“No, thanks.” He turned away, and it was obvious he felt guilty.
Ridley's lip quivered. “Maybe it's temporary, and my powers will come back.” She was trying to convince herself more than anyone.
Someone had to tell her. The sooner she faced reality, the sooner she would be able to move on. If she could. “I think they're really gone, Ridley.”
She whipped around to face me, her voice shaky. “You don't know that. Just because you went out with a Caster doesn't mean you know anything.”
“I know Dark Casters have yellow eyes.”
I heard the breath catch in her throat. She grabbed the bottom of her filthy tank top and yanked it up. Her skin was still smooth and golden, but the tattoo that had encircled her navel was gone. She ran her hands across her stomach, and then crumbled.
“It's true. She really took my powers.” Ridley opened her fingers, letting the lollipop fall into the dirt. She didn't make a sound, but the tears ran down her face in two silver lines.
Link walked over and held out his hand to pull her up. “That's not true. You're still pretty bad. I mean, hot. For a Mortal.”
Ridley jumped to her feet, hysterical. “You think this is funny? That losing my powers is like losing one of your stupid basketball games? They're who I am, you idiot! Without them I'm nothing.” Black streaks ran down her cheeks. She was shaking.
Link picked up her lollipop out of the dirt. He opened the water bottle and doused it. “Give it some time, Rid. You'll develop charms all your own. You'll see.” He handed it back to her. Ridley stared back at him blankly.
Without looking away, she hurled the lollipop as far as she could.
6.20
Common Thread
I had barely slept. Link's arm was swollen and purple. None of us were in any shape to trek through the muddy forest, but we didn't have a choice.
“You guys okay? We should go.”
Link touched his arm and winced. “I've felt better. Like, I don't know, every other day a my life.”
The gash on Liv's face was already beginning to scab over. “I've felt worse, but that's a long story, which involves Wembley Stadium, a bad trip on the tube, and far too many d?ner kebabs.”
I picked up my backpack, caked with mud. “Where's Lucille?”
Link looked around. “Who knows? That cat's always disappearin’. Now I know why your aunts kept her on a leash.”
I whistled into the trees, but there was no sign of her. “Lucille! She was here when we got up.”
“Don't worry, man. She'll find us. Cats have that sixth sense, you know?”
“She was probably tired of following us around, since we never get anywhere,” Ridley said. “That cat's a whole lot smarter than we are.”
I lost track of their conversation after that. I was too busy listening to the one in my head. I couldn't stop thinking about Lena and what she'd done for me. Why had it taken me so long to see what was right in front of me?
I knew Lena had been punishing herself all this time. The self-imposed isolation, the morbid pictures of headstones taped to her walls, the Dark symbols in her notebook and all over her body, wearing her dead uncle's clothes, even hanging out with Ridley and John — it was never about me. It was about Macon.
But I never realized I was an accomplice. Lena had a constant reminder of the crime she was trying herself for, over and over again. A constant reminder of what she lost.
Me.
She had to look at me every day and hold my hand and kiss me. No wonder she was so hot and cold, kissing me one minute and running away from me the next. I thought about the song lyrics, written over and over again on her walls.
Running to stand still.
She couldn't get away, and I wouldn't let her. In my last dream, I told her I knew about the trade. I wondered if she had the dream, too — if she knew I shared her secret burden. That she didn't have to carry it alone anymore.
I'm so sorry, L.
I listened for her voice in the corners of my mind, the faintest possibility she was listening. I didn't hear a sound, but I saw something, fleeting images in my peripheral vision. Snapshots rushing past me like cars in the fast lane on the interstate …
I was running, jumping, moving so fast I couldn't focus. Not until my vision adjusted as it had twice before, and I could make out the shapes of trees, leaves, and branches rushing by. At first, all I could hear were the leaves crunching beneath me, the sound of the air as I moved through it. Then I heard voices.
“We have to go back.” It was Lena. I followed the sound into the trees.
“We can't. You know that.”
Sunlight broke easily through the leaves. All I could see were boots — Lena's thrashed ones and John's heavy black ones. They were standing a few feet away.
Then I saw their faces. Lena's expression was stubborn. I knew that look. “Sarafine found them. They could be dead!”