Good thing I only had insanity-sauce thoughts and didn’t actually act on them.
Seeing him, just like every time I saw him, was so fucking hard. Even before we got together it had been bad, but it was so much worse now knowing what it was like to be in his arms, to feel his skin against mine, and to know his kisses. Harder yet was trying to reconcile his kindness, good humor, and protectiveness with this Jase—the same one who’d dropped me after our very first kiss.
I got that he had baggage, but I wouldn’t have run from dealing with it. I would’ve helped him once I wrapped my head around it all. I would’ve loved him nonetheless.
The pen slipped out of my fingers and rolled onto my lap. A knot formed in my chest as he shifted his weight. He looked like he wanted to say something, but I couldn’t imagine what it would be since he’d been avoiding me like I was a bad case of herpes.
“Tess,” he said. My entire body tensed at the sound of his deep voice, and I closed my eyes.
Hearing him say my name . . . I forced the tears welling up in my eyes to dry when I reopened them. It hurt, because the boy . . . the boy broke my heart.
Calla stiffened, and I knew she was seconds from going mama bear all over his ass.
And he must’ve sensed it too, because his thundercloud-colored eyes shifted to her and then back to me. Whatever he was about to say was lost to the forever and never going to happen. He gave his head a quick shake and then pivoted on his heel and walked several rows down, taking a seat.
My gaze was fixed on the back of his head, on the way the ends of his hair curled up over the edges of the toboggan.
“Forget him,” Calla said.
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t ever just forget him.
“I mean it, Teresa. You deserve a guy that doesn’t bail on you and ignore you for weeks.”
“I know,” I whispered, studying the back of his head, easily recalling what it felt like to let his hair sift through my fingers. “Doesn’t make it any easier.”
Calla didn’t say anything, because what I said was the truth.
Heart heavy and chest aching so badly I wanted to just throw myself down and cry under the chairs, I turned my attention to my music final, determined not to fail because of Jase.
And to not shed another tear because of him.
After my last final, I trekked over to West Woods. Since I wasn’t planning on hanging around in Cam’s apartment during winter break all by myself like a total loser—instead I was going home to mommy and daddy like a total loser—there were still a few things I needed to get out of my dorm since I was planning on staying in Cam’s apartment next semester.
Even though Cam said he had no problem with me staying there, I needed to get a jobbie job and contribute something to the rent. And a job would help keep me distracted. Between not being able to dance, Deb’s death and Erik, and now Jase, I needed something to focus on bad until my brain and heart moved on.
That didn’t seem like it would happen anytime soon.
Cold wind chilled my cheeks, and the scent of snow was in the air as I crossed the lawn leading up to the dorms. My knee ached a little by the time I reached the lobby of Yost. With most kids already on their way home, the main room was pretty quiet with the exception of a few people lounging on the couches.
Digging out the key card from my backpack while I waited for the elevator, I tried to ignore the tightness between my shoulder blades. I hadn’t been back to the dorm since that horrible night. I didn’t want to go in our room, but I needed to get my stuff out and Cam would be over in an hour to load up his truck.
And I needed to act like a grown adult. There was nothing wrong with the dorm, and I seriously doubted the room was haunted. Bad vibes were expected, but I could spend the next however many minutes necessary to grab my remaining stuff.
Emboldened by my pep talk, I stepped into the elevator and rode it up to my floor. As I made it out to the hallway, my phone chirped, signaling that I had received a text. Thinking it was Calla or Cam, I pulled it out of the front pocket on my bag and nearly tripped.
Coming w/ Cam to help. Need to talk to u.
That was all the text from Jase said, but my heart was pounding and my stomach dipping as if the text had said much more than that. Like the text had read: I’m a fucking turd and I made a big mistake and I’ll love you a long time.