“No, they don’t.” Blaise’s eyes flashed at him. “That’s how we both got hurt before. You make decisions in life. You stay away from something that’s wrong, or isn’t what you want. I’m a forty-seven-year-old woman who doesn’t want kids. You want them, and should have them. I don’t even know if I’d get pregnant again, without a lot of help, or at all. And you’d always be disappointed not to have children. Simon, I can’t do that to you.”
“Stop talking,” he said to her angrily. “You’re not negotiating a contract with the network. And I don’t give a damn how old you are, or if you want kids or not. I love you. I love your mind, your heart, your values, the way you think. I love how kind you are, your integrity. You’re everything I want, and all that I believe in. I don’t care if you get pregnant or not. Blaise … I love you.” And without saying another word, he took her in his arms and kissed her and the roof fell in and then exploded outward and all she saw was sky as he held her in his arms. She kissed him for what felt like an eternity, and when she looked at him, she knew that everything she’d been saying didn’t matter, what he had to offer, the babies he wouldn’t have with her. They loved each other, and there was nothing else to say. He held her face in his hands and looked at her after he kissed her, and then he kissed her again. And when he stopped, they were both smiling. And Blaise knew that what his mother had said was true. She was in love with him. And he was in love with her too, no matter how impossible it was, or how old she was, or how young he was. They loved each other. It was all they knew. And the rest remained to be seen.
Chapter 10
ONCE ACKNOWLEDGED, THE attraction between Simon and Blaise was so powerful that it was like a genie let out of a bottle, impossible to put back. The electricity between them got stronger, the looks they exchanged across a room or at dinner, which Salima couldn’t see, were so breathtaking that they stopped talking, which Salima did notice. It was heady stuff, and both of them were trying to resist it without success. Bumping into each other, hands touching accidentally, shoulders brushing, it all fanned the embers of what had been growing all along, into a mighty blaze. It wasn’t destructive, but it warmed them both. And even not talking about it, which they tried not to, it was there.
When Blaise came home from the office now, she found him waiting for her, and it had new meaning. He asked her how her day had gone, and wanted to hear about it. He searched her face to see how stressful the day had been, or if there had been new confrontations. He smiled at the victories, and laughed at her irritated descriptions of Susie Quentin. Unlike anyone in years, he cared about her life, and shared it in a gentle, solid way.
And at night, after Salima went to bed, they sat for hours in the kitchen, talking about life, the blind schools he had contacted, asking for job applications, or Blaise’s concerns about Salima. They talked about everything that affected them both, without entering a relationship, but being in one nonetheless, whatever they chose to call it. It was love of the purest kind, which had started on its own, born of everything they shared and had in common, and their bond only drew them closer to each other while they tried to resist it. And Simon was possessive of her, without wanting to admit it.
For the first time in a long time, Andrew called her on her cell phone one night, as they were just finishing dinner. Salima was at the table with them, and Blaise took her cell phone back to her office to talk to him. He said he had been thinking of her and wondered how she was. He was in San Francisco on business, which she knew meant he wasn’t with his wife, and could talk freely, hence the call. She was startled to hear from him again.
“How are things with you?” Andrew asked in a jovial mood. It was early for him, and Blaise assumed he had just finished the day’s meetings. And he had that boyish, sexy tone in his voice that always used to seduce her. “I hear Susie Quentin is giving you a run for your money.” She couldn’t believe he had said it, it was so Andrew, a little passive-aggressive jab to keep her on her toes.
“You called to tell me that? What are you hoping, that she gets my job?”
“Of course not. You know I worry about you.” In fact, she knew he didn’t. And never had. Or he wouldn’t have lied to her. “It must be tough for you, though.”
“Not really,” Blaise said, trying to sound more cavalier than she felt, and wanting to prove to him that she was fine. He always pulled at the loose threads in her life, in the hope that she’d unravel. And even if she did, she wouldn’t tell him. “She’ll trip herself up sooner or later, they all do. Or they have so far. What are you doing in San Francisco?” And why are you calling me? she asked herself. Just to annoy me about Susie? It seemed so petty.
“Meetings. Nothing special. We’re going to Mexico for Christmas. What are you doing?”
“I’m staying here, with Salima. She’s been home from school since October. They had a meningitis outbreak and had to close the school for three months.”
“I suppose you have Abby with you.” He knew all the familiar pieces of her life.