It had been so long since I’d gotten high, that I’d assumed I could handle more than I could. Or maybe Big Timmy had gotten some of that good chronic in from his supplier.
All I knew was that at some point during the night, Jennifer and I started making out on the couch in Timmy’s “man cave.” And then she whispered something in my ear about how she lived nearby…
Before I knew it, I was back at Jennifer’s tiny studio apartment, lying on her futon bed while she straddled me, and there was gangsta rap playing on her iPod. We were both still fully clothed, but Jennifer was trying to change that fast.
She pulled off her tank top and tossed it over the side of the bed. She still had her bra on, and her jeans. She looked down at me and smiled. “I bet you have a fucking awesome six pack,” she said, and pulled my t-shirt up to reveal my stomach. Her eyes widened. “Holy shit, it’s even better than I thought.” She began running her hands along my midsection.
“My goal in life isn’t to have great abs,” I told her. “I just got that from training to fight.”
“I know,” she replied. “Everyone told me you’re a wicked good fighter.”
“Who told you?” I asked, pulling my t-shirt back down again.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Timmy. Some other people. You know every girl at that party wanted to fuck you. Right?”
“No, I didn’t know that.”
“Well it’s true. But only I’m going to actually do it.” And that being said, she started unbuckling my belt.
Suddenly, I had a strange moment of clarity. The fog that had been sitting in my brain seemed to disperse momentarily, and I realized where I was and who I was with.
And more to the point, who I wasn’t with.
Lindsay’s face appeared in my mind, and I saw her smiling that shy little smile. I heard her voice, the softness and innocence of it.
“What the hell am I doing here?” I said.
“What?” Jennifer stared at me. “What did you say?”
“Sorry, I… I didn’t know I was talking out loud.”
She slid off me, covering her chest with her hands and looking disturbed. “I thought you wanted to be here. I thought you liked me.”
“Listen, you’re a nice girl, but—”
“Save your bullshit for someone who actually believes it,” she replied. Her whole attitude had changed in a flash.
I sat up. “Hey, I’m sorry. I’m just really drunk and high right now. I’m not thinking straight.”
“Get out.”
I stood up, trying to think of something else I could say. But Jennifer wasn’t looking at me, she was just waiting for me to leave.
And a moment later, I did.
The cool night air hit my face and woke me up a little bit as I exited Jennifer’s apartment building. It was late, and the streets were mostly empty. I was glad to be able to walk and sober up a little with the fresh air and the brisk wind.
By the time I got home, I was tired and starting to feel sick to my stomach. The room was even spinning a little as I fell into my bed, but I didn’t much care.
All I could seem to think about was Lindsay, replaying the night we’d had together and how much I wanted to see her again. Even though I knew we weren’t right for each other, and even though I knew she could never accept my world, I didn’t want to give up on her yet.
You might be a little crazy, I thought as I spun off to sleep. But if I’m crazy, I’m also smart enough to know that Lindsay is different from any girl I’ve ever met. And maybe she’s worth fighting for, too.
LINDSAY
Justin.
He was my first thought when I woke up the next morning. I could still remember the way his hand felt in mine, the way his eyes burned when he looked at me, the sense of danger that simmered just under the surface whenever I was around him.
I didn’t want him to leave last night. Yes, I’d told him to go -- but as soon as I was heading back to my dorm, I was filled with regret. It had thrown me completely off guard, the way his friends showed up out of nowhere like that. Justin’s whole demeanor changed, and I’d felt instantly out of place. It reminded me of the way I used to feel in high school whenever anyone would talk about a party they’d gone to or a game they’d attended.
I rolled over in bed and checked the clock. Nine a.m. My first class, organic chemistry, was at ten. My first real day of college, and all I could think about was a boy.
How pathetic.
Well. I wasn’t going to let Justin Brown ruin my day.
I glanced over at the bed across the room. Rachel was still asleep, her blonde hair fanned out on her pillow.
A second later, she opened her eyes and blinked at me sleepily.
“Good morning,” she said cheerfully. She looked at the clock. “I can’t believe I slept so late.”
She stretched her whole body, yawned, then jumped out of bed. She was wearing a white t-shirt that barely covered her stomach and a pink thong. Okayyy. Apparently she didn’t have a problem with nudity.