At Peace

An hour later, after the kids had unpacked, played with Mooch in the yard and we ate a lunch of sandwiches and chips, Joe took Dane to Fulsham’s Custard stand to buy a tub of custard.

I sat the girls down at the stools by the bar telling them we had to talk. They didn’t say anything, just gave each other looks and went to their stools. They were on the dining area side. I stood in the kitchen at the counter opposite them trying not to hyperventilate.

For the last hour my head had gone over a million ways to open this conversation and then decided all of them were lame.

Therefore I stood there looking between them not having that first clue what to say and, unfortunately, trying to think of what to say I stayed silent a long time.

Kate spoke first. “We get it, Mawdy, you’re with Joe.”

I stared at her.

“Yeah, no duh,” Keira put in.

“So,” I forced out, “you… this doesn’t come as a surprise?”

Kate grinned and informed me, “Dane said a man doesn’t fix a garage door opener unless he’s fixin’ to use that garage.”

I felt my lips part. Even Dane had cottoned onto the situation way before me.

“And he came to the mall with us. Guys like Joe don’t go to malls,” Keira added, sounding wise beyond her years.

“You’re not upset?” I asked and Kate shook her head, still grinning so my eyes went to Keira and she was watching me.

“Who was the chick?” she asked.

“The chick?” I asked back.

“Yeah, that lady he was with before you went all…” she trailed off and then finished, “you know.”

I knew. She was talking about Nadia.

Shit.

“She was… a friend of Joe’s,” I answered.

“She his friend now?” Keira asked.

“No,” I replied instantly.

Keira kept watching me then went on. “So, we’re his only friends now?”

I stared at my daughter and realized she thought we were a unit which we were. Joe took us all or Joe didn’t get us.

“Yeah, honey, we’re Joe’s only friends now,” I said quietly.

“What about Mike?” Keira asked.

I drew in a breath and paused before letting it out and saying, “Mike and I –”

“You’re better with Joe,” Keira cut in before I could finish.

“What?” I asked.

“Mike’s awesome, and he’s hot, but I like the way you are around Joe,” Keira told me.

“Me too,” Kate put in.

“And I like the way Joe is around you,” Keira went on.

“Me too,” Kate repeated and my eyes were going back and forth between my girls as they spoke.

“Mike was way cool and we liked him with you too, but he wasn’t the same,” Keira noted.

“He’s a wonderful man,” I said to her.

“Yeah, but he didn’t fix our garage door opener,” Kate remarked.

“And you don’t look at him like you look at Joe,” Keira stated.

“How do I…” I paused to swallow, not sure I wanted to know not only how I looked at Joe but the way my girls noticed I’d looked at Joe then asked, “look at Joe?”

Keira shrugged.

Kate answered, her eyes on me were intense, “Like you looked at Dad.”

I closed my eyes. Joe was right, the girls knew. They so knew. They knew even more than I knew or at least had admitted to myself.

With my eyes still closed, Kate went on. “And he looks at you like Dad used to.”

Sock in the gut. Winded.

I got my breath back, opened my eyes and told them, “Joe’s stayin’ a couple of months while his house is getting renovated.”

“We know,” Kate replied.

“No, baby, I mean… he’s staying,” I repeated, not sure how to explain it to my teenage girls, worried I shouldn’t, worried, again, if I was doing the right thing and hoping like hell it worked out with Joe because firstly, I wanted it to work out with Joe so badly I tasted it in my mouth and secondly, because I never wanted to have this conversation with my daughters again.

“Yeah, Mawdy, we know. Yeesh, it’s the twenty-first century,” Kate said to me.

“And it’s been, like, months,” Keira added, like I was slow off the mark and it was about time I speeded things up.

“Jenelle’s Mom moved her new boyfriend in in like, I don’t know, a week,” Kate went on and I knew this was true but Jenelle’s Mom was definitely a slut. She made me look like a choirgirl. We’d lived there not a year and Kate’s friend Jennelle’s Mom had moved two boyfriends in with her and her kids and moved both of them out and was working on the third.

But I didn’t want them to think that this was like Jenelle’s Mom or I was like Jenelle’s Mom so I tried to explain.

“Joe and I… I don’t want you to think…” Damn, this was hard, then my voice got soft, I looked between them and I said, “He isn’t just a guy. It isn’t just because I’m lonely after losin’ your Dad. It’s because he’s… Joe and he… means a lot to me and you girls mean…” I paused then told them the truth as it hit me right then, settled in and made me smile a small smile. “You mean the world to him.”

“He’s lost everything so I figure he appreciates what he’s found,” Kate noted sagely and I stared at her again.

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