She could feel it bruising but refrained from rubbing it.
He cocked his head to the side, without looking directly at Edda but letting her know he was addressing her. “Leave us.”
Without a word Edda walked towards the door, gave Jaz a stern but equally concerned look and headed outside. Garik moved out the way to let her pass but did not go with her.
Nik exhaled loudly. “You too, Garik.”
“I think I should stay in case you decide to break another wall with her spine again.”
Jaz gave him a sideways glance.
Nik gunned him a look that Jaz didn't see but she swore she could feel the heat of it as if she was standing next to a furnace. Without looking up, she heard Garik exit the room; the front door closed and they were alone.
This was the first time since Nik had saved her from Rufus that she was forced to face the memory head on. A lot of things had been left unsaid earlier in the gym office. They'd both held back.
She began to sweat at the thought of talking about that night, now that she'd foolishly blurted out that she thought they were all monsters. It had genuinely been aimed at only herself.
Jaz remembered what he'd asked her only a few hours earlier, 'What are you afraid of? Us?...Or yourself?'
Both, she admitted inwardly.
She had tried so hard to shut all memories of that night away. She was ashamed at what he'd seen; ashamed of how she'd reacted when she'd seen him as a Beast.
He'd seen her transform her hand into a claw. The memory was persistent now, demanding her attention. She shut her eyes, wishing she could push the images away. They remained there like the images were burned into her retinas. She looked down at her hand trying to imagine it as a claw. It didn't seem real. But it was. And it scared her so much she trembled.
Nik stepped back and held out his own hand in invitation. “Sit.”
She remained standing stiff by the wall.
He frowned at her. “Please.”
She couldn't move. It wasn't out of rudeness: she just physically couldn't move.
He dropped his hand and bared his teeth.
She saw how sharp they looked and swallowed; her throat was bone dry.
“You going to speak to me?” he asked.
She gazed around the room as if in a daze, then without warning a tear dropped from her eye and landed on her arm.
She hated herself for crying. “I'm sorry,” she whispered.
Nik focused on her face.
She didn't meet his gaze. “What I said. It wasn't what I meant.”
“Yes, it was.”
Their eyes met.
“No, it wasn't. This isn't me attacking you, or Edda or anyone here.”
“And yet you're talking about becoming what we are. And you referred to it as becoming a 'monster'. So we're monsters,” he said with impatience.
She sighed, biting her bottom lip then rubbing her forehead in frustration. “I can't explain-”
“Try,” he grunted.
“You won't understand!”
He stepped forward in irritation. “Stop telling me what I will and won't understand, what you can and can't explain and just tell me. Right. Now.”
He loomed over her making her feel so vulnerable she remembered why she used to be so terrified of him. No, that wasn't right. Not used to. She'd always been scared of him. Now she was very forcefully made aware of that fact.
She sniffed, pushing back the tears that were threatening to appear. “I've spent my whole life believing I was a normal human until two months ago when I found out I turned into this horrible, terrifying Beast that would kill any person in a second without so much as thinking about it!”
“We aren't all the same,” he muttered through gritted teeth.
“I nearly got killed by one! If you hadn't stepped in I'd be dead!”
“You're right. Because I have stronger self-control than him, I saved your life. And I could say the same for pretty much everyone. That is why no one else attacked you.”
“They were chasing me!”
“They were trying to stop him. Rufus has always found it harder than most.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” she snapped back.
He clenched his jaw in annoyance. “You shouldn't have been outside in the first place! Because you never listen and just do what you want when you want!”
She jumped forward in anger. “I went out that night because I couldn't stand one more second inside this cabin! In case you haven't noticed my body is not being itself, and that night I felt like I was locked inside an incinerator! I headed straight to the lake. Edda was home and making her worry by shoving my head in the freezer or showering next door to her bedroom in the middle of the night didn't seem like a good idea,” she retorted.
“So breaking curfew did?” he cut in coolly.