We watched the entire set, right there at the front of the crowd, swaying back and forth, three feet from my favorite musician of all time. At one point, I thought I caught a smile from Jeff but then he looked away and started rambling about his nicotine patch. I looked back at Matt and mouthed, “OH. MY. GOD.” I knew I was in the presence of greatness.
Jeff disappeared after the show, but I didn’t bother looking for him. A year earlier, I might have waited around like a groupie so I could get a handshake or tell him what a devoted fan I was, but that night I just wanted to get back to the dorm with Matt. I was inspired. I wanted to play music.
Walking home, I said absently, “He didn’t play ‘Hallelujah.’ That’s too bad.”
“He’s probably sick of playing it,” Matt replied as he swung our hands back and forth.
“Yeah, you’re right. Thank you, by the way. That was amazing.”
“Anything for you.”
“Don’t go getting mushy on me, Matthias.”
He laughed. “Now who’s the one who can’t be serious?”
15. Gracie . . .
Matt
After the holidays, Grace and I spent as much time as we could together—mostly naked. It felt like we were trying to condense a whole relationship into a few short months before I left for South America. We must have told each other a million times that what we had was casual, but it didn’t feel that way. Grace avoided all conversations about what she was going to do when I left for the summer. She’d constantly reminded me that we were young, which sometimes felt like she was minimizing our relationship. I think she was trying to protect her heart. Maybe I was, too.
We hung out with Tati and Brandon a lot and went to seedy music venues on the Lower East Side and in Brooklyn every Friday. On Sundays, we’d lounge around, playing games or studying together at Senior House. But as the winter ended and we headed into early spring, we all got busy preparing for the end of college and the next phase of our lives. If I hadn’t lived right next door to Grace, I don’t know how we would’ve seen each other.
Finally, on the first warm day of April, Grace, determined to get the four of us together, gave us strict orders to meet up outside of the Old Hat at ten in the morning. The Old Hat was a grimy dive bar we’d go to after nicer bars closed for the night, so it was an unusual place to start the day.
I rubbed my hands together and clapped once. “All right, lady, what’s this all about?”
“Whiskey,” she deadpanned.
Brandon chuckled.
“It’s ten a.m., Grace,” Tati said with her hand on her hip, clearly not amused.
Grace grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the door. “Isn’t that a beautiful thing, you guys? We have all day. C’mon, we’re young. Let’s take advantage of it.”
The bartender at the Old Hat greeted us. Grace held up four fingers. “Four whiskeys, please.”
“Oh geez,” I heard Tati mumble.
“What are we doing, Gracie? For real.” I was totally confused.
The four of us sat in a row at the bar. “Everyone has been so busy lately and Matt’s leaving soon. I just want to spend some time with you guys getting drunk and having fun and not studying. I have the whole day planned for us.”
Tati held up her shot. “You’ve convinced me. I’m game.”
“Bottoms up,” Brandon said.
After we drank our whiskeys, Grace turned to us. “All right, let’s hit it.”
“Where to now?” I said.
Her eyes lit up. “The dark room.” She handed me a roll of film. “We need to develop that.”
“Please tell me it’s not naked pictures of you guys,” Brandon said.
“No, they probably have enough of those,” Tati added.
“It’s not,” Grace said. “It’s a clue.”
“What are we gonna do while you guys develop that?” Tati asked.
“You’re coming with us,” Grace said. “Matt can show you guys how to make a print.”
I smirked. “Yeah, it’ll be fun.”
We walked to the photo lab on campus, soaking in the warm spring air along the way. There were a series of small rooms where students could develop film negatives and then a bigger room filled with red light, enlargers, and developing pans for students to make prints. I set up some negatives in enlargers from a roll of film I had left in the room, so Tati and Brandon could make prints. They were shots of me and Grace making stupid faces at the camera; it was kind of a throwaway project, but at least Brandon and Tati could amuse themselves while Grace and I developed the roll.
We walked down the hall and I pulled Grace into one of the smaller rooms and closed the door. “Thanks for planning today. This is fun.” I kissed her against the door and hitched her leg up around my waist, running my hand up her thigh and pushing her dress higher.
“I thought you told me people don’t do this in here.”
“I don’t know what other people do, and I don’t really care.”
She whimpered but pulled out of my embrace. “We need to develop that film, Romeo.”
“Killjoy,” I muttered. “Fine, I’ll get it started, but I’m gonna get some after.”
“I’ll be at your disposal then, but get that roll going first.”
“All right, I have to turn the red light off to develop it so it’s going to be completely dark in here for about twelve minutes.”