chapter FOURTEEN
SHE WOKE IN his arms feeling sad, but better than she had in weeks. Warm, cossetted and maybe even a little loved. For it would be nice to think Alesander loved her, just a little, after she was gone. Because last night had proved one thing to her, and that was that she loved him.
He’d helped her feel alive when all she’d felt was numb. He’d shown her that after death, life went on. He’d given her a gift of life-affirming sex gift-wrapped in his tenderness, and she loved him all the more for it.
Leaving him would kill her, but she would have the memory of their lovemaking to keep her warm at night.
She woke wanting to make love again, knowing there would not be many more times, but he gently put her away, kissing her on the forehead and telling her that he didn’t want her to overdo it, and he would make breakfast for her. Confused and a little hurt, she wondered if already he was withdrawing, in preparation for her leaving.
Then, all during breakfast—while she sat and ate the omelette he’d insisted on making for her—he seemed to be watching her, almost as if he were waiting for something. Was it that she was leaving or did he worry she might suddenly collapse in a heap again? Was that the reason for his sudden care?
‘Is something wrong?’ she asked, putting down her knife and fork when she caught him looking sideways at her again.
‘I don’t know,’ he said disingenuously. ‘I just wondered if there’s something you wanted to tell me.’
She blinked. ‘Like what?’
‘Oh, who can say?’ he said, the corners of his mouth turning up. ‘Can you think of anything you might be keeping from me that maybe you should share? That I might be interested in hearing? A secret, perhaps?’
A chill descended her spine.
Surely he couldn’t know.
Not that. There was no way he could know that.
They’d barely spoken in the last month and she hadn’t said anything last night in the depths of passion. Had she? ‘I don’t have any secrets.’
‘None? Nothing at all to tell me?’
Nothing that you would want to hear.
‘I can understand you might be nervous about telling me,’ he said, and all the while she was thinking, He knows. ‘I know I’ve warned you enough times, but I’d like to think our relationship has changed. I don’t want you to think there is anything you can’t share with me.’
She swallowed, both nervous and excited in case it meant he felt the same way. Could it be possible? Had Alesander fallen in love with her too? The way he had treated her last night made her want to believe it. And the way he was looking at her now made her think it might even be possible.
He took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. ‘You don’t have to be nervous,’ he prompted. ‘You can tell me.’
‘Well,’ she said, her heart hammering in her chest, trying to find the courage to tell him the truth. ‘Maybe there is one thing.’
He smiled encouragingly. ‘I thought so. What is it?’
His fingers were warm and reassuring around her hand, his eyes dark with promise and so she relaxed and smiled. ‘Then I guess it’s time you knew. Alesander, I love you.’
A blank stare met her confession. ‘What?’
He shook his head. ‘Isn’t there something else? I thought you were going to tell me about the baby. When were you going to tell me about the baby?’
‘The baby? There is no baby.’
He dropped her hand. ‘But I heard you tell Felipe …’
Oh God. And she had just told him that she loved him. ‘You were there?’
‘Of course I was there. The nurses called me—told me it was close. And I heard you. You told Felipe you were pregnant, that we were having a child. You told him you were going to call it Felipe. I heard you!’
‘Alesander …’ she swallowed ‘… you have to understand—’
He spun out of his chair, strode away across the room, raking the fingers of one hand through his hair, his other on his hip. ‘Damn it, you said it. Why the hell would you do that if it wasn’t true?’
‘Because it’s what Felipe wanted to hear. It’s what he needed to hear!’
‘Felipe could barely hear you let alone understand that!’
‘No, listen to me, that day in the vineyard, the day he fell—he told me that day that it was his greatest wish that there be news of a child before he died. He wanted to know his family would go on after he died.’
‘But that was the day—’
‘I know.’
‘We had unprotected sex that day. And you said nothing since. And when you told Felipe that you were having a baby, I thought … I thought.’
‘I’m sorry. My period came last week. I didn’t tell you. We were barely talking and I didn’t think you cared.’
No baby.
He strode aimlessly to the windows and stared blankly out of them.
She’d got her period.
She wasn’t pregnant.
She’d thought he didn’t care.
Why did he?
He’d tried not to. For the best part of a month he’d pretended he didn’t care, but when he’d heard her tell Felipe that she was pregnant and realised that meant she would have to stay, he’d learned that he did care, more than he’d thought possible.
But no baby.
No child.
No son.
And that last grated more than the rest. He spun around. ‘Do you ever tell the truth?’
‘Alesander,’ she appealed, ‘please—’
‘You’ve been spinning lies from the moment you arrived.’
‘Yes, I’ve lied! All the time I’ve been here, I’ve been lying to Felipe and I hated myself for it, but there was a reason why I lied—good reason. Felipe was able to die happy because of those lies.’
‘You probably don’t even know how to tell the truth.’
‘I told you the truth.’
‘I don’t think you’re capable of it.’
‘Alesander,’ she said more firmly. ‘I told you the truth.’
‘But you said—’
‘I said I love you.’
His eyes shuttered closed, his mind reeling back through their conversation. And she had said that, but he’d been blindsided by the words she hadn’t said, by the words he’d been expecting, the words he’d grown used to since he’d first heard her utter them.
He hadn’t had time to process these new ones.
‘It was the truth. It is the truth. I’m only sorry it wasn’t the truth you were wanting to hear.’
And they weren’t the words he’d been expecting to hear, true.
But there was something in them, something that didn’t bother him as much as he might have thought.
Something that resonated with him.
He didn’t want her to go. He’d thought a baby would keep her here. He’d been devastated to know she wasn’t pregnant, that she’d lied for Felipe when he’d wanted her words to be true.
There was no baby, but if she loved him, maybe there was a chance she still might stay.
‘Do you have to go home to Australia?’
‘What?’
‘I know you have your studies to return to, but do you have to go? We have universities in Spain, after all. You could study here, finish your studies, improve your Spanish at the same time.’
Her heart leapt. What was he saying? She bit her lip, trying desperately not to read too much into his questions. There had been too many misunderstandings between them, too many times they had misunderstood each other and let each other down. ‘Alesander?’
‘Because if you do not need to leave, perhaps you could stay here, with me.’
‘Even though I’m not pregnant?’
‘Who says you’re not? We had unprotected sex last night. I didn’t think I needed to bother with a condom, under the circumstances. Only now I find the circumstances have changed and that perhaps you might be pregnant after all.’
‘Oh.’ Her heart sank. She’d been right not to get too excited. ‘Oh, and you want me to wait. In case this time there’s a baby.’
‘Yes, of course I want any child of mine. But I want you too. I did not know that at first. I was determined to keep you here and when I heard that you were pregnant, it gave me a reason to make you stay. Because I want you here with me. Because I love you, Simone …’
She blinked.
‘What did you say?’
‘I said I love you. And I want you to stay. And we’ll have unprotected sex as many times as it takes if it means you will.’
‘Alesander …’
‘I know I have not been easy to live with. I know I have treated you badly and that I have no right to ask for your love.’
Her heart was beating so fast it was all but tripping over itself, her smile was so wide it hurt and still she couldn’t stop. ‘You always told me not to make the mistake of thinking you were nice.’
‘I am not nice. I am the first to admit it. But I will also admit that I am in love with you. Will you stay here in Spain with me, Simone? Will you stay and be my real wife and be the mother of my children? Will you stay and bear a son named Felipe and honour the memory of your grandfather? What do you say?’
‘Oh yes,’ she cried, her heart bursting with happiness. ‘I say yes. I love you, Alesander, I love you so very much.’
And he smiled and took her into his arms and kissed her until she was giddy with joy.
‘I love you too. I will always love you.’