A Year at the French Farmhouse

Six hours later, she was parking down the side of a country road, tucking the Nissan alongside ten or so other cars – muddy Land Rovers, battered Clios, and several cars that still had English plates. She’d opted to wear one of her summer dresses – something she didn’t often get the opportunity to slip on – and had taken the time to properly blow-dry her hair. The shampoo she’d used smelled of apples and she caught a whiff from time to time as she walked.

It had taken a while to find the right place. As in Faux la Montagne, none of the houses had numbers and it was a case of taking careful directions, looking out for landmarks such as ‘a field of cows’ or ‘the barn with all the solar panels’ in order to find what looked to be the right place. Even now, she was only half sure she wasn’t turning up to another party altogether.

The house looked gorgeous from the outside as she walked up the muddy, half-gravelled path. The shutters and front door were newly painted in a pale green, and a table and chairs sat under an enormous oak tree, its twisted trunk marking it out as at least a couple of hundred years old.

As she approached, she could hear the gentle hum of conversation, and saw to her right a group of people gathered together, wine glasses in hand, standing by an in-built pool. A couple of children were in the water, splashing and calling to one another. It was an idyllic scene, but she felt suddenly shy – not able to see Dawn or Clive among the guests and unsure how to introduce herself.

‘Hello, love.’ The voice in her ear was so sudden that she couldn’t help but jump. She turned and found herself face to face with Dawn, red hair backcombed into a resplendent bouffant, eye-liner slightly smudged and wearing a bikini top and sarong. She grinned and shoved an enormous glass of wine into Lily’s hand. ‘You found us then!’

‘Yes, oh, thank you. I shouldn’t really, I’m driving…’

‘Oh we don’t worry about that around here!’ Dawn said with a conspiratorial nudge and grin.

‘We don’t?’

‘No, well everyone else seems to just get in their cars after a long lunch. You see them weaving around the streets come two o’clock. All the farmers, and the like. No-one ever seems to stop them.’

‘Oh. But…’ Lily was going to suggest that being caught was only one of the risks of drink driving, but Dawn marched off ahead towards the group and she found herself hurrying in her wake like a young child chasing her mother.

‘Right,’ said Dawn, letting her catch up on the edge of a small cluster of people. ‘This is Lily. Lily, this is Pat, Kenneth, Wilbur, Sharon, Conor and Bob.’

‘Nice to meet you,’ said Lily, lifting her glass slightly and realising that while Dawn might only be a decade her senior, the small group she’d been introduced to were definitely old enough to be her parents.

‘Lily’s moved over all on her own,’ Dawn continued, making a sad face. ‘So I thought it would help her to see a few friendly faces.’

There was a chorus of murmurs and nods. Her job done, Dawn clapped her hands. ‘Right,’ she said, ‘better get back to me sausage rolls.’

Lily took a tentative sip of her wine, which was pleasingly cold although a tad on the vinegary side, and looked around the group. She could feel her body tense under the soft folds of her dress. She wished more than anything she had Ben with her, or Ty. Or ideally both. Without them she felt exposed – not knowing what to say. And despite the crowd of people, terribly lonely.

The man to her left, who’d been introduced as Bob, caught her eye and gave her a grin.

‘So what brings you to these parts then?’ he asked.

‘I’m hoping to do up a property, start running retreats,’ she said. ‘What about you?’

‘Me? oh we’ve been here for about a decade. Me and Sharon over there. Both retired now, thank god.’ He took a gulp of his wine. ‘Takes a bit of getting used to, mind.’

‘Yes, I can imagine.’ She smiled. ‘But you’re settled in now.’

He shrugged. ‘It has its moments,’ he said.

She noticed a bead of sweat at the top of his bald head begin to tremble slightly, before it snaked its way along his forehead and glided down to the tip of his nose, at which point he wiped it off with the back of his hand.

‘So,’ she said in the slightly awkward silence that had formed between them. ‘What do you do?’

‘You’re looking at it,’ he said. ‘Meet up with mates, have a wine. Maybe a pizza night sometimes.’

‘Oh, right.’

‘Course it’s harder in this weather. It never used to get this hot until August.’

‘That’ll be global warming then,’ she said with a wry smile.

‘Yeah, right,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘Global warming.’

‘What?’

‘You don’t seriously believe all that stuff, do you?’ he said, leaning forward slightly. ‘Tell me this, then. How can we have global warming when it’s freezing cold come September? Could do with a bit more global warming if you ask me.’

‘Eh,’ she said. She’d heard this argument before – the odd Facebook forum nutter online – but never had someone voice it to her face. ‘Well,’ she said, ‘it’s not all about things heating up, it’s—’

‘Global warming,’ he continued, not really listening to her, shaking his head, almost fondly, as if she was a small child talking about Santa.

She used the pause in conversation to make her escape and drifted over to two women in sundresses and hats standing by the water. One of the women had clearly been wearing a strappy dress the day before, and white lines of a cross-strapped back were clearly visible against the red of her sunburned skin.

‘You all right, love?’ one of them said. ‘Been talking to Bob, have you?’

‘Yes,’ she said, tentatively, not wanting to make a comment in case she’d accidentally stepped into some sort of climate-change deniers’ expat drinking group.

‘Was he giving it all that?’ the other woman asked, moving her hand like a bird’s beak.

‘Well, maybe a bit.’

‘Just ignore him,’ the first woman said. ‘He’s harmless enough. But… well, getting on a bit.’

‘Right.’ Lily felt flooded with relief. ‘I did wonder…’

‘Anyway, I’m Kelly and this is June,’ said the first woman, whose red complexion was topped with a startling blonde quiff.

June smiled. ‘Hi,’ she said. She was younger than Kelly by a few years, and had softly curling brown hair that hung neatly around her face. She’d accessorised with the sort of chunky jewellery that a kind person might describe as ‘individual’.

‘So, out here all alone?’ Kelly said, making the same sad face that Dawn had made during her introductions.

‘Yes,’ she said, not really wanting to go into details. ‘But it’s great… I’m looking forward to getting to know people, settling into the area.’

The pair nodded. ‘I was like that at first,’ June confided. ‘Thought I’d be fluent in French within a month! Now look at me – I can barely ask where the bogs are!’

‘Oh, how long have you been here?’

‘Twelve years.’

‘And you don’t—’

‘It’s all those verbs,’ June said, solemnly. ‘We get by quite well without those in English.’

‘Ha,’ Lily said, then wondered whether June might actually be serious.

‘Anyway,’ she said, moving the subject on to safer ground. ‘What brought you to France?’

‘Oh, it’s lovely here. We sold up in the UK and bought a property outright, so no mortgage. Meant we could retire at fifty-five,’ said Kelly. ‘We run a B. & B. in the summer to get a little bit extra in, but we use the rest of the time to relax or go on holidays in the campervan.’

This was more like it. ‘So you enjoy living here?’

‘Oh yes, nothing like it.’ Kelly smiled.

‘And where have you travelled to? You’ve probably done a round-the-world tour by now.’

The women exchanged a look and Lily had to review her words to find out if there was something wrong. She didn’t think she’d said anything insulting.

‘Yeah, right,’ June said. ‘All the way round the world, right, Kelly.’

‘Yep. A round-the-world trip!’ They both laughed, almost affectionately.

‘Sorry,’ Lily said, unable to take the weird feeling of tension stretching in her stomach. ‘Did I… Was it something I said?’

‘Oh, don’t worry about us,’ June said. ‘We’re just not used to meeting… well, globe-heads.’

‘Globe-heads?’ Lily unconsciously raised her spare hand and placed it on her head. Was it rounder than the average head shape? And if it was, why had she never noticed? And even if it was, it wasn’t very nice of them to laugh at her for it. She began to feel a little as she’d used to at school when walking past the popular crowd on her way to lunch.

‘Yes.’ June nodded. ‘I mean, don’t worry. It’s not your fault. I was one until I met Kelly.’

This sounded even more alarming. ‘So…?’

‘I think most people are moving away from the round earth theory,’ said Kelly, leaning forward conspiratorially. ‘People in the know I mean.’

‘You mean, you think… you believe the world is flat?’ Lily said, trying to keep her tone light.

‘Well, it’s not really a case of believe, love. It’s fact.’

‘But…?’

Gillian Harvey's books