BROKEN AND SCREWED(Broken_Part One)

CHAPTER NINETEEN

When we got back, Angie stayed with me. It was hard, it was really hard. Jesse and I were done. I knew it was true this time and the pain crippled me every day, but I heard Angie’s voice in my head. Every morning, she said to get up. ‘You get up every morning. You shower every morning. And you go through the motions. You do what you’re supposed to and someday it won’t hurt as bad.’ I had looked up at her and asked, ‘Do you promise?’
‘I promise. It’s better this way. I promise, Alex. I do. You just have to get up every morning.’
So that’s what I did.
At first I didn’t notice much. School seemed the same. Angie would tell me later that everyone knew about our fight with Marissa. She became best friends with Sarah Shastaine. When I heard that, I was dumbfounded. I thought that I would’ve noticed if Marissa had become best friends with Jesse’s ex-girlfriend, but I hadn’t. I’d been clueless. Angie told me that I walked through the hallways like a zombie. I was the living dead. And she also told me that Eric apologized to me about something in the first week. She didn’t know what he apologized about, but I had told her that he said he was sorry for something.
I shrugged at that information. I didn’t remember. I didn’t remember anything anymore.
Christmas passed. New Years passed. Easter passed.
I didn’t remember any of it, but I did what Angie said. I got up, showered, and I did what I was supposed to do. I studied and I did it hard. My grades shot up. My test scores went with them and when the school counselor called me to her office to offer her congratulations, it took me five minutes before I comprehended what she was saying.
I’d been awarded a full scholarship to Grant West University for my academics. I was the second student to receive a full scholarship and the third to receive a scholarship in general from there. I already knew the other two, Jesse and Cord. I was the third, but I knew Jesse had received a full scholarship, so that meant Cord hadn’t. He’d gotten something, but not a full scholarship. I’d forgotten that I had applied the year before, before I knew Jesse was going there.
Huh.
I should’ve cared, but I didn’t. I left the office that day, but I never saw the odd expression on her face or how she reached for her phone afterwards. It wouldn’t be until later that I would find out that she had called my parents. Of course, there’d been no word. They were still gone. Where they went, I had no idea. What they were doing, I had no idea, but I knew my father traveled for his job. I guessed that’s what they’d been doing, traveling for his job. I would never find out that they had gotten an apartment in the city closer to his office and that they were living there. They’d left me the house, but never told me. They never cared to.
I was 18; I had been for a year now. They didn’t have to tell me a thing anymore.
It was the end of April when Angie asked me a question that I had never considered before.
“Who are you going to prom with?”
My head jerked up. “What?”
Then she slammed her locker and raised her eyebrows.
“Huh?”
“Prom. You. Me. It’s in two weeks. Who’s taking you?”
“No one.” I blinked rapidly, for some reason dumbfounded again. Prom? I’d only been thinking about graduation, well, not really. I still hadn’t told Angie about my Grant West scholarship. I’d been holding that in for two weeks, waiting for the right time. It never happened. I never wanted to risk Angie’s wrath again.
“No one? Are you kidding me? I thought Michael Helmsworth was drooling all over you at the party last weekend.”
Oh. That’s right. I’d forgotten about the party.
Angie snorted as she slung her purse over her shoulder, along with her book bag. “What? Did you forget?”
I had. “No.”
She stared at me with narrowed eyes. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
Then her hand went to her hip. My eyes widened. I knew what that meant.
“Alex.” Her voice dropped to the no-nonsense tone. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“I forgot about Mike. Really.” I scratched the back of my head. “But I thought it was Carl, his brother.”
“Oh, yeah.” The hand fell away.
Thank god.
And we were walking again, towards the parking lot. “So, who are you thinking?”
“For what?”
“For prom.” Angie threw her hands up. “I swear that I’m having a conversation with myself here. Are you here? Are you actually Alex? Or did we leave you somewhere I don’t remember?”
“Yeah, Las Vegas,” I muttered before I realized what I said. Then my hand clamped over my mouth and I stopped in my tracks. I had not said that. I really hadn’t.
But Angie grew quiet and looked away.
I had said it.
When she turned back, I wasn’t expecting the tremor in her voice as she rasped out, “I’m sorry, okay? I thought it was for the best if you and he stopped doing whatever it was that you were doing. I didn’t expect for you to be like a zombie again.”
A baseball formed in my throat and I swallowed it away. It was painful as it slipped down, but I mustered up a tentative smile. “It’s okay, Ang. I was going to end it with him anyway. I just did it ten hours earlier than I had planned. That’s it.”
“Really?”
I touched her hand and she held onto it tightly. “Really.”
She let out a deep breath of air. “Thank god. You don’t know how guilty I’ve felt since that trip, not to mention Marissa.” She sneered as we went past the name-we-rarely-used’s locker. And she was there. She straightened with a book in hand and glared back, but her eyes flickered as they rested on me for a second. Sarah Shastaine cleared her throat behind her and the name-we-rarely-used turned her back to us.
That was the most interaction we’d had with her since Thanksgiving break.
“Ugh,” Angie growled. “She drives me crazy.”
“Yeah, that happens when people suddenly drop out of your life with no explanation.” There was heat to my words and I was surprised at myself. Where had that come from?
“What’d you say?”
“Nothing.”
“Oh. Okay. Well…” We approached the parking lot now and she paused by the door. “If no one’s asked you, then I think you should ask someone. What about Eric?”
My stomach dropped. “Like hell.” He already had chewed me out once. I wasn’t giving him another reason to do it again. Eric and I were better left forgotten, like everything else in my life.
“Okay.” She grinned. “But he asked Justin about you at baseball practice. He wanted to know if you were still with Jesse.”
“Really?”
She nodded and then pushed through the door. The sun was blinding, but the air immediately rushed at us. The air conditioning inside was cool, but I warmed up as soon as we took another step outside. “So I think you should go to his party with us tonight. Talk to him there.”
“Talk to Eric?”
“Yeah. He and Brianna broke up. Can you believe he dated that cheerleader?” She snorted. “Although, I think he did it to piss off Marissa since they’re on the same squad together.”
“Good,” I murmured. I meant it.
“Yeah…” Angie’s eyes had taken on a thoughtful look to them. She was biting her lip.            
I readied myself. She had something on her mind and she was going to say it. I knew the signs like the back of my hand by now.
“So.”
Here we go.
“What happened to your parents, Alex?”
Dread filled me, but I forced my tone to be casual. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…” She looked around and inched closer. Her voice dropped low. “The counselor called me into her office today. She said she’d been trying to reach your parents, but she can never get a hold of them.”
“What’d you say?”
“Nothing. I mean, I don’t know anything. I know they went on that trip, but to be honest, I haven’t seen them since. That’s weird, Alex. Really, really weird. Are your parents around? Please tell me they’re around.”
“My dad travels for his job. You know that.”
“Yeah, but he wasn’t gone all the time. He was gone some of the time and your mom was always around. How is your mom? No one knows about what happened to her. I only knew because my cousin told me and it was her friend who mentioned it to her. She knew I was close with you, but please tell me that I’m exaggerating. I come over twice a week and you’re always alone.”
I jerked a stiff shoulder up. What lie would sound normal here? And then I was disgusted at myself. “Just leave it alone, Ang. Okay? I don’t want to talk about my parents right now.”
“But—”
“I mean it,” I interrupted her. I shouldn’t have to cover for my parents or lie that they hadn’t ditched me. That wasn’t my lie to tell, that was theirs and I had some pride not to cover for them. So what if they abandoned me? It was for the best. It had to be for the best.
“Okay.” She held her hands up in surrender. “I won’t bring ‘em up again. Promise.”
“Good.” That’s what I wanted, but why didn’t I feel good about it?
“You work tonight, right?”
I nodded.
“When do you get done?”
“I close with Ben at 9:00 tonight.”
She chewed at her lip. She was thinking again.
I sighed, “What is it?”
“I’ll come over at 9:30? Will you be ready by then?”
“What about Justin?”
“He’s got the baseball game. Some of the guys want to start as soon as they’re done, so I figure I’ll be driving tonight anyway. I’d rather take my car.”
“Or I could pick you up and you can drive his car home? You don’t have to worry about both of your cars.”
“Yeah.” She bobbed her head in an easy agreement. “That sounds like a plan. See you at 9:30. Maybe bring Ben?”
Both of us laughed at that idea. If I knew my co-worker he’d be bouncing up and down at the idea of going with us. He proved me right when I asked him at the end of our shift. He was clapping, giggling, and planning his outfit at the same time.
We got to Angie’s late because Ben made me pick him up from his house first. He wanted to ‘bond’ with the girls and he wanted a ride home that night. When Angie got in the car, his clapping and giggling happened again. He wiggled his eyebrows in the air and announced how excited he was to get drunk that night. He was hoping for a little titty twister from his ‘lush babies’. Angie and I never asked who he meant, but I had a good suspicion that I’d find out by the end of the night.
When we got to Eric’s house, I was surprised at how long it had been since my last time there. His home was a white, two-story, ranch-style home. The front patio wrapped around the house and I saw that the rooms were as big as I remembered.
Someone ran into Angie, who glared. “Excuse you.”
The person flipped her black hair over her shoulder and revealed her face. I didn’t need to see who it was. I already knew it was Marissa. Only she could wear a brown tank top with black cropped pants and look hot in it.
She’d been laughing, but that vanished immediately. Her eyes went dead and she straightened. “Excuse you.”
“No.” Angie blocked her as she started to go around. “Excuse you, bitch.”
Marissa drew back. Her jaw stiffened, her mouth flattened, and she tightened her grip on her cup. When she started to move her arm back, I hurried and got between them. I knew Marissa’s signs too; she’d been about to throw her beer on Angie. That would not have been good.
“Hi, Marissa,” I rushed out with a fake smile. “How are you?”
She paused, confused, but her arm went back to normal.
“Oh. Hey, Alex.” She was wary now, but she sipped from her cup.
I relaxed and shooed Angie away before I turned back to her. “So are you dating anyone?”
Her eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”
I could hear Angie and Ben bickering behind me, but then Angie huffed out, “Fine!” She stormed off. Ben gave me a small smile before he bounded after her.
“Look.” I dropped the fa?ade. “I didn’t want you and Angie to have another round.”
Her smile was bitter now. “Oh, you mean like that last eight times since Las Vegas.”
“Eight?”
Marissa snorted. “Where’ve you been, Alex? It’s a normal thing for her and me to get into it. It wouldn’t be a party if Angie and I weren’t screaming at each other. There was hair pulling at the last one.”
“Really?”
She rolled her eyes. “I thought you were getting better. What happened to you? You slipped back into the land of the dead. Are you able to graduate? Did you get all your studies done?”
“I got a full scholarship to Grant West.”
It took a second before I realized what I said. Then I gasped and my mouth dropped open. I couldn’t believe that had slipped out. I hadn’t told anyone, well, I hadn’t told Angie yet.
Marissa’s eyes bulged out and she was quiet for a second. Then she whispered, “Holy shit, Alex. Really?”
I nodded, still in shock.
“Wow, that’s, wow. That’s great. Congratulations.”
I nodded again. Everything started reeling around me.
“So, you’ll be with Jesse then? Like, for real? You guys can be a couple.”
Everything fell flat again. I shrugged as I responded in a monotone, “We ended things in Las Vegas.”
“What?” she squeaked. Her hand clamped onto my arm. “Are you serious? The two of you are done?”
“Have been for awhile,” I said through gritted teeth. “You and Cord?”
“Oh.” She waved a dismissing hand in the air. “He’s been back twice. We hook up, but that’s it. I’m not stupid. Cord’s like Jesse, they’re not relationship guys. He’s told me about all the girls at their college. They have groupies there. Can you believe that?”
I nodded. I really could.
“Yeah, I guess you’d know, huh?” She sipped her beer and gave me a shy smile. “I got into Kellan College.”
“Oh. Congratulations.”
Her eyes sparkled. “Yeah, me and Sarah. We’re going to be roommates.”
“Oh.” Pain speared through me. She had replaced Angie and me so quickly. “That’s good for you then.”
She nodded, biting her lip now.
“Isn’t it?”
All the happiness, all the excitement left her. Sadness flooded her next and she heaved a deep sigh. “Are you okay, Alex?” She edged closer to me and gripped her cup tighter. “I know things didn’t go right between me and Angie, but I never stopped caring about you as a friend. I know Angie’s your best friend. She’s always been closer to you than me, but I’m just worried. Are you okay?”
Oh no. We’d taken a nosedive into the emotional and not-things-I-talked-about. I shook my head and started to back away.
“Alex.” She hurried after me.
“No, stop.” My insides twisted around each other. I needed to get away from her. I couldn’t hear anything more from her. She’d left me. I couldn’t handle taking her back.
“Alex.”
“Stop.” I turned and darted through the crowd. Angie and Ben were in the kitchen. I knew they’d be getting drinks, so I turned down a far hallway and ran into someone. A hard chest hit me and I stumbled back, but before I hit the wall, an arm snaked around my waist holding me in place.
“Hey, Alex.” Eric set me on my feet and bent so he was eye level with me. He gentled his voice. “You okay? You look upset.”
“Everyone is so damn worried about me,” I snapped out.
He straightened abruptly. His blonde hair was gelled at the tips; it gave him a wet/bedroom look. It seemed to make his blue eyes all the more smoldering and I could see why so many girls fancied him. With a loose white tee shirt over ripped jeans, Eric could’ve been a model.
And holy hell. When did I start noticing him in that way?
I cursed under my breath before I squared my shoulders back. “I’m sorry, Eric.”
“Hey, no problem.” He lifted his cup in front of him and raised his eyebrows. “I’m just here, drinking, hanging out at my place. Have you been here before? Wait, you must’ve.”
“Your seventh grade birthday party.”
His cheeks reddened and he made a point to drink from his cup. Then he coughed. “Yeah, that’s not embarrassing. We did our ‘seven minutes in heaven’ thing, didn’t we?”
I couldn’t stop a chuckle at that memory. We had been shoved inside, but it’d been the longest and shortest seven minutes of heaven in my life. “You kissed me on the cheek.”
“I did?” A wide smile appeared. “I was aiming for your lips. I was trying to be aloof and mysterious. Did it work?”
I shrugged, but my stomach fluttered as I remembered the feel of his cool lips. I’d been so excited. I had pulled Angie into the closest bathroom and squealed about my first kiss on the cheek. “I had a crush on you back then.”
His eyebrows shot up again. “You did?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I did. You were a big deal.”
Then he chuckled as he had more of his beer. “I can’t imagine I was that big of a deal.”
“You were the most popular guy in our grade.” Still was.
“Yeah.” He quieted, gave me an awkward look, and reached up to scratch the back of his head. “Maybe. No one could compete with your brother and Jesse.”
“They were a grade older.”
“I know, but I knew that all the girls liked those two. You included.”
A rush of heat went to my cheeks and I knew I was blushing too. Then I admitted, “I had the biggest crush on Jesse, all my life.”
“Yeah, you guys were close.” He frowned. “Didn’t he live with you guys at one point?”
I nodded. “Yeah, from eighth grade to the end of his junior year. His mom died and he moved in. His dad was always away.”
“I remember seeing him at your place all the time.”
My eyebrows lifted.
He hung his head slightly. He confessed, “Justin, me, and Troy rode our bikes past your house all the time. Troy and me had big crushes on you. Justin always wanted to see if Angie was over at your place.”
Warmth flared inside of me again. It was the good kind; it’d been too long since I remembered my past like this. It felt right. “Yeah, that’s right. Those two were always fighting and picking on each other.”
“Now look at them.”
“Yeah, I know. The first couple to get married, I bet.”
“Yeah,” he laughed. “Probably.” And then the mood shifted.
I grew tense, but the ends of his mouth dipped down. He looked tired all the sudden and he let out a breath of air. “Have you been okay, Alex? I know it might not be my place, you know, since the last time we really talked I ripped into you, but I still care about you. Are you okay?”
I held my breath and nodded. My throat had gone dry and there were butterflies in my stomach. I hadn’t felt like this since, well, since Jesse. Then I gulped again. My throat was so dry. I needed something to drink. I grabbed his cup from him and finished the rest of it. Then I shoved it back into his hand. He hadn’t moved.
“Oookay.”
I flushed. “I was thirsty.”
“Oh. Well, stay here. I’ll get some more beer for us.”
Panic took over and I grabbed his arm when he started to go. “Don’t leave.” I stopped, surprised at the fear in my voice. My hand fell away, but I couldn’t keep quiet. “Don’t leave. You’ll go. Someone else will come. I’ll feel weird. This is nice, right now. You and me. This is nice.”
“Okay.” He said it gently as he touched the back of my elbow. “We can go to my parents’ back patio and talk. No one should be out there. I’ll have someone get us something to drink. Actually, I think my dad has a liquor cabinet in his closet.” He gave me a sheepish look. “We’re not supposed to know about it since they don’t want us to drink, but we always did.”
“Of course.” I relaxed then and my knees were weak from the relief.
“Okay. Through here.” He guided me into a back master bedroom. “Hold on.”
I waited in the darkness as he moved away. Clothes hangers were pushed aside, he cursed, and then there was a loud thud on the floor.
“Eric?”
“I’m okay,” his voice came out muffled. “My mom’s got so many damn clothes. I can’t find the light switch in this stupid closet. Oh, here it is.”
Light flooded the room then and I blinked from the sudden brightness. But then as my eyes adjusted, I saw a king-sized bed with cream bedcovers. There was a desk area with a coach behind it and three shelves from floor to ceiling filled with books. A bathroom was in the corner and I could see marble on the counter top. The floor was made of cream mosaic tiles. When Eric emerged from another doorway, he lifted his hands as he wiggled his eyebrows. He had two bottles of Boones Farm.
“Huh? This is the good stuff.”
I burst out laughing.
“Or I could mix us some drinks. My dad’s got everything back here.”
I struggled to stop laughing as I asked, “Why does your dad have a liquor cabinet in the closet?”
“Oh.” His grin turned into a fond one and he shrugged. “My folks don’t drink, but my dad likes to have one every now and then. My mom would only allow it back here. She’s pretty strict with her religion. Sounds stupid, I guess, but that’s my folks. Sometimes I think this is their little haven away from us kids.”
“Yeah, it could be a little studio apartment.”
He gestured towards the desk area where a laptop was placed and a flat screen television was hanging on the wall behind it. “She likes to do her work over there. Dad will kick his feet up and watch television some nights when he wants to be around here.”
“Your parents sound like they have a good marriage.”
“They do.” Then he nodded towards a back door. As he held it open and I slipped past him, he added, “I think they designed their room like this on purpose. All of us kids get free reign of the house then, on most nights.”
“You have two little sisters?” I frowned as we sat on padded lounge chairs. I should’ve known how many siblings he had. I’d grown up with him.
Eric placed the two bottles on the glass table in front of us and stood back up. “Yeah, two little dorks and I have two more brothers. Isaiah is two years younger than me and Noah is four. I think he was an ‘oops,’ but he’s so darn cute. No one can resist him. He’s going to get the ladies when he’s older.”
I shot forward when he reached for the door again. “Where are you going?”
“I’m going to mix us a few drinks. These things were a joke, but feel free to open one up if you’d like. Be right back.”
When he came back, he slid a glass towards me and I took it for a sniff. I couldn’t get a whiff of any liquor so I took a sip of it. It was mostly soda, but he had put a small amount of alcohol in there. “Thanks.”
And I felt grateful to him for another reason, a deeper reason, but one that I couldn’t explain. The ball of tension that was always in my stomach unraveled a little bit. It loosened up, and as it did, the rest of me started to relax more and more. Before I took another sip, I knew I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else at that moment. This was just fine with me.
He tried to look casual, but I saw the delight on his face. He lounged back, kicked up his feet on the table, and threw an arm on the back of my chair. He raised his glass to me in a salute. “Here’s to us being friends again.”
“I’ll cheer to that.”
As our glasses clinked and our gazes locked, a tingle went through me. It’d been a long time since I had felt one of those, since my Thanksgiving break.