Twisting toward Charlee, he grabbed her waist and dragged her across the seat to straddle his legs. With his arms crossed behind her back, he pulled her hips to his and nuzzled his face in her neck.
She held onto the seat on either side of his shoulders and angled her head to look at Nathan. A small smile touched Nathan’s lips but bypassed his eyes. Grooves crept over his forehead as he watched her with Jay.
Was he thinking about Noah? Did he think she’d given more of herself to Jay in one day than she gave Noah in their one year?
But she had, hadn’t she? She didn’t love Noah enough to lay her broken life at his feet. She’d wanted to. God, she thought maybe someday she could’ve. It had taken her six months just to let him steal a kiss. Would she have ever let him know her beyond their physical connection? She never even gave him her real name.
Her chest cramped. She dropped her eyes to her hand, clenched on the seatback, shamed by the direction of her thoughts.
After a moment, Nathan pinched her chin and gave her head a little shake. His gesture chased away a fraction of her guilt, but his narrowed eyes promised an imminent conversation.
She nodded.
The angles of Jay’s face sharpened as he leaned back and shifted his hips away from the other man. The subtle movement put distance between her and Nathan as if Jay were trying to break their exchange.
Jay’s flushed cheeks glowed against his tan complexion, his hair tousled and trenched from his fingers. His natural beauty alone could shackle the heart of any woman who laid eyes upon him. Yet, he looked at her as if she were the only one. An unfamiliar feeling swelled in the back of her throat.
He kissed her neck and pressed his brow against it. “I’m so sorry.”
The remaining guilt she’d hidden in her silence echoed in the pained whisper of his apology and the beat of his heart drumming against hers. “Why are you sorry? I’m the one who should be apologizing.”
His breath grew heavy, intensifying her own. He raised his head and met her eyes. “I lost it out there with the fans and the guards and…my fucking issues—”
He looked away, worked his jaw, and dragged his gaze back to hers. “Won’t happen again. I will never walk away from you.” The resolve in his tone enthralled her.
With all the hands that had been on him and the distress that rocked his body when Tony shoved him in the car, she knew he had been in the grips of his own demon. “You didn’t bail. When I needed you…” She placed a kiss on his hairline, breathing in his masculine scent. Kissed his nose, his parted lips. “You were there. Thank you.”
The circle of his arms cinched, pressing their bodies together. “I don’t just want to be where you need me.” His tone was deep, sharp. “I want to be what you need.”
Something pulsed between them. Perhaps it was the rhythm of their shared breath. Or maybe it was the vibration of some invisible boundary falling away. She inhaled it and let it tremble through her body as she rested her cheek on the brawn of his shoulder.
For nine years, she didn’t know who she could cling to, or if she would ever be able to take that risk, but clinging to Jay felt…elemental. As if deep within him lay the map to emotions she’d lost and maybe some she never experienced. She wouldn’t let go. No matter how contagious his pain. If she were tough enough to endure hers, could she shoulder his too?
He brushed his lips over her jaw and pointed his chin toward the front of the vehicle. “Tony, I want training immediately.” His voice barked through the cabin with an air of dominance. “Self-defense. Firearms. And I want to carry my own gun.”
“What?” Blood rushed to Charlee’s cheeks. “What about your protection team?”
His fingers stroked up and down her spine. “I will never be in a situation again where I can’t defend you. We’ll start tomorrow, Tony.”
“Self-defense?” Tony asked with a smile in her voice.
“Yeah.” He lifted a lock of hair from Charlee’s shoulder and twisted it around his finger. “Charlee will help me get through the hand-to-hand stuff.”
The nerve endings in her fingers itched to touch his face. “I will?”
He smoothed her hair behind her ear and held his hands palms up on either side of her. A perfect brown eyebrow rose as he waited.
She slid her hands into his, and a jolt tingled up her arms, the urge to strip him bare and explore his hard body overwhelming. But she couldn’t touch him. Didn’t stop the thought from materializing into a warm throb between her legs.
“See?” He kissed her bottom lip. “You’re already helping.”
The heat from his fingers soaked into hers. She blinked against the sensation. “If helping means upending your entire life.”
He shifted their linked hands behind her, settling them at the small of her back and pulling her hips closer to his. “Christ, Charlee. I needed upending. Do you have any idea how much progress I made today?”
Her body buzzed with the excited pulse of her heart. She shook her head.
“I think you’ve gathered by now I have some fucked up shit corroding my head.” He looked at her imploringly.