CHAPTER ELEVEN
Charley
With a contented sigh I push my apartment door open and slip my heavy keys onto the chipped ceramic holder hanging on the wall. I woke up early and ran until my limbs ached. I hadn’t realized how far I’d actually gone until I looked at my exercise watch a moment ago: 13 miles, almost half of a marathon. I was hoping the run would take longer, but the endorphins definitely helped. I’ll just have to ride on their momentum as long as possible.
Maybe after I shower I’ll go down to a bookstore and browse around for something to take my mind off of last night. I can’t let myself think about it. Every few seconds, when something threatens to remind me of Jude, I shut it down and carve out a new thought from my brain. It’s torturous but necessary if I don’t want to spend the entire day wallowing in self pity, which I don’t.
The blinking screen on my phone catches my attention and my heart leaps in anticipation of seeing his name. But as I approach, I sigh in defeat. It’s just my agent, Janet.
“Morning, Janet.” I try smiling in the phone so she won’t be able to tell I was hoping it was someone else.
“Where the hell have you been?” she shouts into the phone excitedly.
What? What could have happened since I chatted with her on Friday?
“I was out on a run. What’s up? You don’t normally leave me a dozen voice-mails before noon on a Sunday,” I quip.
“Pack your bags, Charley!” she squeals through the phone.
“What? Why?” My hand clasps around my neck protectively.
“You booked a COVER! Of the freaking S.O. Swimsuit Issue!”
Silence fills the airwaves as I let her sentence sink in. No. There’s no way.
“Are you insane? They pick celebrities for that.” My heart races. There’s no way they’d choose me. I’m a nobody. I didn’t even have Janet send them my portfolio for review. I didn’t think there was a point, and to be honest, that’s the way I wanted it. I don’t want to be a celebrity.
“News Flash: you’re sexier than any celebrity out there! You fly out on Friday…”
“This Friday!?” I squeeze my temple with the pads of fingers as I pace my tiny room.
“Yes! I had to move around a few other jobs to make it work. You cannot pass this up.”
“Who’s on the shoot?”
“The magazine will provide their own makeup and hair crew. Ryan Kelly is the shoot director. You’ve never worked with him before, but he’s amazing. Everyone raves about his vision.”
“Oh yeah, I’ve heard of him before.”
“And Jude Anderson will be lead photographer.”
I nearly drop the phone.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“I’m dead serious, babe. You get the sexiest photographer in all of New York for a three-day shoot in Hawaii. Thank the karma Gods, Charley, because you must have been really good in your past life.”
F*cking Jude.
“What if I don’t want to take this shoot, Janet? What if I’m not ready for my life to change?”
“Charley. Let’s just say that this one shoot will give you plenty of time to lie low and paint. You’d be crazy to turn down the amount they’ll be paying you.” And her. She doesn’t say it, but I’d be the worst client ever if I turned down a commission that big for her. She’s a great agent and she deserves to have a pay off. I’ll deal with any new fame the way I handle everything else: by hiding away from it.
As we hang up, there's one last piece of the puzzle nagging my mind and it has Jude written all over it.
I look at my phone, scroll down to the “J’s” and hit send.
Two slow rings later, his deep voice wraps around my senses.
“Hello.” God, he says that word so alluringly I almost forget my anger. Almost.
“Did you have something to do with me landing this freaking job?” I snap.
He chuckles lightly, “Good morning, Charley. You sound radiant.”
God I want him. No! Damnit.
“Jude! What the hell? Did I book this job because of you or because they actually wanted me?”
He pauses and I rub my hand anxiously along my hairline.
“They had originally booked Candace Hill, but she is injured and they needed a replacement. I mentioned your name to Ryan, yes. However, he chose you on his own accord. You should have been on the list, I just expedited the process.”
“Damnit, Jude!”
“You sound even sexier when you’re angry. Maybe I should piss you off more…”
“I hate you. This isn’t a game!”
A sexy chuckle spills through the phone.
“Don’t forget to pack a few bikinis, Charley. The weather is warm in Hawaii and we’ll be staying in a hotel on the water.”
With that, the line goes dead and I hurl my phone against the pillows on my bed. That bastard. This is a perfect example of why we shouldn’t be in a relationship. The last thing I need to be worrying about is whether or not people in the industry assume I’m sleeping around to get jobs.
…
As the week drags slowly on, it begins to sink in just how much my life will change after this shoot. This magazine hits every newsstand across the nation and there’s not a heterosexual male who doesn’t own a copy the day it goes on sale. Am I ready for this? What if the world finds out who I truly am? Will my alias hold up? It’s too late to change my mind. I’ll just have to hope for the best and be ready for the consequences. I’ve gone into hiding once, and I can do it again.
Janet told me that all of the models and crew are meeting in New York and a private jet will be taking all of us to Hawaii. It’s easier to coordinate if Ryan knows that everyone is safe and sound. The last thing he needs is a delayed flight and a missing model. I haven’t been on a private jet in years, since before my father’s charges were announced, but I’m excited to experience it again. As long as I can avoid Jude and whichever model he decides to replace me with. He said he didn’t date models, but we quasi-dated so that can’t be true. God, it kills me to think of him with another girl, but I keep reminding myself that that’s insane. We’ve known each other for one week. That’s not enough time to hand someone your heart. No, I’ve only handed him a few pieces. Pieces I wish I could take back and protect under lock and key again.
Throughout the week, most of my free hours have been spent preparing for the trip. I’ve nabbed a few sundresses and light scarves, a new pair of flat, strappy sandals for walking on the beach, and some travel-sized bathroom essentials.
By Thursday night I feel confident with my packing progress, so I decide to meet Naomi and Bennett for an early dinner. I have to be at the airport at six in the morning because the flight is scheduled for an ungodly eleven hours, but fortunately we don’t start shooting until Saturday. Hopefully I’ll be able to catch up on some sleep during the flight.
Pushing open the heavy oak door, the scent from the oven-baking pizza stirs memories of forgotten hunger. Pizza was my favorite food growing up and sometimes the aroma carries me back to simpler times. Today, I’m hoping that will be the case. I’ve been running even more this week, and if anything, I should gain a pound or two before the shoot. My jeans feel less snug than they usually do.
I’m sure people assume I’m thin from the pressures of the modeling world, but my problem stems from my lack of appetite and general over-thought. Like today for instance, I was too busy running errands and packing. The only thing I’ve had to eat was a protein bar this morning. It’s hard to remember to eat when you’re never hungry.
Oh well, Naomi chose my favorite food for a reason. She knows I’m nervous about the shoot and am in desperate need of a proper meal. When I scan the restaurant, relief washes over me as I spot her and Bennett sitting in a booth along the side wall. I didn’t think they’d lie to me, but a part of me figured Jude might have tagged along without me knowing. I’ll see him bright and early tomorrow morning, but I need another few hours to build my strength before I have to look into those gorgeous blue eyes again.
“Hey guys.” I smile and slide into the bench across from them. The two little lovebirds are squeezed together on one side of the booth. Their hands rest between them on the table, locked in a sweet display of affection. Should I be looking for a bridesmaid’s dress soon?
“There she is!” Naomi sings, pulling my attention away from their entwined hands.
Bennett casts me a wide smile. “Will we even get to hangout with you when you’re rich and famous?”
I blush and tug a hand through my hair. “Oh, be quiet. You know I’m going to hide out as much as possible.”
He laughs. “It’s strange that a girl like you would get into such a public profession.”
I nod because he’s right, but there’s more to it than that. “Yeah, well, if you saw the paycheck you might not think that. I’m essentially selling my soul and my right for privacy for a burlap sack with a money sign on it.”
“Ah,” he waggles his eyebrows, making us laugh.
A beat later, my eyes fall on Bennett’s tailored suit and Naomi’s gorgeous ivory wrap dress. Suddenly I feel way under-dressed in my slouchy jeans and knitted sweater, even if they are designer.
“Did you guys come straight from work?”
“Yeah,” they say in unison, and then smile lovingly toward one another as if they’re straight out of a 1950s afternoon special.
“Do you have to hide the relationship while you’re there, or does it not matter since you two are in different departments?” I ask, curious about how their relationship pans out during the work day. What would it be like to work with Jude? I can’t imagine my days would be very productive. I’d be on edge the whole day, wondering when he would turn the corner and find me daydreaming about him, drooling like a sap at my desk.
Bennett sighs, “We haven’t disclosed it with H.R. yet, but we should soon.”
“Oh, yeah, we should,” Naomi agrees, dropping her gaze. It’s a strange reaction, but I’ll let it slide for now. Maybe they’ve been avoiding discussing the topic. I’d imagine it’s a big step to make their relationship public at work. It puts more pressure on the situation and they probably don’t want to be the topic of workplace gossip.
I clear my throat, “Do you guys already know what you want?”
“We were thinking of just splitting a large pizza. We need to fatten you up!” Naomi laughs, and I’m glad to see her light mood again.
“Ha-ha. Sadly that’s true. I’ve been too nervous to eat this week. I’ve never done a cover shoot before.”
“You’ll be great; don’t worry about it, Charley,” Naomi states confidently.
I nod and drag my eyes down the menu, reading over all of the topping options.
“I’m good with whatever you guys want, as long as it has pepperoni,” I decide, dropping the menu back onto the table and reaching for my water. I squeeze the lemon into the glass and swirl it around until the bitter citrus has dispersed completely.
When the waitress comes around, Bennett orders our large pizza with olives, mushrooms, spinach, and pepperoni. Just hearing him describe the ingredients makes my mouth salivate like one of Pavlov’s dogs.
But the second the waitress leaves, Naomi steeples her fingers and studies me with an air of concentration. The mood around the table instantly shifts from friendly dinner to shits-about-to-get-real. When I glance between them, it’s clear I’m about to be subjected to an intervention of sorts.
“Are you nervous that Jude will be in Hawaii as well?” Naomi asks candidly, keeping her razor sharp gaze on me.
“Naomi…” I warn, not really wanting to discuss everything in front of Bennett. He’s hardly an unbiased third party.
“Hey, don’t worry about me,” he offers, as if realizing his awkward position. “It’s not like I haven’t had to listen to Jude rambling on about you for the past two weeks.”
“What?” I ask before I think better of it. “No, wait. It doesn’t matter.”
“Charley, he’s obviously crazy about you,” Naomi offers gently.
“Yeah, well I’m not happy about his involvement with the casting of the shoot. It feels slimy and I hate having to second-guess my reasons for being hired. Those models are going to be the most gorgeous women in the world and they’re going to judge the fact that I was given the cover.”
“Don’t let them bother you,” Naomi advises, “remember you’re absolutely gorgeous, and yes, Jude might have introduced you to Ryan, but Ryan wouldn’t have agreed with Jude if you weren’t perfect. Why would he have? It’s his name that’s at stake if people don’t like his cover.”
“Maybe he owed Jude a favor…” My insecurities rear their ugly head, and then I bite back my words. “Whatever. I’m going to avoid him at all cost. He can party with the other models. I’ll focus on the shoot and soaking up as much sun as I can. It’ll be fine.”
Bennett bites his lip and I know he’s fighting an internal battle about whether he should speak up or not. When his mouth opens a moment later, I take a deep breath, preparing for his testimony.
“Charley, I don’t think you should write Jude off just yet. He was being honest when he said he never dates models; you’re the first he’s ever cared to get to know. His dating habits weren’t completely wholesome in the past,” my stomach twists in knots thinking about Jude with women before me, “but he’s different around you.” He pauses and then decides to continue on, “And there are things in his past that pushed him toward that way of life. They aren’t my stories to tell, but there’s more to Jude than what you see on the surface.”
Damnit Bennett. Damnit. Damnit.
I don’t want to hear all of this. I want Bennett’s eyes to hold less sincerity, less honesty. I know he’s telling me the truth, and as hard as I try to reinforce the walls around my heart, already I feel another small piece breaking apart for Jude. For this man that might have as many demons as I do.
Wiping my hand down my cheek in defeat, I sigh and meet his eyes. “Can I promise that I’ll take your words to heart if we stop talking about him for the rest of dinner?”
My stomach is coiled into a tight knot and I just want to relax and eat some pizza.
Naomi reaches across the table and grabs my hand.
Looking into my eyes, she offers me a hopeful look. “I’m really excited for you. This is a good step. You deserve it; don’t let your past ruin it for you.”