He gripped her shoulders and kissed her tenderly once more before she turned her head away. He waited. She kept her eyes focused on a blank patch of wall, then shut them with shame. When she felt his warm hand brush her chin and cup it, turning her face towards him, she had to meet his gaze.
Oh my god, what have I done? She cursed herself. Why can't you keep your feelings to yourself? Why can't you understand that he's not who you should like? Don't you realize that every day he'll see Lora in you? He'll compare you to her?
She wished her first thoughts were for Lora, not herself.
How awful the idea that Lora was cursing her somewhere for stealing her man. How cruel it was to kiss the man her twin sister had loved, had conceived a child with, and would still be with now if she hadn't been killed.
Would Nik have still remained with Lora, had he met Jaz when Lora was alive? Would his feelings for Jaz have outweighed his feelings for Lora? And, the worst, most treacherous question of all... Would Jaz have kissed him if Lora were alive at this moment?
She was afraid the answer was yes. She would never forgive herself if that was the case.
Despite all those things, her first concern wasn't about the one thing that mattered: Lora; her pain, suffering and silent jealousy. Instead, Jaz's thoughts were completely selfish. She loathed herself because of it.
“We can't do this.” She stared at him with hard eyes. “Ever.”
He watched her with an intensity that made the heat in her body rise again. Her determination withered. She inched back even further, unable to trust herself.
“I loved Lora,” he said. “So much so, it felt like I died and went to hell when she was taken from me.”
Jaz felt like a weight was on her chest. Blood pulsed in her temples, causing a sharp pressure in her skull.
“But I feel like I could not live... if you weren't in my life.”
Jaz didn't realize her mouth was hanging open until she pressed her lips together.
“Does that make you uncomfortable?” He seemed a little too amused by the idea. His words came out almost as a tease.
She paused, unblinking. “A little.”
“Well, I don't care,” he said firmly.
She gaped at him.
“I'm not going to kill myself by treading on eggshells around you anymore. I've tried that. This is what I feel. You can take it or leave it. I'll be damned if I'm gonna feel ashamed about it, or feel like some awkward inconvenience to you.”
She stared at him unable to work out whether she was angry or stunned or flattered or offended.
“If I had a choice,” he went on, “I would spend this time prying your true feelings out of you, but there are important things to discuss. This can wait.”
~Chapter 34 - Mask~
Two days earlier...
Monday June 20th, 11:49 p.m.
In the woods
The Pack Leader conversed with the cloaked man in secret.
Two of the Pack Leader's most trusted men stood guard several hundred yards away. The wind direction was not in their favour and the words spoken between their Pack Leader and the stranger were swept away with the passing breeze. They were exposed, practically deaf and standing in rival territory with no nose to detect any danger.
The cloaked man always planned his meetings with the utmost precision, down to the last detail.
The Pack Leader did not know who he was but he could see from the cloaked man's physique and the skin on his hands that he was young, in his early twenties or so. He didn't recognize his scent but the young man was clever and had masked his original odour. The Pack Leader was still trying to figure it out when the cloaked man's sharp tone cut his thoughts in half.
“Are you listening?”
He looked up at the shadowed eyes of his cloaked ally. A faint glimmer of brownish light told him his eyes were hazel. The Pack Leader nodded firmly. “Next Monday. The 27th. Got it.”
“I don't want anyone to die. But do enough damage to get his attention. He will refuse a duel if you kill his Pack members. And many will back him up on that.”
“You included?”
The heat from the man's glare was electrical.
The Pack Leader inched his neck back ever so slightly with unease, but kept his expression serious, if a little ironic.
“What I do outside of our meetings is not your concern,” the cloaked man stabbed back. “In case you've forgotten, no one knows who I am. Including you. I only told you my Pack title for the benefit of this plan, so don't throw it back in my face.”
“Why only tell me?”
“Because I need my anonymity to keep this plan alive, you idiot.”
“While I go out and risk my neck?”
The cloaked man lunged at the Pack Leader catching him off guard. The cloaked man had great strength for a smaller opponent and was absolutely terrifying even when his face was concealed by his balaclava and hood. His hand found the Pack Leader's throat and he thrust him against a tree.