NOAH AND I WERE given a guest bedroom at the side of the house. Shortly after the ghost story, Bridget told Seamus to let us get some rest. The room was small and only had a tiny single bed and a sofa bed, but it was perfect. I wasn’t sure if either of them had ever been used before. They really didn’t have many visitors and no family, which was sad because they obviously wanted the company, and they were so lovely.
I sat on the bed while Noah paced the room, my mind half on Evelyn and half on what the plan for morning was. Noah had acted relaxed when we were in the living room with them, but I could tell he was listening for every outside noise.
He’d scanned the room, checking out the windows and positions of the doors. Although he told me he didn’t think they’d come knocking, his actions showed me he wasn’t so sure.
“Are you okay?” I asked. I’d never seen anyone look so stressed before. I knew he felt responsible for what happened and for getting me away, but what happened wasn’t all down to him.
“Fine,” he said, not paying any attention to me at all.
“We’re in this together now, Noah. You can tell me your thoughts and fears. Maybe I can help.”
He stopped his pacing to look at me. “I think my fears are obvious, Scarlett. And I don’t want you to worry.”
“What are you doing?”
“Thinking,” he replied. “Trying to work out where we are and which way we should go.”
“Maybe you should sit down for a while?”
“Can’t,” he said and started the pacing again. “I’m sorry about before.”
“What about before?” He was talking about Evelyn. Raising his eyebrow, he cocked his head as if to say don’t act stupid. “It hurts to think about what happened to her.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. She was only with us a day when your commune joined mine in Ireland after the fire. Evelyn ran into the forest.”
“No one went after her?” He licked his lips and closed his eyes. There’s more to this.
“Noah!” I hissed, feeling my body go cold.
What isn’t he telling me?
“Donald and Fiona let her go. She wasn’t supposed to make it out. Evelyn was a trade. Let her go and the nature would find a way to bring you back. One sister for another.”
I was falling into a deep, dark pit of despair. It kept getting worse. Every new thing I learned made less sense than the last. Oh, my God. No.
“Evelyn was born as insurance, just like a second child to a royal couple, or so we were told. She was loved in the way you are, but she wasn’t worshipped. There was always a risk that something could happen to you. No one is immune to death or disease. That’s why you’re so close in age; there’s barely eleven months between you. You were born to save us all; she was born to trade her life for yours should anything happen to you first.”
I wanted to reject what he’d told me, but why would he lie about that?
“I’m sorry,” he said when he saw the tears in my eyes. I hated them so much. They let her go to die cold, hungry and alone in the woods. She was only three. Still a baby.
“They’re evil,” I spat. “Why didn’t you do anything?”
“I was a child, and I was told she was going to bring you back to save us all. I didn’t understand.” He sighed and lowered his eyes. “I didn’t really understand anything until I fell for you.”
I couldn’t blame him, it was wrong to, but it was so hard to believe he sat by while that happened, even if he was just a child himself. “I know,” I said, not wanting to make him feel worse about something that had been out of his control. He was a victim of Eternal Light, too.
“I really am, though, Scarlett. I wish I’d been strong enough to see what they were doing this whole time.”
“You couldn’t. We believe what we’ve been taught, right? Especially by the people we trust the most.”
He turned quiet again like he’d slipped into his own world.
“Do you think we should split up?” I asked.
“Are you…” he trailed off, looking at me like I’d said the most stupid thing in the world. I knew it wasn’t the best idea, but I was worried about him. I didn’t trust any of them, and I knew they took loyalty very seriously. What Noah had done was unheard of. He knew the woods and the cult better than me, so he had a better chance. “We’re not even talking about that.”
“I’m worried about you. Betraying them wasn’t easy, was it?”
“When I finish talking, we’ll pretend this conversation never happened and perhaps you’ll finally believe how much I would sacrifice for you and stop asking such stupid questions.” He’d turned deadly serious, posture stiffening, jaw hardening. “You above everything. In the end, turning my back on the people that were going to drive a knife through your heart was almost as easy as falling in love with you.”
He turned away again, and that was the abrupt end of that conversation. He made my heart swell, made me want to be with him again. I didn’t know how we could be, but it hurt to think that we could never have a chance to be together. If we got away, maybe we could.
We’d both been through something horrific and made mistakes. In the end, all that mattered was Noah saving my life