped a beat. It all made sense suddenly, the one thing Cerys could have handed Dallas to ensure he'd consider her crazy f*cking offer. Something he wanted more than power or money, more than air. And even, in a perverse way, more than her.

Gareth Woods.

Tonight. Cerys must have come through with the setup. Maybe she was about to clue Dallas in, or maybe he already knew. Either way...

"Can you get me in?" She glanced around quickly, confirming she was alone in the hall. "Tell him you're bringing a friend?"

Jade inhaled sharply. "You don't know what you're asking."

She didn't give a damn. She was tired of Dallas and his excuses. He could claim he was going after Woods to protect her, but it boiled down to plain, old-fashioned vengeance. "Yes or no, Jade?"

"You can't come here. But I could convince my driver to stop on the way, if you can be ready and waiting."

Only one more question, one that dug its claws into her and wouldn't let go. "Is it a trap? Is she trying to get rid of Dallas, or dealing with him square?"

Jade hesitated long enough to cinch fear tight before whispering, "I don't know. But Cerys will win either way. She always does."

"No shit." Lex crumbled her unlit cigarette with a grimace. "Pick me up on the east side of the bridge, near the border between Two and Three. I'll find a way."

"All right. Dress like a rose." A pause. "You remember what that means, don't you?"

It meant she'd be raiding Noelle's closet to get her frilly white dresses and lingerie back. "I remember."

"Five o'clock. Lex?"

"What?"

"If you can't get me out, don't leave me to a slow death. Tonight I want to be free, one way or another."

"Damn, girl. Don't be so morbid." Frowning, Lex hung up.

Jade could still be playing her, counting on her need to one-up Cerys--or, worse, to protect Dallas. It wasn't hard to connect the dots on a foolproof plan to get them out of the picture, and with the perfect justification: interfering with Cerys's rightful business.

And in Sector Five, no less. Woods probably chose the locale because he needed to make a drug run anyway, but she'd have to tread carefully. Mac Fleming would recognize her in a heartbeat, and it could blow everything to hell.

They might need backup. Damn near suicidal backup.

Lex picked up the phone and dialed.