Alice in Zombieland

“No. Yes. Maybe. Oh, I don’t know.” Agitated, I twisted my seat belt through my fingers. “I’m not even sure we’re officially dating, although he did say he wanted me to get to know him well enough and when I said I didn’t yet, he threw out details about himself as if they were bullets and I was a target.”


“Girl, he wants to dip you in Frosted Flakes and have you for breakfast. That’s his favorite cereal, by the way.”

I…had no words for that.

“For what it’s worth, I can tell you that it’s a huge step and now that Frosty is my ex, I have to live with the fact that someone I may or may not despise has seen me naked.”

A single ray of sunlight seeped into the car, spotlighting her eyes, turning them a brighter shade of green while drowning out the brown. The sun! Sweet! That was one less worry. But of course, that ray vanished a second later as if it had never been. Argh!

We crawled up a few more inches as she said, “I know you’ve kissed Cole. Actually, everyone at the club knows you’ve kissed Cole, and I’m sure we’re all surprised your lungs remained inflated and you survived. So was he any good?”

A dreamy sigh left me—and I found three little words. “He was amazing.”

Her laugh was like the tinkling of fairy bells, merry and pure. “You’ve got it bad, my friend.”

“Yeah.”

She drummed her fingers against the wheel. “Well, here’s my advice. If you decide to go for it, insist on a condom and get on the pill. And I know, I know. I sound like I’m teaching Sex Ed. But you don’t want a Baby Cole growing in the oven, do you? And think about it. Who knows where Mackenzie has been? Not us!”

To get on the pill, I’d have to talk with Nana, but even the thought of discussing any of this with her filled me with horror.

“I wish you could see your face,” Kat said, shaking her head. “Okay, so since class with Professor Mad Dog is still in session, I’m going to tell you what my dad told me, and hopefully stop you from flinging yourself out of the car. Talk to him before you do anything. I mean it, Kat. I mean, Ali. And don’t start the talk just before making out, or in the middle of making out. Sit him down before anything’s happened—when nothing’s going to happen. Once a boy gets sex on the brain, he’ll say anything to get it. Kathryn, I mean Ali, are you listening to me? You have to find out where you stand with him, but I’m begging you, please decide you’re not ready.”

“Okay,” I said, horrified all over again. First I had to talk to Nana, and then Cole? I’d rather fight zombies! “So your dad told you all of that?” Brave man.

“I meant my mom, of course.” She gave another laugh, this one nervous. “Anyway, the perfect place for you to start your conversation with Cole is that officially dating thing. Are you or aren’t you? How do you feel about that? Will he be seeing other people? Then, of course, you lead into the bigger question. Will he cuddle you afterward? Believe me, that one is important. One time Frosty left me two seconds after we finished, just kind of pulling on his clothes as he jumped out my window, and I was like, are you freaking kidding me with this, but of course he couldn’t answer because he freaking wasn’t there!”

We reached the box before I had to respond, and placed our orders. What could I have said to something like that, anyway?

She went with an iced mocha and I went with a piping hot cinnamon cream latte.

“And here’s another thing,” she said, easing toward the window to pay.

I barely stifled my moan.

“I can tell you’re a little uncomfortable with the idea of talking to Cole about this. So think about it this way. If you can’t talk to him, you shouldn’t get naked in front of him. Just sayin’.”

Would I ever feel comfortable, though?

“That’ll be nine seventy-five,” the barista said.

After the money exchange, we had our drinks in hand. I hadn’t enjoyed one of these in forever. Not since my mom had decided she couldn’t live without a caffeine boost one morning. She’d made me order a decaf, saying I was too young to have the real thing. I’d complained then, but now, the memory made me smile. She’d only been looking out for me.

“This is way better than a frosty,” Kat said, crowing at her own joke.

I think my mom would have loved Kat. She certainly would have been amused by her.

We spent several hours at the mall, just walking around, talking about nothing and yet everything, trying on clothes, even buying a few. While her taste ran toward the frilly, mine had taken a turn toward, well, the butch. Not very sexy, I knew, but nowadays I cared more about stunning the world with my sword skills than my beauty.

On our way out, we ran into Poppy and Wren, who were on their way in. Wren lifted her nose in the air, and flicked her hair over her shoulder, pretending not to see us. Poppy gave us a depressed little wave.

Wren slapped her hand. “Don’t encourage them. They’ll only drag you down to their level.”

Anger flared inside me.

“What did I ever see in them?” Kat muttered.

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