“Getting dressed. I think it’s safe to say the moment has passed.”
I left him for the bathroom, dragging the comforter along with me. I washed my face and brushed my teeth, thankful he hadn’t let me go down on him. He would have to get tested for STDs. Just when I’d thought the hard part was behind us, everything had become more complicated.
I dried my face with a towel, and then the tears came. As I cried silently into the lush cloth, everything he’d said and done since I arrived along with the drunk text all made sense. He’d practically admitted it to me then. He had made a huge mistake, but until now, he was the only one who had lost trust. I was just as capable of breaking his heart, and I didn’t need to sleep with someone else to do it.
I returned, wearing one of Taylor’s T-shirts as a nightgown, carrying the rolled up comforter in my arms. He was still sitting on the end of the bed, his head in his hands.
“I’m going to stay,” I said. “We have a lot to work out. But don’t make me feel like I need to console you. When you’re around me, you’re going to have to suck it up.”
He nodded and pushed himself back until he was at the head of the bed. He watched me fan out the blanket, and then I turned down the covers on my side of the bed.
“Can I hold you?” he asked.
“No,” I said simply, lying down and turning my back to him.
I couldn’t fall asleep. I heard every noise from his every breath and sigh and every movement he made. The air conditioner eventually kicked on as I stared at the cracks in the walls and then the ceiling. We had spent enough nights together that I knew he wasn’t asleep, too, just by the way he breathed, but we lay there, not speaking, not touching, both of us feeling tortured.
It seemed like I had just dozed off when the birds outside began to chirp and squawk. Taylor sucked in a deep breath and blew it out, signaling that he was still asleep.
I crept out of bed, put on my swimsuit, cover-up, and hat, and I grabbed my sunglasses and phone before sneaking outside.
“Oh. Hey,” Travis said. “Are you going down to the beach?”
I nodded. “You?”
He shook his head. “Headed to Thomas’s room before they leave. They have an early flight.”
“Oh. Okay. Well, maybe I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah.”
Before I could take another step, Travis said, “Falyn? You make Taylor really happy. He didn’t just tell me that the other night, but it’s all over his face. Don’t let any boneheaded thing he might pull get in the way of that.”
My stomach sank. “Does everyone know?”
“Does everyone know what?” he asked.
I winced. “Nothing. Congratulations.” I passed him, trying not to run down the stairs.
I was the only one on the long stairway and the first one on the beach. The front row of loungers was free, so I picked one in the middle and relaxed.
Ten minutes later, another couple arrived. The sky changed gradually from black to dark blue to light blue, and then a spray of colors was cast across the sky, revealing the ocean and everything else the sunlight touched.
I closed my eyes and listened to the waves and the birds, trying to drown out my thoughts. I breathed in the thick salty air, failing miserably at keeping my focus on the beauty surrounding me and not the ugly visions of Taylor’s hands on the woman from California—his lips on hers, kissing and touching her the way he had done to me so many times before, how much she must have enjoyed herself because he was very, very good at those things.
My phone buzzed, and I glanced at the display, swiping when I saw a message from Taylor.
Is that you on the beach?
I turned, quickly locating him on our balcony.
Yes.
Okay. I’ll leave you alone. Just wanted to make sure you’re okay.
You don’t have to.
I don’t have to what?
Leave me alone.
Within three minutes, Taylor was standing next to my lounger on the beach, wearing nothing but swimming trunks and sunglasses on his head. He sat down, still panting.
“We have a lot to talk about,” I said.
He nodded. “I know sorry isn’t enough. Nothing I could say is going to fix it, and I’m going fucking nuts trying to think of something—anything—to make it right.”
I faced forward, glad my oversized hat protected me from his stare. “You’re right. But you’re also not the only one who fucked up here. I recognize that.”
He lowered his head, propping his forehead with his hand. “I’m so fucking relieved you’re being so levelheaded about this, but I gotta admit, Falyn”—he looked up at me—“it’s freaking me out a little that you’re this … Zen.”
“I don’t feel Zen. I feel hurt and angry and betrayed. Our flight leaves at three, and until then, we’re here together with your family. Flipping out on you won’t solve anything.”
He watched me for a moment. “So, what? You’re going to dump me as soon as we get back stateside?”
“I don’t know.”
He sighed. “I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for betraying you. I’m sorry for making you angry. If you give me another chance, it will never happen again.”
“I believe you,” I said.
He sat on the sand next to me, slipped his fingers between mine, and kissed my knuckles.
After half an hour of silence, Trenton and Camille joined us. Not long after that, Travis came down, alone. He didn’t speak and sat two chairs away, staring at the ocean.
“Uh-oh,” Trenton said, standing up to walk over to his brother.
Taylor squeezed my hand and then joined the other two men. They chatted quietly but mostly sat in silence, all seeming to stare at the same point in the water.
“I ran into Travis this morning,” I said to Camille.
“You did?” she asked. “Where?”
“He was on his way to Thomas’s room. Think it has anything to do with that?”
“Thomas?” she paused, pensive. “No,” she said. “I don’t.”