At Peace

“Yeah, he got anything else in him?”


“Nope, pure bred,” Keira replied proudly and Gary looked back at me.

“That’s luck, Vi, finding a pure bred puppy at the pound,” he commented, knowing I didn’t have the money to buy a pedigree dog.

“We didn’t get him at the pound. Keira’s friend’s dog had a litter. She fell in love with them so Joe bought him for her,” I blurted, not thinking, too freaked out by the morning to watch my words.

“What?” Kate and Keira asked in unison.

“Shit,” Joe muttered as my body tensed and I looked at my girls.

“Um…” I started.

“Joe bought him?” Keira asked and the look on her face was a look I’d never seen before on my daughter. She had a great number of expressions. Her face always spoke volumes most of which I was fluent in. This one I was not.

“Um…” I repeated trying to read her expression and Keira looked at Joe.

“You bought him?” she whispered.

“Vi,” Joe murmured on a prompt, clearly not wishing to wade in this time.

I made a split second decision and it was the same decision I almost always made with my girls. Complete honesty.

“I, honey… I didn’t have the money. I knew you wanted him really badly but I couldn’t afford him. I told Joe and he thought you should have a puppy so he gave me the money so you could get Mooch,” I admitted, wishing this wasn’t playing out there, in the living room with Tim’s folks and Joe’s folks looking on. In fact, wishing it wasn’t playing out at all.

Keira and Kate were both staring at Joe.

Then suddenly Keira surged up and I jumped at her movement then froze, wondering what she was going to do. Mooch yapped and ran away and I watched in stunned silence as Keira threw herself full body at Joe. She ended with her knees to the floor, her body between his legs, her torso in Joe’s lap, her face in his chest, her arms wrapped around him and, before I could open my mouth or even move, she burst into tears.

“I knew you were always lookin’ out for us,” she cried into his chest, “I knew it!”

That lump hit my throat again but it was so big this time, it choked me.

Joe’s hand dropped to Keira’s hair and he bent forward. “Baby, hey,” he whispered.

“I knew it!” she sobbed into his stomach.

What I knew was this wasn’t about Joe and the dog. This was about my sweet, crazy, strong, beautiful daughter losing her Dad and losing her uncle and living in a world that was uncertain, being afraid of that world and needing something to hold onto. They’d been strong a long time, both my girls had. And I was proud of them. But even the strongest person in the world needed something to hold onto.

And the man who bought you the dog you always wanted was the perfect choice.

Further, my daughters’ sudden connection with Aunt Theresa and Uncle Vinnie wasn’t weird. It was them grasping onto any family they could get as the bedrock of their own kept shifting. It was just pure luck that Joe provided such excellent additions.

When Keira kept sobbing into Joe’s chest, I blinked away my tears as Joe twisted and handed me his coffee mug then he put his hands in her pits and hauled her up into his lap.

“Keirry, honey, what’s this?” Joe whispered into her ear when he had her in his arms and she’d burrowed in closer. He, too, knew it wasn’t about the dog.

She yanked her head out of his neck, looked at him and demanded in a fierce tone, “Don’t ever go away, Joe.”

At my daughter’s words, I felt my breath choke me so hard I heard it too and that choking sound wasn’t just coming from me.

“I’m not goin’ anywhere, honey,” Joe replied gently.

“Promise!”

I hiccoughed with my effort to swallow back my tears and heard Kate’s small whimper in an effort to do the same.

“I promise,” Joe said, his tone just as fierce then he put an arm behind her knees and he straightened from the chair, Keira held to his chest.

I straightened too, murmuring, “Joe.”

“I got this, buddy.”

“Joe –”

“Got it,” Joe repeated and walked from the room down the hall.

I stood there, staring down the hall. Then I turned and stared at our group, seeing Bea and Theresa flat out crying. Gary and Vinnie were both looking at their laps. Vinnie had his arm around Theresa.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, my voice sounding suffocated. Kate’s arm wrapped around my leg and she pressed in tight.

Bea got up and walked to me. Taking the mugs out of my hands, she said gently, “Nothing to be sorry for, Violet,” she gestured to a chair, “sit down, honey.”

I didn’t sit down. Instead, I bent down and pulled Kate up to her feet.

Then I told everyone, “Please, I’m sorry, we need a minute.”

“Anything you need,” Bea replied instantly.

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