Startled, I jerked to a stop. Travis walked into the light, unshaven and pale. “Jesus, Travis! You scared the hell out of me!”
“If you would answer your phone when I call I wouldn’t have to sneak around in the dark.”
“You look like hell,” I said.
“I’ve been through there once or twice this week.”
I tightened my arms around me. “I’m actually on my way to grab something to eat. I’ll call you later, okay?”
“No. We have to talk.”
“Trav….”
“I turned Benny down. I called him Wednesday and told him no.” There was hopeful glimmer in his eyes, but it disappeared when he registered my expression.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Travis.”
“Say you forgive me. Say you’ll take me back.”
I clenched my teeth together, forbidding myself to cry. “I can’t.”
Travis’ face crumpled and I took the opportunity to walk around him, but he side-stepped to stand in my way. “I haven’t slept, or ate…I can’t concentrate. I know you love me. Everything will be the way it used to be if you’d just take me back.”
I closed my eyes. “We are dysfunctional, Travis. I think you’re just obsessed with the thought of owning me more than anything else.”
“That’s not true. I love you more than my life, Pigeon,” he said, hurt.
“That’s exactly what I mean. That’s crazy talk.”
“It’s not crazy. It’s the truth.”
“Okay…so what exactly is the order for you? Is it money, me, your life…or is there something that comes before money?”
“I realize what I’ve done, okay? I see where you’d think that, but if I’d known that you were gonna leave me, I would have never…I just wanted to take care of you.”
“You’ve said that.”
“Please don’t do this. I can’t stand feeling like this…it’s…it’s killin’ me,” he said, exhaling as if the air had been knocked out of him.
“I’m done, Travis.”
He winced. “Don’t say that.”
“It’s over. Go home.”
His eyebrows pulled in. “You’re my home.”
His words cut me, and my chest tightened so much that it was hard to breathe. “You made your choice, Trav. I’ve made mine,” I said, inwardly cursing the quivering in my voice.
“I’m going to stay the hell out of Vegas, and away from Benny…I’m going to finish school. But I need you. I need you. You’re my best friend.” His voice was desperate and broken, matching his expression.
In the dim light I could see a tear fall from his eye, and in the next moment he reached out for me and I was in his arms, his lips on mine. He squeezed me tight against his chest as he kissed me, and then cradled my face in his hands, pressing his lips harder against my mouth, desperate to get a reaction.
“Kiss me,” he whispered, sealing his mouth on mine. I kept my eyes and mouth closed, relaxing in his arms. It took everything I had not to move my mouth with his, having longed for his lips all week. “Kiss me!” he begged. “Please, Pigeon! I told him no!”
When I felt hot tears searing down my cold face, I shoved him away. “Leave me alone, Travis!”
I had only made it a few feet when he grabbed my wrist. My arm was straight, outstretched behind me. I didn’t turn around.
“I am begging you.” My arm lowered and tugged as he fell to his knees. “I’m begging you, Abby. Don’t do this.”
I turned to see his agonized expression, and then my eyes drifted down my arm to his, seeing my name in thick black letters on his flexed wrist. I looked away, toward the cafeteria. He had proven to me what I had been afraid of all along. As much as he loved me, when money was involved, I would be second. Just like I was with Mick.
If I gave in, he would either change his mind about Benny, or he would resent me every time money could have made his life easier. I imagined him in a blue collar job, coming home with the same look in his eyes that Mick had when he returned after a night of bad luck. It would be my fault that his life wasn’t what he wanted it to be, and I couldn’t let my future be plagued with the bitterness and regret that I left behind.