TRENTON, NJ.
I picked up quickly.
“Nate, I am so spooked! I just—”
“Hannah, where’s Matt?”
“Um, I think he’s”—I drifted toward the front of the house—“out in the yard?” I laughed. “But there’s a lot of yard—”
“Listen. Can you find him? Can you see him?”
The first rising note of panic sounded in my brain. Something is not right. Nate’s voice is wrong … different.
“It’s dark … it’s getting dark.” I cupped a hand against a window and peered out at blackness and my reflection. “I can’t—”
“Go out and call for him. Keep the phone. Stay on the line.”
“Nate, what’s—”
“Hannah, go.”
I’d never heard Nate speak like that—with that kind of anger and urgency. I ran to the front door, which hung open. Looking at it, and the panel of night beyond, I wanted to cry.
“I’m scared,” I said, stepping outside. “What’s happening?”
“It’s okay. Just call for him.”
I lowered the phone and called Matt’s name. Somehow, I knew he wasn’t there, but I strained to see. Maybe if he heard me …
“Matt!” I screamed. “Matt!”
The evening swallowed my voice and sent back no echo.
Chapter 28
MATT
“I tried your cell,” Nate said, “and Hannah’s.”
“Oh, I don’t even know where they are.” I laughed and leaned against the island, smiling indulgently at my new kitchen. Our new kitchen. “We’re living like hippies. This place—”
“Could you sit down? Is Hannah around?”
“She’s nearby.” My smile fell. “What’s up?”
“I’d like it if she were—”
“Tell me what the hell is going on.” My heart began to pulse palpably, audibly in my chest. My mind went to the baby. Yes, the baby—Chrissy and Seth’s child—which Hannah seemed to think I didn’t care about, but which was never far from my thoughts.
“Okay. All right, I’m sorry.” Nate’s voice broke. “It’s Seth. Please, go get Hannah.” He started to cry—guttural, shivery sounds. Horrible sounds. He apologized and begged me to call Hannah. He said that he would come to see me.
I began shaking like a frightened animal.
“God, please,” I said. “What’s happening?”
This is the big breath before you go under.
*
I ran barefoot down the dirt road.
Stones and burrs tore at my soles.
Get on the grass, I thought, and I did, but the grass was dry, full of points and toothy vines. Nothing is kind.
I searched for the creek. I don’t know why. Everywhere, I thought I heard its whisper.
I fell and lay in the road.
Headlights came bouncing toward me. I crawled into the grass.
The car crunched to a stop and I pressed my face against the earth.
“Hey, are you all right?” called a baritone voice.
Go away. I breathed in dust and coughed, my spittle tangy with adrenaline. A car door closed and hushed voices bickered quickly. I’m exhausted, I realized. My eyes wanted to stay shut. I felt the energy going out of me and the deep, sweeping pull of sleep.
I won’t be able to find the creek.
I could barely make a fist.
“Hello, sir?” said the voice, closer now. A shadow blocked the high beams.
I flopped over and gazed at the man.
“I fell,” I said.
“Okay, son. You look pretty torn up. You alone out here?”
I wasn’t alone. I probably wasn’t far from the house. I didn’t know, though, and the man asked too many questions. I closed my eyes as he propped me up in the grass.
“I’m calling the cops,” said a higher voice.
Oh, she sounded angry.
“We’re going to help you find your people,” said the man.
When I opened my eyes, I saw a little boy peering at me from the backseat of the car. The way he looked at me, I knew I was becoming a memory—slightly menacing, surely strange. Remember that man we found by the side of the road, all dazed and scratched up?
I felt sorry for him, because he was just a kid.
You don’t know what you’re getting into, being born.
Chapter 29