1:40 p.m. At home.
After that, I was taken to hospital. The doctor examined me, discussed my symptoms and because I was still disorientated I said I thought I’d miscarried. Now they still won’t believe me when I say I wasn’t thinking straight then. But it doesn't matter.
After the examination, the doctor said he wanted to do some more tests. Thinking that the worst of it was over, I was sorely mistaken when the doctor sat me down and told me that not only couldn't he prove I wasn't a virgin -I still have no idea what that means- but that I'm not able to have children.
I'm as barren as a wasteland.
Something I was probably born with. He didn't say and I didn't ask. I was just too shocked for words. And now I don't really think it matters. I am what I am and it is what it is. Who cares about the details, right? I just can't bear to think about it anymore.
He then continued to say that maybe I drunk too much at a party and had intercourse with someone -which I denied- and he brought my denial down to distress, not pressing the issue further, adding that perhaps I got pregnant by accident and this was the result. Thinking about it now, I should have been insulted by his assumption. Not all teenagers get drunk and sleep around.
After that, I was sent home.
My parents didn't discuss it. In fact, it was like they were avoiding the subject altogether. And I've never told Ellie and Lisa. I don't know why but even though we're so close, this is something I want to keep to myself. My burden to bear. Or not to bear. Yeah, lame joke, I know.
And now even though I'm feeling more accepting of it, and less ashamed, I still can't bring myself to tell them about it. I wouldn't know how to drop that into a conversation.
The truth is, I haven’t been myself since. You can try to hide that from your friends, your family... your therapist (mentally rolling my eyes)- but you can't hide it from yourself.
My parents, especially my dad, began to notice my downward spiral when my grades went from pretty good to below average within months. I've been falling asleep in class because ever since that night, I have trouble sleeping.
My Head Teacher got complaints from my teachers, called my mum at home and voila! Therapy I went. Well... sort of. Skipped a few sessions in the beginning, but my Aunt Ruth is pretty serious about her job, and is a snitch too so I had to go to every session from then on.
So now every Tuesday, I have to go and talk about my feelings to a woman who doesn't believe I'm telling the truth anyway, so it kind of makes the whole thing pointless.
But seriously, I've spent a lot of those sleepless hours self-analysing, trying to figure out this whole thing, and all I can say is how could it have even happened? How?
How can your body get tricked into believing you're pregnant and miscarry? All because of a dream? I mean, is it even possible?
I couldn't have been pregnant. I’ve never got drunk and had sex with a random guy, and forgotten about it. And besides I'm practically glued to Lisa's and Ellie's behinds whenever I do go out, which is very rare, so they would've known if I'd done any dirty deeds. Believe me.
I just want this all to be over and it kills me that I can’t even talk about this to Ellie or Lisa. They’re the best, but they don’t know what it’s like. I can’t even grieve because it seems ridiculous to everyone else, and I can’t talk about it.
I guess I’ll just have to suffer this alone and in silence.
And hope it never happens again.
~Chapter 2 - Spread~
The previous year...
Saturday February 6th, 2010, 10:45 p.m.
Deer Creek, Arik’s study
Three weeks after the death of Lora Kormak, rumours spread like wildfire within the Deer Creek community.
People suspected she didn’t survive childbirth because she 'wasn't one of them'. And the Elders believed it was true.
“She wasn’t the right one,” Arik said. His face was lined with many decades of leadership. Tough decisions stained his memory and the consequences of them -good or bad- would haunt him forever. But it was his duty and he accepted it wholeheartedly.
His light blue eyes were youthful but severe as he gazed at his old friend, Maria across the table. The light from the hanging, ceiling lamp cast harsh shadows down both their faces.
“We don’t know that for sure,” she replied.
“Oh, come on, Maria! You've been thinking it for a while now. Don't treat me like a fool!” he growled.
She responded with a stern lip.
He blinked, washing away the anger from his eyes and flashed her a delicate smile.