“It is hard to watch, okay? I know you and Matt don’t get along, but you’re the same. Self-destructive and stupidly stubborn. And—” My throat clenched; my voice shook. I can never speak when I get too angry or sad.
What I really wanted to do was apologize for helping Seth hurt himself by hooking up with him when my heart belonged to Matt, but I couldn’t make the words come out.
“I would have let you take care of me,” he said. Easy for him to say; he was halfway fucked-up. He leaned against the wall and sucked on his cigarette. He watched me, his dark eyes slanted down, and then gestured toward the club. “I doubt that little thing can do the job.”
That little thing—my sister.
“She needs taking care of,” I said, “not the other way around.”
“I’m gonna try.”
“Is that why she’s in there drinking? God, I want to hate you. I do. I hate you for fucking up her life like this.”
“She was well on her way to fucking it up when I came along.” Seth exhaled away from me. “If not with me, with Wiley, with some other guy. Girl is wild. And Hannah—” He reached for me, the sarcasm draining from his tone. “She came on to me … I didn’t—”
“I don’t want to know.” I sidestepped his hand.
“I want you to know. She did. You left, she came into the room—”
“No.” I covered my ears. When he stopped speaking, I lowered my hands.
How long had I been here? I felt for my phone and remembered I’d left it in the car.
A group of people filed into the club.
“We had fun that night,” Seth said. “I mean after the memorial, driving out to that bar. Making our escape.” He laughed. “It was winter, right? Fucking cold. I really thought he was dead.” Sadness, not bitterness, underpinned Seth’s voice. “It’s hard to forgive him.”
I fished the crumpled check out of my pocket and offered it to Seth.
“He wants to help her.”
“I heard otherwise.” Seth unfolded the check and frowned at it.
“He was angry. He came around.”
“Kid’s got a temper on him. I should know.” After a brief hesitation, he pocketed the check. “I’ll see she gets it. We’re doing some … fancy paternity test. DNA stuff. It’s a safe one. We’ll put the money toward that, and anything else she—”
“What the hell are you two doing out here?” Chrissy swayed in the club’s doorway. Instinctively, I moved away from Seth.
“Trying to figure out ways to help you,” I said.
“Yeah, right.” Her eyes flickered to Seth. “Give me a cigarette.”
“Chris, she’s trying to help. Matt wrote you a check—”
“Look at you, defending her.” Chrissy’s nostrils flared. “I don’t want his help. Give me a fucking cigarette, would you?”
“No,” he said. He flashed an aggrieved look at me. “I think you should go…”
Me? Go? Chrissy was my sister.
With stinging eyes, I rushed toward my car, bumping past drunken strangers. I yanked open the trunk and snatched up all the plastic grocery sacks, and I lumbered back down the alley to where Seth and Chrissy were quarreling.
“You don’t get to pick and choose who helps you.” I set the load of groceries at Chrissy’s feet. “Matt bought all this food for you, so you and that baby can be healthy.”
Her eyes bored into me.
“He’s a judgmental asshole, and you’re not far behind, all of the sudden.” She kicked the nearest bag, hard. Something inside popped. I pictured Matt shopping for those groceries—looming in the aisle, glaring at the selection of whole-grain breads and inspecting each loaf in his angry way—and I dove down, gathering the bags away from Chrissy.
A slippery trail ran onto my shirt.
Broken egg.
I gasped and tears squeezed out of my eyes. I tried to stop them, but as soon as I tried, a torrent followed. I swore under my breath and swiped at my cheeks, smearing egg.
Strong arms closed around me. Seth guided me to my feet.
“Thank you for the food. Leave it; I’ll get it. Where’s your car?”
I pointed blindly and he guided me away from the light and stink of the club.