I don’t respond to his statement as we continue to hold each other, and after a while, he breaks the silence, saying, “Why do you hide yourself from me?”
“Does it look like I’m hiding from you?” I tease with a grin as I lie here naked.
With a straight face, he lays his hand over my heart and says, “You’re hiding this from me.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because I can see glimpses of it at times. Of whatever pain is inside. Do you ever let yourself feel that? The pain?”
“Why would anyone want to feel pain?” I whisper. “Showing that exposes vulnerability, and vulnerability is your soul’s weakness.”
“People are weak, Nina. It’s just fact.”
“I don’t want to be weak.”
“You’re only human,” he says. “You bleed like everyone else, but you hide it.”
“And what about you? You like to control nearly every facet of your life. You wouldn’t do that if you weren’t attempting to bury something.”
“You’re right,” he willingly admits. “I need control to deal with pain, but trust me when I tell you this, I feel that pain. I can temper it, but it’s always there.” And then he hits my one tender spot when he asks, “You miss your parents?” and everything inside of me runs towards my dad.
“Yeah,” I whisper on a pained breath as I feel my father’s presence ache inside of my chest. And when the tears prick and my nose tingles, I close my eyes.
Declan sees right through me though. “Open your eyes.”
But I don’t.
I keep them closed, saying with honesty, “You want me to show you my pain, but I don’t know how to do that,” and when I open my eyes, the tears spill out.
“You’re doing it right now.”
Pointing at my dampened cheeks, I state, “This is weakness.”
With his hands cradling my head, he contradicts my words, saying, “This . . . this is strength,” before licking the salt of my pain.
I hold on to his wrists as he rests his head against mine in this soft moment. I feel like I use Declan so much for this, for this comfort I’ve never really had before. He gives it in a way that’s different from Pike, and it feels good. Peaceful. I know my time is limited with Declan, so I might as well take what I can while I have him.
And in an unusual reaction for me, I reach down to the hem of his shirt and lift it up, peeling it away and dropping it to the floor. He takes my face in his large hands again and holds me still as he looks down at me, and I swear he can see inside of me.
I begin to unbutton his pants, and when he’s finally naked with me, he drops his head to my chest, grazing the stubble of his jaw lightly over my nipple. The friction is replaced with the smooth softness of his tongue. I feel it between my legs when he sucks the pert bud into his mouth as he continues to caress me with his tongue.
His touches are soft, not like his usual display of dominance over me, and in this moment, I need the softness. So as I nestle my fingers into his thick hair, I move his head to look up at me and breathe, “Don’t tie me up. Not this time.”
He’s never not restrained me or been forceful in his touch, so when he gives me a nod, I’m a bit surprised. This is the first time he’s allowed me to touch him during sex, and in this moment of uncharacteristic fragility, I let my hands wander along the deep cut lines of his muscular body as it hovers over mine. We move at a relaxed pace, his hand skimming over every curve of my body.
When he positions himself between my legs, he holds his cock in his hand and runs the head of it up through my folds to my clit and slowly back down, saying, “I’m gonna make your heart beat,” as he pushes himself inside of me, filling me entirely as my eyes fall shut.
He fucks me with slow, deepening strokes. There’s no friction, no tension. It’s just the two of us moving in this tender rhythm.
“Open your eyes. Connect with me.”
I do, and he never takes his focus away from me. He’s never felt so real as he does right now, in this very moment. The collusion on my part festers guilt inside of me, but it shouldn’t. I shouldn’t be this live wire that I am right now, gripping on to the broad knots of muscle that run along his arms. I shouldn’t be feeling the pleasure that he’s slowly building to fruition inside of me. I shouldn’t be allowing him to do this to me, allowing me to do this to myself. It’s too ripe, too much life.
I’m getting lost between reality and fantasy, and I need to pull pack. I didn’t think Declan would be able to drive me so high like he’s doing, moving as slowly as he is, so I close my eyes in a weak attempt to fight it away. To fight away the foreign emotions that are brewing inside.
You will not feel.
You will not feel.
You will not feel.
“Oh, God,” I moan without any filter of control.