Jaz's forehead creased as the pain of loss stabbed her in the chest. She hadn't felt or understood the pain as much as she did right then.
She'd known her sister through a diary, through the words of others and writing on paper, and a horrible nightmare that had plagued her thoughts for a year. And here was something personal, something she could touch and smell and look at and know it had belonged to the sister she had never known. The sister she'd always felt she had. Never knowing what that empty feeling of being separated from her was; or that it was even emptiness she was feeling, until the night Lora tragically died.
Now she understood the pain. Like half of her had been hacked away.
The crushing, harrowing emptiness had given her sleepless nights and remembering all of that took the wind out of her lungs. She gasped and a sob escaped her lips.
Edda stared, frozen.
Jaz clamped her hand over her mouth and shuddered. A cry that was muffled into a grieving moan reverberated through her hand and the tears flowed. She removed her hand after giving herself a moment to control herself and breathed. “I'm sorry,” she whispered and then sobbed again, exhaling and inhaling as if desperate for air.
“It's okay. I-I should apologize. I'm sorry, I didn't know...I didn't realize how much this would...”
Jaz shook her head, wiping her eyes. “It was just suddenly...too much.” She let out a choked sound that was a cross between a sob and a sad laugh, and sniffled.
Edda bobbed her head in understanding. When Jaz's cries stopped and settled into silent tears, Edda spoke again. “Nik had these stored. He thought you might want them and asked me to give them to you.”
Jaz looked up, frowning. “He gave it to you, to give to me...?” she trailed off, staring at a space by the fireplace.
Edda furrowed her brow, pulling her light brown eyebrows together, before slowly nodding. “He thought it best.”
Jaz wasn't happy with that answer though she told herself, what more did she expect?
During the days he'd been free from her mind -but at night he tormented her thoughts when she was left alone with them; and so she'd spent those dragging hours trying to think from his point of view.
On the night she'd nearly been killed, and saved by him, she ran off and she recoiled from him. And since then she'd been avoiding him. Just as much as he'd clearly been avoiding her. It upset her to think that she'd offended him enough to put the responsibility of delivering something as important as her dead sister's belongings, into Edda's hands.
“I guess,” Jaz finally mumbled. “Thanks.”
“It's okay. Listen, I've got to go out for a while. You'll be alright?”
Jaz nodded. “Edda?” she called after her.
Edda turned with her hand poised on the door handle.
“Did I offend him?”
She regarded Jaz with curious eyes.
“Is that why he gave it to you instead of coming himself?”
Edda frowned and still frowning, her lips pulled up into a smile. “No, of course not! I don't know exactly what happened that night but I do know that you saw him as he truly is. And it scared you. How could it have not? We both understand that. I think he just thought you needed your space... Plus it can't be easy, seeing Lora's things again. I guess it was too painful for him to bring it himself.”
“What does he do, during the day?”
Edda beamed. “He works a lot. Spends a lot of time in his office, or at council meetings. He's a bit of a workaholic. Today though, what time is it?” She glanced at the clock on the mantelpiece and Jaz followed suit. “Twelve-thirty. He'll be in the gym. He's got a class.”
“He teaches boxing,” Jaz stated. She'd seen him there enough times, feeling his eyes on her whether he was or wasn't watching. She didn't know. She rarely looked his way, even when her confidence increased as her power and skill on the bag flourished.
“Amongst other things. Martial arts like Tai Chi, Kung fu, Taikwondo. He's very good.”
“Where did he learn all that?” Jaz asked.
“He reads. A lot.”
Jaz smiled. That pleased her very much but her smile faded as the apprehension of seeing him again gnawed at her bones.
She put Lora's belongings under her bed without going through them: she wanted to save it for another time, when she was ready.
Then once she'd dressed, she headed out to the main building, towards the gym.
*
12:58 p.m.
Outside the Gym
Jaz watched with awe as Nik Driver fought on the mat with a man she didn't know.
She'd seen the nameless man once or twice in the gym, maybe passed him on her walks or through the corridors, but now she was unsure if she'd ever recognize him again after this.
How easily Driver smashed the guy's pasty face in like playdough. Blood sprayed off the man as easily as sweat. It was painful, horrifying and fascinating to watch.