Awake

“Get off,” she yelled, thrashing in their grip. “Noah! Get them off. Let me go. Get off! Get off!”


I couldn’t stand there and watch her like that. I took off, going back to my house, leaving her to be carried into Donald and Fiona’s kicking and screaming. I hated myself and had never felt lower.

Flopping down on my bed, I growled into the pillow, pulling my hair. Everything felt hopeless now. What was I going to do when Scarlett wasn’t walking around on this planet anymore? Her happiness was my happiness.

It took me ten minutes to compose myself. I knew I didn’t have long, I was supposed to be over the moon about her being back. When I stepped outside the house having changed I was greeted like a king. Friends came up and hugged me. My community thanked me and told me how incredible I was for pulling it off and getting her home.

I had a hero’s welcome. I didn’t feel like a hero.

I was the devil.

Scarlett had struggled, but Donald and Fiona managed to get her in their house. I knew they would be taking her inside straight away to prevent her running so they could explain, but I didn’t like being separated. As much as she hated me right now, I was one of the only people she knew here.

“Noah, well done. Didn’t I tell you that you’re the best man for the job!” Zeke said, slapping me on the shoulder. Zeke was a year older than me, and it was either me or him going to England to get Scarlett. I was closest to Scarlett’s age, though, and Zeke did look older than he was. I had a better chance at blending in with fifteen and sixteen-year-olds.

Smiling, I nodded and replied, “You did. Least she’s here now.” I half wished it was him that did it so I wouldn’t have to carry around as much guilt as I was. She deserved better than how I’d treated her.

“I know you were nervous, but I never had any doubt. This is it, Noah, this is what we have been waiting for.”

He was absolutely correct; this was everything we’d worked for, everything we believed. But it didn’t feel right anymore.

“I know. Hard to believe it’s finally happening after years and years of planning.”

I remembered it all. The planning and discussions. When was the best time to get her? Some thought right away, but Donald and Fiona wanted her to understand what was going on. But we couldn’t leave it another four years for the next cycle to be complete. It was easier to get her away from her parents but if we’d have waited until she was twenty she could’ve had a boyfriend.

Logically I knew I wasn’t her boyfriend anymore, she hadn’t said anything but I knew the second she found out, she’d ended our relationship, but I still felt like it. The whole thing was only supposed to be for show, but I couldn’t fool myself. It was much, much more than that.

Ironic how she started out being the only one really into us and now that was me.

“You alright?” he asked. “You don’t look very pleased.”

I wasn’t rejoicing like they were; that’s what he was questioning. I couldn’t let anyone know I was having doubts. Well, I could, everyone would be there for me and help me through it but I didn’t feel like Eternal Light lessons right now.

“Yes, I’m fine. Sorry, it’s just been a very long day. I’ve missed home and honestly, lying to so many people, even strangers, didn’t feel great.”

We’d been taught the value of honesty. No one told lies here, but I’d been telling huge ones for months.

He winced. “Sorry. I should have thought. It couldn’t have been easy being away. And everything else you had to do. You weren’t lying for selfish reasons, though, Noah, you were doing good.”

“I was. It feels good to have her here, be home and not have to lie anymore.” So why was I still lying?

“Do you want to grab a drink? My dad made another batch of pear cider yesterday, and it’s his best yet.”

No, I wanted to go and check on Scarlett but I knew I couldn’t do that yet. I smiled, making it as genuine as I could. “You have no idea how good that sounds. The mass produced stuff is nothing like Kian’s.”

“I’ll bet.”

Kian and his wife, Marley, were over on their porch handing out the cider. Zeke strolled up and grabbed two that his mum handed him.

“We’re so proud of you, Noah,” Marley said. Her sentiments were echoed again by everyone that was around us.

“Thank you,” I replied, taking a sip. “Do you know when my mum and Finn will arrive?”

“We spoke to them about half an hour ago and their ferry had just arrived. They’re going a different route, though, to make it look like they’re headed for Shannon airport.”

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