How does it feel, little bird?
I sighed audibly as I spread the lotion across my pecs, down my abs, lower. Hannah’s gaze flickered to my hands. I slipped the tips of my fingers under the band of my boxers and circled my waist slowly, lifting my hips.
“There,” I murmured. I sat up and smiled languidly at her.
“All done caressing yourself?” She smirked.
“You tell me.” I crawled toward her. “I know you like to watch…”
Her eyes widened, her lips parting.
“Here.” She shoved a sandwich at me.
Damnit.
I sat beside her, staring out at the mountains and chewing on a gluey peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She handed me a Coke and popped open her beer.
“Thanks for packing this,” she said.
Finally, finally, she smiled at me.
“Of course. There’s a slice of orange in there.”
She blinked and fished the small Tupperware out of the cooler pack. I knew she liked orange in her Blue Moon. I watched her squeeze the juice into the bottle, then pop in the rind.
A blush crept into her cheeks.
“You thought of everything,” she whispered.
“Oh, I doubt that.” I chuckled and took another bite. Warm wind rolled up the hill, fanning over us. My head cleared as my lust cooled.
“Is this … the bread you bought for Chrissy?”
“Mm. We might as well get some use out of it.”
“We could still give it to her.”
“No.” I shook my head. “That’s an unequivocal no, Hannah. If she’s getting help from Seth, we’re not helping her.”
“Well, I’m not okay with that.” Hannah lowered her sandwich and turned to face me. I took a deep breath. This, after all, was what I’d actually intended to do today. Talk.
“And I’m not okay with Seth being in her life. She’s in your life. You’re in my life. If he’s in her life, he’s…” My appetite disappeared. I tossed the corner of my sandwich to a squirrel. “Then he’s in our life. In your life. I won’t have that.”
Hannah stared at me as if I’d grown two heads.
“Say something,” I said.
“S-sorry, it’s just—it’s nice to—” She shoved the remainder of her sandwich in her mouth, her cheeks puffing out. “Nice to talk.”
I frowned and cocked my head. Did we not talk enough?
“Um, the thing is … Chrissy is in my life,” she said. “She’ll be in my life no matter what. She needs me now, and I don’t really want Seth in her life either, but I’m not going to try to control her. I’m just going to help her.”
“Do I have any fucking say in the matter?”
“Of course you have a say, Matt.” She touched my cheek. Her hand grazed the faint trace of my cut. “I won’t do anything without consulting you.”
“I don’t want you seeing him.” My jaw clenched. Cold anger and shame gusted through me. “He touched you…”
“Oh, love.” Hannah climbed swiftly onto my lap and wrapped herself around me. I shivered—with rage. She stroked my hair and neck and whispered sweet, soothing nothings into my ear. “It’s okay. Never again. I love you.”
I clung to her.
God, pain is sharp. Even old pain. Past pain. Or maybe that’s the worst kind, because it stabs unexpectedly into our present happiness.
“It’s my fault he came into your life in the first place. He’s my brother. You met him at my idiotic memorial. I should never have—”
She touched my lips.
“No ‘what-if’s,” she said. “This is our reality, remember?”
We shared a soft, slow kiss, and I broke it before I lost myself.
“About last night.” I tucked Hannah’s head under my chin. It was easier to address the mountains. “I lost my temper. I’m sorry. I should have told you I bought food for Chrissy and planned to give her a check. Bird, I’m not used to this … unified-front, joint-decision thing. I’ve told you my money is yours and I meant it. Bear with me. I’m still getting used to all this.”
Her breath on my neck distracted me badly.
Her small hands roamed my torso.
“Okay,” she said.