Bastard. She yanked her bag from the floor, pulled out the gun, and dropped it on his palm, meeting his glare with one of her own.
Checking the safety, he tucked it in his waistband, dropped into the chair beside her, and rubbed at a scratch on the metal arm rest. Silent seconds ticked by. She told herself she was just letting her arousal dissipate, but he was strangely reserved.
They never had trouble talking to one another, but she’d stirred up a lot of shit in one day, in addition to whatever was going on between her and Jay. Her relationship with Nathan was navigating new territory.
The awkwardness between them ballooned into a heavy pressure in her lungs. Reaching for his chin, she gently turned his face toward her. “I’m not sure when this started, this guilt I’m carrying. I need to know—”
“It’s good, Charlee.”
She lowered her hand. “What’s good?”
“You’re moving on.” He turned sideways in the chair to face her and rested his head against the seatback. “I know you’re still grieving over how you think you handled things with Noah, and I wish you’d stop.”
A violent mess of emotions clogged her throat.
“I’ve looked at things from Noah’s perspective a million times in the past three years. He knew something was up. Hell, I knew, even before I took that PI case. He was ignoring all your signals and forcing a connection that wasn’t there. Can’t say I blame him, though.” His eyes flicked to the front of the cabin and back to her. “You’re easy to love, Charlee.”
She stopped breathing and the air chilled the perspiration on her face. “What are you saying?”
Sitting up, he met her with an unwavering stare. “Not what you think I’m saying. I love you, but not like that. You’re my best friend, my sister, and the only family I have.”
The mounting tension seeped from her body and she breathed deeply through her nose. She reached for his fingers and traced his knuckles. “You’re those things to me, too, but I don’t understand why you don’t hate me.”
He stared at their hands. “How the hell could I hate you? You gave my brother what you were capable of giving him. He didn’t die brokenhearted. He died happy.”
She looked away with burning eyes. “He died because of me.” Her whisper ended on a croak.
“Bullshit. You didn’t kill him. Salvador did that.”
Grief pummeled her insides, but she kept it bottled, held her expression empty. She would not break down.
He cupped her cheek. “Jesus, I know your face so well. Let it go. Don’t you see? You’ve given me things, too. Without you, I’d be consumed by revenge.” He dropped his hand and looked out the window at the passing clouds. “All those times you suggested we go our separate ways, I considered it. Believe me, I did. I want revenge, and I can accomplish it easier on my own.” His eyes locked on hers. “Protecting you gives me a second chance, a kind of absolution. I didn’t save him, but I can still save you. Call it a self-righteous pursuit to build my hero complex.”
“Oh, please. You’re the epitome of a pure heart. And I’ll tell you the same thing you tell me. You aren’t to blame for his death.”
His lips quirked, but sadness weighted his eyelids. “No. And I sure as hell wouldn’t have left my damn guns in the car that night. Wish I could beat his ass for that.”
Pressure swelled in her sinuses and faded just as quick. It was getting easier to let him go.
“I want you to be happy. And if a guitar jockey in slut pants does it for you, who am I to judge?”
She cocked her head. Yeah, the pants definitely did something for her.
“Noah’s happiest moments are kept here.” He tapped her temple. “And I get to relive some of them when they shine through in your smile. I’d like to see that smile more often.”
She tried to give him one, her lips quivering with the effort, and failed. “I’ll see what I can do.”
“All I ask is that you don’t close off my part of your life, okay?”
“Never.” She tackled him in a hug, and his arms enveloped her.
He laughed and pulled back to look at her. “You really like the rock star, huh?”
She reclined against the window. “Yeah.” Her smile appeared suddenly and without effort. “You really like the bodyguard, huh?”
A shrug. “She’s a Marine. What’s not to like?”
“Whatever. We both know there’s more to it.”
“Maybe.” His whiskered cheeks crawled to a grin. “We good?”
For the next few hours, they were outside of Roy’s reach, shooting through the air at—What did Jay say?—Mach .80. And she had a date with a beautiful man in a bathroom.
She gave Nathan another effortless smile.
45
“We’re all set then?” Jay nodded at the e-mail on Tony’s laptop, tapping his fingers on his knees, the heels of his sneakers bouncing with his excitement.
“Yes. The machines will be ready in a week, but the customized engravings and the rush job quadrupled the price. Do you want to look over the bill?”