Be with Me(Wait for You)

Seventeen





Dinner with Cam and Avery made me feel like a voyeur who was watching a couple who were only minutes away from getting it on like two rabbits who’d been forced into celibacy. During dinner, I counted five kisses on the cheek or temple. Four kisses on the lips. At least ten times when Cam’s hand seemed to disappear under the table and half of that when Avery’s arm moved far to the right of her.

By the time dinner was over, they were too caught up in playing grabby hands to question why I crutched my way over to Jase’s Jeep instead of catching a ride with them. Spending all this time with Jase wouldn’t go unnoticed for too long, but it wasn’t a conversation we could have in the parking lot between Outback and a Christian bookstore.

Although Cam and Avery had no problem with fusing their mouths together in said parking lot.

The ride back to my dorm was quiet. The radio was turned to the ’90s channel, volume low. It was still early in the night, but I had to keep covering my mouth with my hand. So much had happened today. So much had changed in the last three days. There was a bone-deep weariness in my core. I glanced over at Jase, his striking profile dark. Extreme giddiness swept through me when I realized that Jase and I . . . well, we were together. He was my boyfriend. There was a label, and I felt like I was seconds from breaking into a fit of giggles like I was thirteen.

Sadness snapped on the heels of the happiness, and I returned my gaze to the passenger window. I closed my eyes against the sudden burn. I couldn’t dance anymore. The loss of something that had been so important to me was like a dark shadow creeping over everything else. It had been this way during dinner. I’d feel happy. I’d smile and laugh and then I’d remember what I lost today.

All my plans. My goals. My hopes. My future. All gone.

I didn’t want to focus on the crap part of my life, but pushing it out of my head was hard, and those thoughts lingered in the recesses of my mind.

Jase rode the elevator up with me at the dorm, took my key card, and opened the door to my suite. He stepped inside, flipping on the light so I didn’t slam my crutches into anything. As usual, the door to our suitemates’ room was closed. On the dry-erase board by the desk, there was a note from Debbie with today’s date, saying she was spending the night at Erik’s.

“Do you want to stay?” I blushed because it sounded like an invite for some bow-chicka-bow-wow. Not that I was entirely against that, but standing there with crutches didn’t make me feel sexy. “I mean, you’re welcome to hang out.”

Welcome to hang out? God, I sounded like an idiot.

Jase grinned as he sauntered in. “There’s really no other place I’d rather be.”

My lips split into a wide smile, and I turned before he could see how obviously happy that made me. “Be right back.”

Leaving the crutches in the corner, I carefully gathered up my nightclothes and bath stuff. I changed into a pair of cotton sleep pants and a shirt, forgoing the bra. The shirt was black, so it didn’t show much. I left the brace on and quickly washed my face. After pulling down my ponytail, I ran a brush through my hair and then returned to my room.
     



Jase had made himself comfortable on my narrow bed. Stretched out on his back, the remote control to the TV that sat on our dresser rested on his flat stomach. He’d even kicked his shoes off. Seeing him there caused a flutter deep in my belly, which only increased when he patted the spot next to him.

“Should you be walking around without the crutches?” he asked.

Ignoring the ache in my knee, I slowly made my way over to him and sat. “It’s not that big of a distance. Besides, these rooms are too small to use crutches.”

He settled on the ID channel and then rolled onto his side, dropping the remote onto the nightstand. He cupped his hand around my elbow and tugged as he peered up at me through thick, dark lashes. “Lie down with me?”

How in the world could I resist that request? With him on his side, I was able to lie on my back beside him. The moment my head touched the pillow, he smiled in a way that made my toes curl.

“How you doing?”

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.

“Understandable.” He scooped up the strands of my hair, brushing them back from my face. “You’ve had a lot going on today—the last couple of days.”

“Yeah. My head is going in different directions.” My chest rose sharply as he traced the outline of my lower lip with his thumb. “Everything feels different now.”

“Does it?”

I nodded and then stilled as his hand drifted down the valley between my breasts and then stopped just below them. Sharp tingles followed his hand, and the tips of my breasts tightened. I knew he noticed because his gaze dipped, and he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth. His lashes swept up, and our gazes locked.

He curved his hand around my ribs. “You talking about us or . . . ?”

“Both,” I whispered.

His gaze traveled over my face, lingering on my lips. Heat moved from my belly and seemed to pool between my thighs. There was a moment where the only sound was my pounding heart and the low hum from the TV. “It’s going to be okay.”

I smiled as I placed my hand over his. “I know.”

“About us. The difference? Good or bad?”

“Good. Very good.”

He tipped his head down and brushed his lips over my forehead. A shiver coursed over my skin. “We’re going to have to do better than good.”

“We are?”

“Uh-huh,” he murmured, and then he kissed me.

There was something different about this kiss. Maybe it was because it was taking place in my bed or it was our first real kiss after our conversation. Or maybe it was something else. Either way, he sipped from my lips, drank from my mouth. The kiss went on forever as he tasted and explored. I never knew it was possible for a kiss to be so powerful, but it was.

“How about that?” he asked, a slight tremble running up his arm as his lips brushed mine.

My body seemed to sink through the mattress. In that moment, with my lips still tingling with the touch of his, I didn’t—couldn’t—think about all the things that were wrong. “That was better than good. That was great.”

He kissed me again, but this time with a slow, sweet sweep of his lips. It was those soft, dragging kisses that affected me beyond the physical that caused the swelling warmth in my chest that spoke of love and forever and other tender, silly things I didn’t want to admit out loud.

But it still got me on a physical level. Even with the constant ache in my knee, the ache in other parts of my body hadn’t diminished. I wanted Jase on an almost painful level. The very idea of nothing between our bodies, of him inside me, nearly drove me crazy with the desire to explore.

Jase lifted his mouth from mine, breathing raggedly as he settled on his side beside me. I expected him to touch me. My breasts felt swollen and full with his hand so close, but he did nothing.

I turned my head toward him. His eyes were a fierce silver as he groaned deeply. “You keep looking at me like that, I’m going to strip the clothes off you and get so far deep inside you that I’ll never get out.”

Everything in my body tightened, and the muscles in my lower stomach spasmed in response to his words. “I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

He made that deep, sexy rumble again, and I burned partly due to my own boldness. “You make this so hard.”

“I do?” I reached for him, and as my fingers brushed the visible line in his jeans, he caught my wrist in a gentle grasp. In confusion, I raised my gaze to his.

His eyes squeezed closed. “Yeah, you make me hard. All the f*cking time. I’m a constant walking erection around you, but I . . . I want to do this the right way.”

My fingers curled in as he held my hand near his chest. “The right way?”

When his eyes reopened, a slight pink flush stained his cheeks. “The right way. You know. Us not being just all about sex.”

My lips parted, but I didn’t say anything. I was stunned by the fact Jase was blushing and from what he’d said.

The hue in his cheeks deepened. “As hard as it is to go slow with this, because damn, baby, I want you in every way imaginable.” He lowered my hand and pressed his erection against my palm, proving his next words. “I want you so badly right now it’s killing me, but every girl I’ve been with since . . . since a really long time has only ever been about sex. Getting in. Getting off. Then getting out.”

“Like Steph?” I blurted out before I could stop myself.

He cringed. “Yeah, like Steph. And that was okay with her—with them. Because as much as a dick as this makes me sound like, I didn’t care about them. Not like I care about you, Tess. I want this—I want us to be different. I want us to mean more than sex. I need us to mean more than that. Okay?”

As I stared at him, a knot climbed up and got lodged in my throat. Tears filled my eyes.

His pupils dilated as he dropped my hand and cupped my cheeks. “Baby, why are you about to cry? Did I—”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I said quickly, my voice cracking. “You did everything perfectly.”

Confusion marked his expression. “I don’t understand.”

I laughed hoarsely. “It’s okay.” Leaning over, I kissed him. Whoever Jack’s mom was, was truly missing out. “It’s perfect.”

“You sure? F*ck what I think is right and wrong. Because I can get naked in like two seconds flat and be inside you quicker than that.”

I nodded and laughed again.
     



Jase rested his forehead against mine and closed his eyes. His warm breath danced over my lips. “I want to take you out on a date. I want to take you horseback riding. I want to tell your brother. I want to take you home to my parents and introduce you as my girlfriend. I want to prove this means more to me. I want to do this the right way.”

My chest squeezed under the pressure of what I felt for him in that moment. If I hadn’t already tumbled head over heels in love with him, I would’ve tonight, but I was already lost in him. Those three little words formed on my tongue, but I kept them to myself as I snuggled closer, closed my eyes, and allowed myself to just enjoy his closeness and his almost desperate want to do this the right way.


In spite of all the stuff running through my head, I slept like the dead after Jase left, waking up oddly refreshed. I’d thought Wednesday morning would be hard to face, waking up to a future I hadn’t planned, but if anything, what I really felt was an odd sense of anticipation.

As I got ready for classes, I received a text from Jase. He wouldn’t be in music but would be there to pick me up afterward. When I asked if everything was okay, he’d replied with a quick text saying everything was cool.

Excitement was palpable in the halls of Whitehall. Somehow I’d forgotten that we didn’t have classes Thursday or Friday. Fall break—a four-day weekend. History wasn’t nearly as crowded, but maneuvering with crutches was still damn inconveniencing.

Sympathy clouded Calla’s face when she got an eyeful of me and my crutches. “What happened?”

As I sat awkwardly in the chair, I told her I’d lost my balance on Sunday. I didn’t mention anything about Erik or Debbie. Not because I cared what people thought about the a*shole, but I didn’t want Debbie to have to deal with it. Somewhere between yesterday morning and today, I decided Deb and I were going to have a nice long chat the next time she was in the dorm. I was going to tell her the truth—of what happened to me. It might not make a difference, but maybe it would.

“What about dancing?” Calla asked, and I winced.

“My knee is too unstable and it will most likely stay that way.” My stomach dipped at those words, as if saying them made it somehow more real. “It shouldn’t have given out on me Sunday, so . . .”

She leaned forward, lowering her voice. “So no dancing?”

Unable to say those words, I shook my head.

Her face fell. “I’m so sorry.”

“Thanks,” I croaked out.

I wasn’t very talkative after that. The whole “refreshed” mood evaporated when we missed the bus to west campus and I had to hoof it over. My armpits were killing me by the time we hit the arts center, and they still ached when I hobbled out at the end of class.

God knows how long I had to worry with these crutches. My lips slipped into a scowl as I tried to balance myself and pull down the back of my shirt. It would be so much easier if I didn’t have classes on both sides of the campus. I could drop music. Or if I dropped history, then I only had to go from my dorm to music then to east campus—

I cut those thoughts off. Dropping classes was like quitting. Giving up. I would not do that. No matter how much of a pain in my ass this would become.

“There’s your man,” Calla said, causing me to almost topple over as I stood on the pavilion.

I almost asked her how she knew, but then I realized that she was just teasing me. I wanted to tell Calla about us, but I needed to tell Cam first. Strangely, it didn’t seem real until then. Like if I couldn’t announce it on Facebook, then it hadn’t happened yet.

I rolled my eyes at that and turned to her. “I’ll see you later.”

She waved good-bye as I painstakingly made my way to where he was idling in the no parking zone. Jase got out and jogged around to my side. Brown hair curled out from under the gray knit skullcap he wore. I decided it was a good look for him.

He opened my door and then took my crutches, placing them in the back, and when he turned to me, he started to lower his head, as if he were going to kiss me hello. My insides tensed. He stopped short, let out a deep breath, and then cupped my elbow.

“Up you go,” he said, and I shivered at the deepness in his voice.

Once he was in the Jeep, I glanced over at him. “Did you get everything taken care of this morning?”

“Yeah.” His gaze flicked to the rearview mirror. A campus police cruiser was coming around the bend. With a quick, satisfied grin, he pulled out before they could get him for where he was parked. “Mom called me early this morning. Jack was sick all night. Throwing up.”

“Oh no, is he okay?”

He nodded. “He’s got a bug. Doc said he just needed to drink lots of fluids and rest. He’ll be out of school the rest of the week. He was pretty upset about that.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, he loves his teacher and going to school.” He paused, rubbing his chin. “Hopefully he stays like that.”

I leaned toward him. “Did you like going to school when you were little?”

“Yes.”

“Did it stay that way?”

He laughed. “Hell no. I skipped more than I went to class—Jack’s different, though. He will be different.”

I smiled at that, silently wishing him luck.

“If he’s feeling better this weekend, I thought we could . . . I don’t know, take him out to lunch or something?”

That was huge. I nodded eagerly, a little nervous. What if Jack woke up one morning and decided he hated me? Kids were fickle like that.

“Good,” he said, relaxing.

Since a lot of students had already bailed for the four-day weekend, we didn’t have any problem finding a parking spot near the Den, and the place was practically empty as I walked in. Jase carried my bag and slowed his long-legged steps to match mine.

Only Cam and Avery were at the table, sharing a slice of pizza. I opted for a hot dog and fries—breaking up the monotony of greasy hamburgers—and Jase, I think, got an entire pizza judging by the stacks of slices on his plate.

Sitting down across from the lovebirds, I stretched out my right leg. “I’m surprised you guys are here. I thought you were heading up to Pennsylvania?”

“We are.” Cam swiped a handful of fries off my plate and didn’t even bother to look guilty. “We’re leaving tonight.”

“Excited?” I asked Avery.

She nodded rapidly, causing her high ponytail to bounce. “I’ve never been there, so I can’t wait.”
     



“What are you guys planning to do there?” Jase dropped an elbow on the table, and as he leaned forward, he picked up the second slice of pizza and lowered his other hand under the table. “I mean, what do you do in the Poconos? Stare at trees?”

Cam snorted. “No. There’s hiking, indoor saunas, wine, fishing—I’m taking Avery fishing. She’s never done it . . .”

As my brother went on . . . and on, Jase shifted closer, pressing his right leg against my left one. A second later, his hand landed just above my knee. My eyes widened as I stilled, hot dog halfway to my mouth.

“And we’re renting a boat on Saturday,” Cam continued, sending Jase a meaningful look that made me drop my hot dog.

Did he see what was Jase was doing? Oh God . . .

Cam frowned at me. “You okay over there?”

“Yeah,” I squeaked, and grabbed my hot dog as Jase’s hand crept up my leg. “So, um, a boat?”

My brother said something that made the skin around Avery’s eyes crinkle as she laughed, but I was too focused on Jase’s hand curving over my upper thigh. I took a deep breath when he leaned over, plucking up a few fries, using the closeness to his advantage.

His hand slipped between my thighs.

Oh my God . . .

Heat flooded my face as I ducked my chin, but the warmth also went way south, traveling to one point, right where his hand was heading. He wouldn’t do it.

“What kind of boat is it?” Jase asked, and dear God, he sounded completely at ease.

Whatever boat Cam was renting totally wasn’t even on my radar. Jase’s hand inched closer, the tips of his fingers brushing the band covering the zipper of my jeans.

I drew in a deep breath as my hand tightened around the hot dog. Pieces of the bun crumbled. He wouldn’t go any farther. No way.

“So what are you doing?” Avery asked, resting her chin in her hands.

“Nothing really, I’m going—” Words were cut off when those long fingers slipped down the band and pressed in. Sensation flared. A sharp pulse shot through me. I don’t know how I didn’t jump.

Cam tilted his head to the side. “Yeah, what?”

“I’m going to . . .” I placed my bun on the plate as he slid his finger down and then up, tugging on the jeans. The motion increased the intensity, creating an ache deep inside me.

“Going to . . . ?” Jase asked innocently.

What a beastly bastard.

“Going to stay here,” I finished.

“You need to get a car,” Cam said. “Then you could at least go home and visit Mom and Dad.”

Jase’s hand moved to my thigh, and I wasn’t sure if I should be relieved or disappointed. My body throbbed, but my head cleared a little. “Well, I’ll buy the car with my imaginary money from my imaginary job.”

He made a face. “I know damn well Mom and Dad are giving you money.”

“Yeah, like to buy food. Not a car,” I replied.

“You’re leaving your truck here, right?” Avery picked up her water. “Maybe she could—”

“Oh, hell no to that.” Cam looked at Avery like she was crazy. “She is not driving my truck.”

Jase kept his hand on my thigh, and by the time lunch was done, I was torn between wanting to punch Jase and climb up on him, rip his pants open, and—

“Hey,” Cam said, interrupting my really inappropriate thoughts. “I need to talk to you for a second. You done with lunch?”

My stomach tumbled like a baby rolling down the hill. “Sure,” I said as I peeked at Jase. He didn’t look worried. Not that he should be worried. Cam wouldn’t hurt him too badly once he found out, especially since Jase had confided in me.

I said good-bye to Avery and followed Cam outside on my crutches. We didn’t go too far, stopping under one of the large maples that had turned dizzying shades of golds and reds. As Cam flipped his baseball hat around backward, I tugged my cardigan close. The chill in the air wasn’t too bad, but it had a decent bite to it.

“What’s up?” I asked, feeling like I was about to hurl up what little I’d eaten.

Cam smiled, but it faded as he took a deep breath. Unease unfurled in my belly as he looked at me. Oh God, it was about Jase and me. He knew. We should’ve told him. Granted, it only happened yesterday, but we should’ve—

“I’m proposing to Avery this weekend,” he blurted out.

“Wait.” I almost dropped my crutches. “What?”

“I’m proposing to Avery this weekend—on the boat. It’s just going to be her and me. Going to have the boat loaded with flowers and chocolate. The ring . . . isn’t too big. Only two carats.”

“Only two carats?”

“Yeah, and I’m going to put it on one of the roses.” The hollows of his cheeks flushed. “Anyway, I just wanted to let—”

I snapped out of it. Happiness bubbled up like champagne inside me. In my haste, I almost toppled over as I awkwardly maintained my grip on the crutches and got one arm around him. “Oh my God!” I squealed. “Cam, you’re going to get married!”

“Well, hopefully.” He hugged me back, and when he drew away, he was smiling broadly. “If she says yes.”

“Of course she’s going to say yes.” I was grinning so hard my face hurt. “Oh, I’m so happy for you two! She’s such a sweet girl and I love her and I love you!”

Cam laughed deeply and hugged me again. “She’s . . . she’s perfect.”

I nodded. “When are you doing it? Saturday?” When he nodded, I was exceptionally glad I hadn’t said anything to him about Jase. Not when he was about to do this. He needed to be completely focused on Avery and his plans. “Call me or text me when she says yes. You have to promise me.”

“I promise.”

I squealed again, earning a few strange looks from people passing on the sidewalk. I gave him one more epically awkward hug, and then I saw Jase exiting the double doors, carrying my bag.

“Here comes your little helper.” Cam smirked as he kissed my cheek. “I’m gonna get back to Avery.”

“Good luck, but you don’t need it.”

The usual cockiness was gone when he glanced back at me. “You really don’t think so?”

I blinked back tears—happy tears. “No. Not at all.”

“Thank you,” he replied. “Love ya, sis.”

“Love you.”

Watching Cam pass Jase and sock him in the arm, I took several deep breaths. My eyes were all watery, and there was a good chance I’d start hugging random people. Even the townies.
     



“So I’m thinking the big-ass grin on your face doesn’t mean that Cam questioned you about us.” Jase slung my bright pink bag over his shoulder. “Have I told you how much I like your smiles?”

My smile grew to epic proportions and I couldn’t contain it. “Cam’s proposing to Avery!”

“He’s done lost his damn mind.”

“What!” Holding on to my crutches, I smacked him on the chest. “He hasn’t lost his mind. He’s found it.”

Jase laughed. “I’m kidding. And I already knew.”

“What?” I shrieked and slapped his chest again. “What do you mean you already knew?”

“Ouch.” He rubbed the spot. “Does it disturb you that I’m kind of getting turned on right now?”

I shook my head. “Seriously?”

“Maybe?” he murmured, dipping his head and causing the ends sticking out from under the skullcap to sway. “I’m pretty erect right now to be honest.”

“Oh my God . . .” I rubbed my hand over my hot cheek. “Okay. Back to the proposal. When did he tell you?”

“About a month ago. Want to smack me again? You could try my ass. I’ll probably like that.”

I stared at him.

He chuckled. “I went with him to pick out the ring. I’m pretty sure the jeweler thought we were getting married.”

“You could’ve told me.” I huffed.

“Hey, he asked me to keep it a secret. He doesn’t want Avery to find out.” When I opened my mouth to argue, he folded his arms. “It’s like when I took you to the doc, Tess. You didn’t want him to know . . .”

I nodded. “You got me.”

“I know.”

Too happy over the recent development to be any bit irritated, I broke out in a huge grin. “I’m so thrilled for them. They really are perfect for each other. You know, like once-in-a-life kind of thing. I know you think that’s pretty stupid, but I believe it.”

“I don’t think it’s stupid at all. I know . . . exactly what you mean.” He unfolded his arms.

His words were laced with a heavy meaning, but my attention was snagged by something else. Since his hands had been mostly occupied during lunch, I hadn’t noticed them until then. The flesh around his knuckles was an angry red, the skin roughed up and swollen. I frowned as I took his hand carefully in one of mine. “What happened to your knuckles?”

He pulled his hand free, glancing down at them with a frown. “I don’t know. Must’ve scraped them on something at the farm.”

“You don’t know?”

Jase shook his head. “Let’s get your pretty butt to class. Come on, hopalong.”

Though a teasing grin had appeared, a dark look had crossed his face. I glanced at his knuckles again, and for some reason, I thought of Cam’s hands after he’d confronted Jeremy. I pushed that thought away because that was . . . that was too weird. Jase said he scraped them at the farm and that’s what had to have happened because there was no other reason to how it could have happened.

None whatsoever.