"Let's get to know your favorite bartenders then. To my right, most of you may remember Wild Thing Tenning. Football star for ESU and crazy freak in the sheets, according to the ladies, Ten likes long walks on the beach and slow, passionate kisses."
Ten's groupies squealed in approval as he lifted his hands to wave and wink. Then he turned his backside to them and twerked out his ass until feminine fingers were reaching up, trying to cop a feel.
Laughing, I shoved him in the shoulder until he straightened up and whirled back to face the front again where he blew more kisses at another screaming brood of women.
"And then we have my sexy self right here." I slid my free hand down my side to put on a provocative display. "But seriously? Who needs any more introduction than this hunka-hunka burnin' love?"
A trio of ladies right below me called my name and reached up their hands to pet my knees since they couldn't seem to get any higher.
Wanting to keep them in my corner but also get their paws off me, I clasped their fingers like some kind of rock star on a stage who was greeting his fans.
But my supporters got a little too enthusiastic and tried to pull me down off the bar and back onto the floor with them, yanking me forward until I was bent over double and my head was at their level.
"Ladies, ladies," I called in the microphone. Laughing nervously, I tried to calm them. "A little decorum, please." Next to me, Mason grabbed my arm to keep me from tumbling off the mock stage, but greedy feminine hands kept pawing at me. Someone caught hold of the baggy shirt I was wearing, and before I quite knew what was happening, the women had ripped it off over my head.
Gaping down at my torso, I found myself completely shirtless. I yanked away, straightening up, and lifted my hands. "Okay, enough of that now, you shameless things. Behave your naughty selves. You gotta actually win before you can sample the goods."
Next to me, Ten tugged off his own shirt, obviously feeling the need to compare chests. More ladies screeched their approval and urged both Mason and Quinn to take theirs off as well. But the two do-gooders refused to budge.
I cast a glance toward the end of the bar where I'd last seen Tinker Bell. Covering her mouth, she laughed so hard, tears trickled down her cheeks. I winked at her just as it hit me that I was shirtless. If she were close enough, she'd be able to read the names tattooed over my heart. But fortunately, she wasn't. To be on the safe side, I turned slightly away from her.
"Moving along to the modest members of the group." I hitched my thumb Mason's way. "We have Family Man Mason. But watch out ladies, he's about to be a daddy."
When I motioned to the very pregnant Eva, Mason spun to me, his glare beating the shit out of me.
"What the hell?"
"Relax," I told him out the side of my mouth as I dropped the mic to my side. "I'm trying to make you look less appealing so no one will want you."
He didn't exactly relax, or stop glaring, but he didn't pounce and try to physically pound me into the ground either. The women reached for him as well, but he stepped to the very back edge of the bar so they couldn't lay a finger on him.
"And last, but certainly not least, we have Hamilton . . . the virgin."
Ten hooted and hollered, laughing his ass off, while Quinn's mouth dropped open, his face turning a very bright, scarlet red.
"Oh, that was harsh," Mason said into my ear, shaking his head in disapproval.
Ignoring him, I asked the crowd, "Any ladies out there willing to deflower this delicate little petal and show him what having a woman's all about?"
When a hell of a lot more feminine voices than I was expecting catcalled, claiming they would gladly take him on, I cringed, hoping my plan to make him look less appealing hadn't backfired on me. But shit, who knew women actually preferred inexperienced men?
I checked on Eva again, wondering if she was as pissed at me as Lowe was by my unappealing introductions, but she was still smiling. She shook her head as if to scold me, but her smile clearly said she forgave me for using her pregnancy for Mason's benefit.
"So, let's get this party started, shall we? Is anyone willing to buy one of us as your very own personal bartender for the rest of evening?"
About fifty woman lifted their hands, cash clutched between their fingers. "Ten bucks," some shouted.
I heard fifty and twenty from a couple of other directions, but I didn't react until a hundred was tossed out among the melee.
Holy shit! A hundred bucks? This was going to be a good auction.
I pointed that way. "Did I hear a hundred? I think I just heard a hundred."
"One twenty," another girl called, rattling me by how easily it had gone over a hundred.