So I left her in the bathroom, trying my hardest not to imagine her peeling off those last few layers of clothing, revealing her creamy, soft skin…trying my best not to remember what it had felt like when I’d touched her body in the ocean and how her eyes looked when the water reflected off of them, how they beckoned me to fall into them forever.
I went into my room while she took her bath. I changed into a pair of clean shorts and a plain white t-shirt. Then I took a few minutes to straighten up, grabbing the four or five empty beer cans and running them into the kitchen, where I threw them in the trash under the sink.
“What’s going on?” Wyatt asked, from the front hallway.
I spun, like I was guilty of some crime. I hadn’t realized he was home. “Huh?
Nothing. Just cleaning up my room.”
He frowned. “Since when do you clean your room at, like, eleven o’clock at night?”
“Look, I have a guest.”
“Oh.” Wyatt nodded like he understood everything. “Hey, I thought I should tell you, Gil came by earlier while you were out.”
“Gil?” For a moment, I almost forgot about how dirty or clean my room was.
“What did he say?”
Wyatt shook his head and his expression was one of confusion. “He wasn’t making a whole lot of sense. He said he wanted to talk to you about something, and I told him he could hang here and wait for you, but he couldn’t sit still.”
My guts started to churn. “Was he high?”
“I don’t—”
I stepped towards him. “Dude, was he fucked up or not?”
“I told you, I don’t know, JB. Don’t get pissed off at me, I’m just telling you what happened.”
I calmed down immediately, feeling guilty for my outburst. “Sorry, I just get worried about him.”
“I know you do. We’re all worried about Gil. Not just you.”
And then he walked out of the kitchen and a few moments later, I heard the door to his room close again.
I thought about Gilbert. I was worried and annoyed and then, finally, angry at him. This was his pattern. He’d come back to town after being away in jail and cause me to worry and throw my life into chaos. He’d done it before. At any moment, he might do something so crazy that he’d be dead or in jail again. He was my best friend, more than a brother to me, and there wasn’t a thing I could do to stop him.
“Hello? Justin?” I heard Lindsay call out from the bathroom.
Quickly, I walked down the hall. “Hey, I’m here.”
“I’m done my bath. Did you have something for me to change into?”
“Oh, yeah.” I ran back to my room and got some sweatpants and another t-shirt.
I was expecting to pass them to her through the bathroom door, but when I turned around, Lindsay was standing there in her towel.
My breath was nearly knocked out of me, she was so beautiful. I could see the swell of her breasts, and the towel only came down to the tops of her thighs. It didn’t leave all that much to the imagination. She looked confidently at me, clearly wanting something.
This was my moment.
But once again, I hesitated. To do this now would change everything, and I was certain I would only screw Lindsay up if I took advantage of her interest in me. She didn’t know the half of how fucked up my life was.
Instead of throwing her on the bed and ravishing her the way I wanted to, I just gave her the clothes instead. “You stay here and change,” I said, looking away. “I’ll wait outside.”
“Okay.”
I sensed confusion and disappointment in her voice, but I ignored it.
Stay with the game plan. Don’t drag her into your world.
I waited outside for a while and then she called me back in. “Is everything okay?” she asked. She could sense something, but how could I explain to her that I wanted to touch her and kiss her and I was fighting it with every ounce of strength in my body?
So I just shook my head and grunted.
I turned off the light. “I think we should just go to bed,” I said. “We both have stuff to do tomorrow.”
“Oh, yeah. Sure.” She sat down on the bed. “Do you want me to— ”
“I’ll just go brush my teeth and then I’ll be back,” I told her.
I walked into the bathroom, brushed my teeth. How could I be so close to her and not touch her? What was I doing?
She wants you to kiss her. She wants to be with you.
That was because she was young and na?ve, though. I would be an asshole to give her what she wanted, knowing what I knew about my own tendencies. Even my damn coach wanted to get rid of me.
After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I was even more determined to stick to my guns. I came back to the bedroom and she was lying in my bed, beneath the covers. Her back was facing me as I slid into bed beside her. I stayed as far away as I could, but still I could feel the heat from her body radiating out towards me.
“Goodnight, Lindsay,” I said, softly, turning away from her.
“Goodnight, Justin,” she whispered back.
I was so keyed up, I thought I’d be awake all night, thinking about Lindsay in bed next to me. But I must have been way more tired than I’d realized, because a few minutes later I drifted off to sleep.