Beautiful Chaos

Lena put her head in her hands. “I’m guessing, between Ridley and Savannah, we’ll all be kicked out of school by the end of the season.” We both knew what happened when you took on women like Mrs. Snow. Not to mention Savannah Snow.

 

“Well, you’ve got to give Ridley credit for one thing. It’s October, and she’s still at Jackson. She made it longer than three days.”

 

“Remind me to bake her a cake when I get home.” Lena was annoyed. “The last time we went to school together, I spent half my time doing her homework. Otherwise, she would’ve gotten every boy in school to do it for her. That’s the only way she knows how to operate.”

 

Lena rested her head on my chest. Our fingers intertwined, and I felt a jolt. Even though my skin would start to burn in a few minutes, it was worth it. I wanted to remember that feeling—not the jolt, but the touch before it. They way her hand felt in mine.

 

 

I never thought there would be a time when I’d need to remember. When she would be anywhere but in my arms. Until last spring, when she left me, and the memories—some too painful to remember, some too painful to forget—were all I had. Those were the things I held on to.

 

Sitting next to her on my front steps.

 

Kelting with her while I was lying in bed and she was in hers.

 

The way she twisted her charm necklace when she was lost in thought, like she was doing right now, while she watched the game.

 

The nothing-out-of-the-ordinary between us that was so unbelievable and so extraordinary. It wasn’t because she was a Caster. It was because she was Lena and I loved her.

 

So I watched her as she watched Ridley and Savannah. Until the drama courtside grew louder, and nothing was silent—even though you didn’t need to hear what they were saying to know what was going on.

 

“Okay, that’s a rookie mistake.” Lena narrated the action for me as Savannah got into Ridley’s face. Ridley was snarling like an alley cat. “See what I mean? You can’t come at Rid like that without expecting to get your face clawed off.” Lena tensed up. I could tell she was debating going down there before things got ugly.

 

Emory beat her to it, luring Ridley over to the sidelines. Savannah tried to look angry, but she was obviously relieved.

 

So was Lena. “That almost makes me like Emory.”

 

“You can’t solve all of Ridley’s problems for her.”

 

“I can’t solve any of them. I’ve spent my whole life not solving Ridley’s problems.”

 

I nudged her with my shoulder. “That’s why they’re Ridley’s problems.”

 

She relaxed and settled back on the bleacher. “When did you get so zen?”

 

“I’m not zen.” Was I? In the back of my mind, all I could think about was my mom and the beyond-the-grave wisdom that was uniquely hers. Maybe it was creeping into the front of my mind. “My mom came to see me.” I regretted saying it as soon as the words came out of my mouth.

 

Lena sat up so fast my arm went flying. “When? Why didn’t you tell me? What did she say?”

 

“A few nights ago. I didn’t feel like talking about it.” Especially not after I’d watched Lena’s mother plunge further into Darkness in the vision that same night. But it was more than that. I was coming unglued—talking to my unconscious aunt in my sleep, forgetting things when I was awake—and the impossibly heavy weight of doom lurking in the back of my mind. I didn’t want to admit how bad it was getting—to Lena or to myself.

 

Lena turned back to the basketball court. Her feelings were hurt. “Well, you’re full of information today.”

 

I wanted to tell you, L. But it was a lot to take in.

 

You could have told me like this.

 

I was trying to sort some things out. I think I’ve been mad at her all this time, like I blamed her for dying. How crazy is that?

 

Ethan, think about how I acted when I thought Uncle Macon was dead. I went crazy.

 

It wasn’t your fault.

 

I’m not saying it was. Why is everything about fault with you? It wasn’t your mom’s fault she died, but a part of you still blames her. It’s normal.

 

We sat next to each other on the bench without talking. Watching the cheerleaders cheer and the basketball players play below us.

 

Ethan, why do you think we found each other in our dreams?

 

I don’t know.

 

It’s not the way people usually meet.

 

I guess not. Sometimes I wonder if this is all one of those psychotic coma dreams. Maybe I’m lying in County Care right now.

 

I almost laughed, but I remembered something.

 

County Care.

 

The Eighteenth Moon. I asked my mom about it.

 

About John Breed?

 

I nodded.

 

All she said was something about evil having a lot of faces, and that it wasn’t up to me to judge.

 

Ah. The judging thing. See? She agrees with me. I knew your mom would like me.

 

I had one more crazy question.

 

L, have you ever heard of the Wheel of Fate?

 

No. What is it?

 

According to my mom, it’s not a thing. It’s a person.

 

“What?” I caught Lena off guard, and she stopped Kelting.

 

“The weird thing is, I keep hearing that phrase—the Wheel of Fate. Aunt Prue mentioned it, too, when I fell asleep in her room. It must have something to do with the Eighteenth Moon, or my mom wouldn’t have brought it up.”

 

Lena stood up and held out her hand. “Come on.”