He sat down with a sigh. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. When I drove by and saw your car there, it freaked me out. I didn’t go in then because I didn’t want you to get stuck in the middle. What I had to say was for Jack’s ears only – it was between us.”
“Except it’s not, is it? I know what you said to him, and I know you were just trying to stop me from getting hurt, but I need to do this. If you really want to help, you can stand behind me, not in front of me.”
The cracks were starting to show. The carefully constructed fa?ade that she had spent years building up, the wall behind which she hid, was starting to crumble. Piece by tiny piece, he could see it falling, the despair seeping through. The tears gathered in her eyes now, further proof that all was not well.
“Whatever he has to say to you isn’t going to fix anything, I promise you that.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I can see what it’s doing to you, him being here!”
“This is my decision, not yours,” she said, tears finally working their way loose. “I need to do this, and I need you to let me.”
He clamped his teeth together, afraid of saying more. What would happen if she found out the truth about why Jack left? She was already in pieces. She was strong, there was no doubt about that, but Jack was her Kryptonite, always had been.
She seemed so much smaller, suddenly. He kept assuring himself that keeping Jack away from her was the right thing to do – deep down, beneath the guilt and the anger, he knew it. He was protecting her, for God’s sake. So why did it feel so wrong?
He reached over to take her hand. “You know I’d do anything for you, but I’m sorry, I’m not sure I can just stand by and watch you do this. The simple truth is, I don’t trust him and I don’t think you should either. You think it hurts now? Just wait Ally, it’s only gonna get worse. When he disappears again – and he will, not because I told him to, but because he’s too much of a coward to stay – it’ll be like he’s tearing you apart all over again. Do you really think you’re ready for that?”
She yanked her hand out from under his, quickly wiping her eyes. “I love how everyone seems to think they know what’s best for me,” she snapped. “Like I need to be wrapped in bubble-wrap and protected from the world. I may have made some mistakes in my life, but newsflash – I’m not made of china, I won’t break.”
Releasing the brake on her chair, she turned abruptly and headed towards the pool.
“Hey!” he called, hurrying to catch up. “Hang on a minute.”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” she sniffed, glaring up at him as she wiped a tear from her cheek. “There’s no point.”
She pulled the towel off her legs and lay it down in front of her at the pool’s edge. He didn’t want the conversation to end like this, but he had nothing of value to add.
She carefully lowered herself onto the towel and lifted her legs into the pool, leaning forward and falling into the water. Bobbing to the surface a moment later, she began swimming the length of the pool, leaving him to stare after her.
Eventually, he slipped into the pool himself, sprinting a couple of laps to burn off the residual anxiety. He slowed eventually, keeping one eye on her, before finally giving up the pretense and pulling himself up to sit on the edge of the pool.
He smoothed his wet hair back and tried to catch his breath, watching her. Her stroke was smooth and graceful, powerfully pulling her body through the water. To the casual observer, she looked like any other swimmer.
But she wasn’t. She had a penchant for pushing herself beyond her physical limits when she was distracted, like she was tonight. Before long, he noticed her pace had slowed. As he weighed up how to intervene without copping another roasting, she finally swam towards him. The closer she got, the more evident it became. He slid back into the water and swam towards her slowly.
“I think I might need a hand,” she said.
Without further comment, he stood up, scooping her into his arms and carrying her through the water to the concrete steps at the far end of the pool. Climbing up the steps and out of the pool, the cool air pricked his skin, in stark contrast to the warm water.
She weighed next to nothing these days. There was no denying that she had lost a lot of weight since the accident, and putting it back on wasn’t as easy as it used to be, especially since she was using her braces most days now. She never commented on how her body had changed, or not being able to gain weight, but he could see it in her eyes every time he performed the range-of-motion exercises with her. That faraway look that told him she was trying to distance herself from everything. Self-preservation, he assumed.