A Year at the French Farmhouse

‘And look, thanks for having me,’ Emily said. ‘It’s really nice of you.’


‘Pah!’ said their host, flicking her fingers as if swatting a fly. ‘It iz nothing.’

They took seats at the table, and Chloé poured them each a tiny glass of purple liquid which turned out to be a kind of blackcurrant alcoholic drink.

‘I weel be with you soon, oui?’ Chloé said, once they were settled. ‘I just go to poke le chick.’

‘Wow,’ said Emily, leaning forward across the table once the door closed. ‘You didn’t tell me she was so…’

‘So what?’ Lily prompted, feeling strangely protective as she noted her friend’s serious expression.

‘Gorgeous? Friendly?’ Emily said.

‘Which is good, right?’ Lily replied, still unable to read Emily’s tone.

‘Which is brilliant. Seriously.’ Emily took a swig of her blackcurrant drink and made a face. ‘Woah, strong! But yeah, it’s brilliant. I’m seriously happy for you. You’ve already found a new friend – and she’s a definite upgrade from the old model.’ She grinned.

‘What?’

‘Yes,’ Emily continued. ‘I used to wonder what you’d do without me… you know, in France I mean. But now… well…’

‘Don’t be daft. You’re irreplaceable and you know it!’ Lily smiled, putting a reassuring hand on Emily’s arm – not sure if she was joking.

‘No,’ said Emily firmly. ‘No, I’m not irreplaceable.’ Then, ‘And it’s good. It’s a good thing,’ she added hastily. ‘Emily 2.0. Version Fran?aise.’

‘You are so…’

But Chloé entered the room, carrying a casserole dish in carefully gloved hands and Lily lost what she was about to say. ‘Wow,’ she said instead. ‘That smells amazing.’

Chloé smiled at them both then, placing down a trestle, set the dish in front of them.

Lily found, if she suppressed any images of the forlorn murdered hen that popped into her mind, she quite enjoyed the casserole, which was very similar to the ones her mum had used to make. ‘Thank you for this,’ she said to Chloé. ‘It’s delicious.’

‘Mmm, yes,’ agreed Emily, forking a large piece of chicken into her mouth. ‘Tasty.’

‘Merci beaucoup,’ said Chloé, pleased.





Two hours later, they were negotiating the winding route towards Broussas.

‘I cannot believe I went for seconds of that mousse,’ said Emily. ‘You should have stopped me. You’re going to have to roll me out of the car at this rate. I almost definitely can’t walk.’

‘You should have stopped me,’ Lily countered. ‘Honestly, if I carry on like this I’m going to have to buy a bigger house.’

They both laughed.

‘Diet starts tomorrow,’ said Emily.

‘Always.’ Lily smiled.

‘And tomorrow never comes!’ they said in unison.

‘God, but it was delicious though,’ her friend sighed.

‘Yep. Puts my attempts at chocolate brownies to shame,’ Lily replied.

They both sat in silence for a second.

‘I meant what I said though,’ Emily told her. ‘I’m really pleased you’ve found a friend already.’

‘Yeah, I guess I’m lucky.’ Lily smiled. ‘Although it’s early days, isn’t it. I’m not sure how long you have to know someone before calling them a friend.’

Emily snorted. ‘I think for us it was – what – five minutes?’ she said, referring to the time they’d been paired up on the first day at their new school.

‘Probably,’ said Lily. ‘I think you wrote “BFF” on my hand within about the first thirty seconds.’

‘Marking my territory.’

‘I guess I was lucky you didn’t pee on me or something.’

‘There’s always time…’

They both laughed.

‘If someone had told me in Year Seven,’ Emily said, ‘that one day we’d be in our forties and driving around France, it would have completely blown my mind. That we’d be friends that long. Do all this together.’

‘It blows my mind, now,’ said Lily. ‘I still have to shake myself to believe I’m actually here. That I’ve done it. That I’m not just on holiday but… well, this is permanent.’ Her voice wobbled a little on her last word – as if it had somehow put the last nail in the coffin of her life in England, of her relationship. ‘I mean, you know. It’s not quite as I’d dreamed it.’

‘Ah,’ said Emily. ‘Give it time.’ She reached over and patted Lily’s knee. ‘I have a feeling everything’s going to work out OK.’

‘You think?’ Lily wanted to ask Emily what she meant. What ‘working out OK’ would really look like. But she stopped herself.

‘Yeah. I really do,’ said Emily, looking at her with a surprisingly watery smile. ‘You are going to have a wonderful life here.’

‘Hang on,’ said Lily, veering slightly into the middle of the road as they rounded an unexpected corner. She slowed the car down. ‘Where’s the sarcastic comment?’ She glanced briefly at her friend’s face.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, the Emily I know would say it was going to work out OK, but then – I don’t know – make a quip about my fashion sense, or my chances of landing a handsome Frenchman, or… something,’ she said, with a smile. ‘I’m just waiting for the punchline.’

‘Suppose I’m just feeling sentimental,’ said Emily. ‘Usual service will resume shortly, I promise.’ She rubbed her nose with the back of her hand.

‘Glad to hear it. It’s very disconcerting, all this positivity,’ joked Lily. ‘Although remind me to write down the name of that drink Chloé gave you – perhaps it has some sort of magic powers.’

She waited for Emily’s snort. But her friend remained silent. ‘Em?’ Lily said.

‘I’m sorry,’ Emily said, after a moment.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Oh, you know. I’m sorry that I’m such an arse. That I always joke about everything. You know it doesn’t mean anything, don’t you?’

‘Of course! I…’

‘Because it doesn’t. Lily, you’re my best friend. And I think you’re, well, bloody brilliant, if I’m honest.’

‘Steady on.’

‘Well, I do,’ said Emily firmly. ‘Whatever stupid stuff I may say, I… well, I love you, Lily Butterworth.’

‘OK. Well, thanks. You too.’

They fell into silence, neither quite knowing what to say next. Then Emily put the radio on and managed to tune it to a station playing some sort of cheesy medley from the eighties and nineties.

By the time they arrived at Lily’s house, their voices were hoarse from singing along to everything from Wham! to Steps, and all the melancholy they’d felt on the journey seemed firmly and safely in the past.





‘What the hell is that?’ a voice in the darkness hissed in Lily’s ear.

‘Wha—?’ she said sleepily.

‘Lily, wake up for god’s sake. The house is haunted and we need to get out now.’

This was enough to make her sit up, her bottom lightly touching the floor beneath her airbed, which had deflated under her during her first hours of sleep.

‘What are you talking about?’

Emily snapped on the light, her face pained.

‘Ouch!’ Lily’s vision blurred as her eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness.

‘Sorry,’ Emily said, ‘but something is in the house and you need to wake up and get the hell out of here before we’re both eaten alive or something.’

‘Are you sure you haven’t just had a nightma—’

‘Shh,’ said her friend.

True enough, a banging and scratching sound could be heard above their heads.

‘It’s probably mice or something,’ Lily said sleepily.

‘That,’ said Emily, her face pale as a loud bang and thud combination made them both jump, ‘is not a frickin’ mouse.’

Her body protesting, Lily stood up and cocked her head to the side to hear. ‘It’s definitely something in the attic,’ she said, trying to stay calm, although the savage way she’d been woken up had done nothing for her blood pressure. ‘Maybe the neighbour’s cat has…’

‘If you think that’s just one animal,’ said Emily, ‘then you’re insane. There’s a whole zoo up there. Or some sort of poltergeist party.’

More thundering above their heads seemed to support the first hypothesis. ‘Oh,’ said Lily. ‘Well, maybe I could call someone in the morning, you know, to take a look.’

‘Are you actually mad? Look, I watched this documentary about poltergeists and there was a family in Norfolk who had an old house – not much different from this one – and they began to hear banging in the night. Over the course of a week it got worse, then crockery started flying through the air. One of the children got hit on the nose by a teacup! It was carnage.’

‘Emily, you don’t believe in ghosts, let alone poltergeists.’

‘Nor did they, Lily. Nor did they,’ Emily said darkly.

‘I’m sure we could…’

‘You know me,’ Emily said, ‘I don’t want to be melodramatic…’

‘God forbid.’

‘But I haven’t slept in two hours. And now, until I know exactly what we’re dealing with up there, I don’t think I’ll be able to settle at all.’

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