I tried to hold onto this during the debriefing back in Annar, even when my eyes threatened to shut me out of coherent conversation. Even after having the thrill of seeing my good friend Etienne Miscanthus again, who came to help share Elders histories with Zthane. It was a success, the head of the Guard kept saying to all of us. The Council can’t know yet (outside of the members in this room, he clarified). The Council will never sanction having their Creator go out and repeatedly get cut up, risking her life. Kellan argued the validity of this point, sounding much like his brother, but in the end, Karl and I overrode him, siding with Zthane, and agreed to meet in a few days to set up the next round.
“It’s good to see you, peacock,” Etienne murmurs when he hugs me goodbye. “Let’s have tea soon?”
I tighten my arms around him. I’ve missed him. “Of course. Tell Mac he must come, too.”
Etienne pulls away, his hand going to my cheek. “We wouldn’t have it any other way. See you soon, pumpernickel.” And then he goes over to where Zthane is so they can discuss the situation further.
“I should get you home,” Will’s saying as we exit through the HQ doors. “Dad’s probably out of his mind with worry. At least this time, he won’t have to worry about patching us up.”
I laugh, but Kellan doesn’t find this humorous at all.
I’m just about to do something incredibly stupid, like ask him to come back and maybe have dinner with us because I can’t resist him and the feelings I have for him one second longer, when Sophie Greenfield materializes. And I stand there, shock coursing through every vein, every nerve when she leans forward and presses a kiss against Kellan’s cheek.
Is it my imagination that he flinches when her lips touch his skin? That his entire body shrinks away from hers in visible disgust? Or is that wishful thinking?
“There you are!” she says, and I swear, an ugly sense of triumph is what curves her mouth and softens her voice. “I was hoping you’d be free for dinner.”
Before Kellan can say anything, she turns to me and Will. “Look who’s crawled back to Annar. And is this the non that everyone’s talking about? The one you dumped Jonah for?”
“Who the fuck is this?” Will practically barks at Kellan.
But me, I don’t even know what to say. Think. So I do the only thing I can do in this excruciatingly awkward, torturous moment—I turn around and walk away without another word. Kellan’s voice, raised and angry, fills the background, but I close my ears to the particulars.
It’s none of my business, I tell myself with every step. He’s free to do whatever he likes with whomever. And then—I need to get the hell out of here before I fall entirely apart.
I resent that thought, resent that even after everything I’ve gone through, everything I’ve decided, Fate still shows how it can screw with me by manipulating my heart this way.
“Who was that?” Will asks, jogging the last few steps to catch up with me.
“Sophie,” I say tersely, because anything else would be too much.
“You realize that helps me in no way.”
I focus on the sidewalk in front of me.
He sighs, knowing I won’t—or perhaps can’t—elaborate any further. “Well, whoever she is, she just got her ass ripped off and handed to her by your boy there. It was rather embarrassing for her, although I’m not sure it fazed her one bit.”
I smash the fierce pleasure that comes with this back into the box it came from.
“Chloe, wait.” It’s Kellan’s turn to jog to where we are. He reaches out to grab my arm, but I deftly move it away from his hand. There is no good in our touching in this moment. None at all. Not if I’m going to stay strong in the moment and do the right thing for both of us. But if he can’t get through to me physically, he plants himself in front of me and attempts to stop me with his words. “Please—just . . . let me explain.”
I force a bright smile upon my face as I finally stop. “There’s no need for an explanation.” Because there isn’t, I tell myself, even though it hurts like hell knowing it to be true.
It’s Will’s cue to dismiss himself, telling me, “I’ll meet you at home, yeah?”
Before Kellan can say anything further, I dig deep and cut him off at the pass. “Look. If you haven’t forgotten, I abandoned you—I abandoned everyone. I left Annar and moved away for over half a year. It is completely reasonable that during that time period, you . . .” I force myself to say it, even though it’s shards of glass coming up through my throat, “That you would do whatever you like, with whomever you like, including Sophie.”
All of his panic transitions to fury. “There is nothing between me and Sophie, Chloe.”
Two fists reach inside my chest and grip my lungs so hard I can barely get out, “The point is still the same, Kellan.”
“Why, hello,” his heart says to my dagger that slides so easily into it. “Fancy meeting you here.”
I can’t escape his touch now as he angles us to a nearby alcove. Oh, gods . . . tingles zip up and down my spine, my arms, my chest, my legs—everywhere, everywhere, and it’s like a drug, and I have to yank my arm away lest I relapse in ways I may never recover from. “Why are you doing this?”