“Are you asking me to use you as bait? You want to me to throw you out there in an ocean of sharks when the water is already full of blood?”
I lifted my hands and pushed some of my hair off my face and let my head fall so that I was looking at the gross carpet between our feet. The toes of both of our boots were almost touching and everything inside of me longed to take that little, tiny step closer so that we would be in each other’s space.
“If I don’t testify against the rest of Novak’s guys, then my deal with the state goes away, and I’m looking at spending the rest of my life in jail. I’ve done some really awful things and I can’t let Conner pull apart what’s left of this place for no reason. I need you to keep me alive long enough to do what I promised to do, and you’re going to have to use to me draw Conner out. It’s the only way. If he went into hiding you’re going to have to give him a viable reason to show himself. He’s going to know that not only are you looking for him but so are the feds.”
Titus fell back a step and then started pacing again. I could have sworn the white spot in his hair spread a little wider after my declaration. Since I had spent the night in the filthy bed, I was less squeamish than he had been about sitting on it. I flopped down and watched him as he prowled back and forth in front of me.
“Oh, he has a reason for what he’s doing, I just don’t know what it is yet.” His eyes cut to me sharply. “What about going back into WITSEC under the supervision of another marshal?”
I shook my head and leaned back on my hands so that I was staring at the ceiling. There was an unidentifiable stain I hadn’t noticed the day before. Ugh. I needed to get out of this place before I caught something.
“No. If I go back into hiding then you’ll lose any chance you have of getting Conner to show himself, plus I already told you that clean and shiny skin doesn’t fit me right. I want to be here. I need to be here.” He would never understand that I felt like I not only owed it to Dovie after the way I hurt her, but I also owed it to the city. The Point sucked and there were no redeeming qualities about it, but I felt that way about myself as well and I still wanted someone to save me, someone to love me. The city and I were so similar I almost felt like I had to save it in order to save myself. If I lived that long. Titus didn’t look like he was ready to jump on board with my plan anytime soon. In fact he looked like he was about to pass out cold on his feet.
“Did you sleep at all last night?” The question was more personal than I should get with him but the words just slipped out.
He stopped pacing and his head dropped forward like it weighed a million pounds. He lifted a hand to rub the back of his neck and his chest rose and fell in a huge sigh that sounded like it had the entire fate of the world inside of it.
“No. I was trying to figure out what to do with this Roark noise. I was making sure my dumbass brother didn’t do something now that he knows you’re back in town. I got home and was there for about twenty minutes when I got a callout about a dead hooker in the District. It took me two hours to track down an ID on her. When I went to notify her family I found out not only was she married but also had two little kids at home. She was tricking out because her old man likes to gamble and couldn’t hold down a job. That kind of shit is my everyday, so no, I don’t sleep much, even when I get the chance.”
It made my heart squeeze. Not because the story was heartbreaking or anything unusual in this place, but because he cared so much. He carried those other people’s choices and failures around as his own, and in a place like this the weight of that had to be enormous. He was Atlas. He really was trying to carry the world and all its messed-up ways on his back.
Those crystalline eyes cut over to me and then skated over the bed I was lounging on.
“How about you? This place needs a hazmat team to clean it up. Did you sleep?”
“No. I grabbed the phone and bolted. I didn’t even grab a change of clothes and I don’t even have my real ID. To the rest of the world I’m still Jill Parker. Reeve Black doesn’t exist.”
“Jesus. This just gets better and better.”
“Ohhhh . . . I don’t think we’ve even begun to see the worst of it yet.”
He groaned out a swearword and curled his hands into tight fists at his sides. The tick was back in his jaw but there was something working in his eyes. The color was doing that thing where it started to fade into something lighter and brighter. He was molten hot from the inside out. Man, would I sell the fragmented parts that were left of my soul to burn with him.
“How far are you willing to go with all of this, Reeve? What’s the limit?”