What the fuck is wrong with me?
Pull your shit together; you’ve got a job to do.
My guilty conscience doesn’t abate. I care about Declan, and I don’t want to hurt him, but I have to. I have to make him feel this to drive him to kill Bennett. I just wasn’t prepared to feel this way. When I notice his shivering hands, I open the door and walk over to him. He doesn’t move as I kneel down in front of him, bracing my hands on his knees.
“Declan.” My voice is soft as I speak to him. “It’s freezing out here. You’re going to make yourself sick.”
He lifts his head and moves his hands to my face. “I’m already sick. Seeing what he did to you was all it took.”
“Don’t let him ruin our time together,” I tell him and then stand up, taking his hands in mine. “Come inside with me.”
We go back in and head downstairs to his bedroom. Declan doesn’t speak as he walks into his closet to strip out of his cold, damp clothes and returns to me wearing nothing but long pajama bottoms. He lies down on the bed, slipping under the covers.
“Take your clothes off and come to me,” he says.
I stand in front of him as he watches me undress. The expression on his face is difficult to read as I drop my clothes to the floor. When I slip my panties off, I pull the sheets back and crawl in next to him.
We hold each other close, his body freezing against my warm skin.
“You feel so good,” he murmurs into my hair while his deft hands roam over my naked body.
The need to comfort him is strong, so I wrap myself around him to warm him up. When he shifts me on top of him, I lay my chest against his, skin against skin, and he’s instantly hard. Without thinking, our bodies begin to slowly move together, and I lift my head to kiss him. I want to take his pain away. The pain I inflicted. His soft lips feather against mine in light brushing kisses—sensual kisses—taking our time to simply feel each other.
He lifts my head with his hands, and I look down into the honesty of his green eyes. He doesn’t say anything—he doesn’t even need to—I can hear him clearly in the solitude of silence between us. He really does love me. I nod my head, letting him know that I know his thoughts, that I’m here with him.
The way he’s touching me right now and with the stillness of the room, it would be so easy for me to escape, but I don’t want to. I want to be here. Be in the moment—with him. I let myself drift to a place I’ve never been. Lost in Declan as he sits up and gently nips the bud of my nipple, hardening it to a peak before moving to the next to show the same loving attention. He savors me, and I like it.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers over my breasts.
Gripping fistfuls of his hair in my hands, I hold him close to me while he lifts his hips and shifts his pants down, and I don’t even want to wait. I rise up on my knees as he holds himself beneath me and descend down over heat of his rock hard cock. Our moans blend as he fills me completely, his arms banded around my waist, hugging me, his cheek to my breast.
Neither one of us moves for a while as we hold each other, and when he eventually loosens his arms, he lays back and looks up at me. “I want to watch you take me.”
Declan, giving up control and handing it over to me. So with his words, I slowly rise up along his cock, and when I feel the ridge of the tip slip out, I take my time and fall back down over him, sucking him inside of my warmth. It’s like my body just naturally craves him, needing him. I place my hands on his chest and continue to work the length of him while he watches me. He runs his hands up my thighs and over my stomach to my tits, handling me gently, caressing me.
I move my hands to his wrists and hold on to them as my eyes fall shut. I’ve never felt this with any other man. But it’s not just now in this moment, it’s every single time I’m with him. He always has a way of keeping me connected to him, never allowing my mind to drift, never allowing my body to go numb. I used to fight for that with him. But now? Now I don’t even try.
Declan begins to move his hips beneath me, our bodies so in sync. There’s a pressure in my chest, a foreign ache inside of me, and it begins to swell. My emotions swarm in confusion. Questions fill my head; each of them hitting the softest parts of me, parts I’m just now realizing exist within me.
Why doesn’t this feel dirty?
Why am I not trying to escape?
Why do I let him see the weak in me?
Why do I hurt?
Why am I suddenly doubting everything I thought I knew?
Why can’t I breathe?
And when my eyes open, I feel everything I never thought I was worthy of.
I love him.
A hard hit to my heart and I feel like I’m choking.