Jack reached for his beer and took a long swallow. Then he sat back and scratched his chin.
“It just kinda happened,” he shrugged. “I was having a quiet drink in this bar down the street from my apartment. This asshole started pushing his girlfriend around so I took him outside and punched him in the face. I just wanted him to stop, y’know? He was drunk, she was scared – it was just wrong, and no one else was doing anything about it. So I did. It felt good – felt like I’d done something right for a change.”
This was not the Jack he knew. The Jack he knew didn’t go around looking for an excuse to punch someone.
“So I started working out in the gym on my way home from work – just punching the shit out of stuff, running till I could barely walk – getting everything out, all the crap that was in my head. And the more I worked out, the better I felt. Then one night, I got talking to this guy who said he had a friend who was doing this thing where he was fighting for money. Asked if I was interested. I thought yeah, why not? It wasn’t like I had anything to lose. So I went along with him and I got into the ring with this other guy.”
“And what happened?”
“He beat the snot out of me,” Jack smiled wryly. “Took me three weeks to recover.”
Callum shook his head, frowning. “I don’t get it. Why not just call it a day there and then? Why go back for more?”
“Because it felt good, it felt right, somehow. Don’t ask.”
“Getting the shit kicked out of you felt right?” Callum frowned.
“I told you not to ask.” Jack shrugged half-heartedly. “Anyway, after a few fights, something happened – I started fighting back. Channeling my frustrations, I guess. I don’t know.”
He sank back into his chair again. By contrast, Callum felt like a coiled spring. When he had seen him attack Andy that night, he knew something was different about Jack, but he’d had no idea how different.
“We’ve all done stuff we’re not proud of,” he said.
Jack snorted derisively. “You sound like Ally.”
“I’m guessing she doesn’t know about any of this?”
“No, and she’s not going to either, not if I can help it. These were my choices – more shitty ones, as it turns out, but mine just the same. I don’t want her thinking that any of this has got anything to do with her.”
Callum leaned forward and grabbed his beer bottle off the coffee table, taking a long pull. “It has though – got something to do with her,” he dangled the bottle between his knees. “You put yourself through all this because of what happened.”
“Because of what I did,” Jack insisted, steely-eyed.
Callum could see he wasn’t going to get anywhere, so he conceded defeat, changing tack.
“So, how are things going with you and her? From what I saw earlier, it looks like things are getting pretty serious.” He tried to keep his tone conversational as he met Jack’s gaze across the table.
“It’s going okay.”
“Okay? Looked more than just okay.”
“What’s your point?” Jack’s gaze was solid and steady, clearly on the defensive.
“Calm down – I’m just asking,” he clarified. “Honestly.”
Jack took a swig from his bottle. “I think she trusts me a little more,” he admitted after a few moments. “We can talk about things now – some things, anyway. She seems more comfortable.”
“And what about you? Are you more comfortable?”
Jack glanced up at him sharply.
“It’s not easy,” Callum said. “There are a lot of changes to get used to.”
Jack stood up, throwing him a sidelong glance as he walked over to the window. He made a show of checking the road outside through a slim gap in the curtains.
“I think it’s gonna take some time,” he said, deep in thought. “She still keeps a lot of stuff to herself.”
“You’re right there.” Callum watched his back as he stood staring out into the street. “There’s stuff that she won’t even talk to me about and I’ve been here since it happened.”
Jack glanced over his shoulder at him. “That surprises me, given how close you two are.”
“Yeah, well, she keeps her cards pretty close to her chest. Sometimes you have to guess what’s going on inside that head of hers, and sometimes it’s just better to accept that she’s not gonna talk about it until she’s good and ready so you better settle in for a long wait.”
Jack continued to stare out the window, taking a slow pull on his beer. Callum debated whether he should say what was in his heart or not. Honesty won out. “It’s a really big deal, y’know – what’s happening here, with you and her.”
Jack half-turned around, waiting.
“There hasn’t been anyone since you left, since the accident.”
“I didn’t know that,” he said quietly.
Callum shrugged, unsure why he had even shared that with him. He took a hasty sip of his beer, draining the last of it. “I need to get some sleep. Some of us have work in the morning.”