He stares at me hard. Another bang comes from the kitchen, startling us both.
“What does that mean?”
So I tell him the truth. He listens to me fall apart without a single word until Will appears with a tray filled with pancakes and coffee.
“Ah,” Will says quietly, setting the tray on a stand next to the table. “She told you.”
Karl’s wide eyes go even wider before Will’s words snap him back to attention. “Uh . . .”
I pass Karl a plate of pancakes, eggs and bacon. He takes it, still staring at me like I’ve got two heads.
I sip my coffee, wishing I had some of Cameron’s whiskey to strengthen my nerves.
Karl clears his throat as Will slides into the booth next to me. “Let me see if I’ve gotten this right. You—you claim that you’re not only Connected to Jonah, but to Kellan, too?”
Hearing their names from a shared friend is so, so bittersweetly difficult.
Will answers for me when it’s obvious I’m about three seconds away from going either catatonic or hysterical. It’s a toss-up, really. “That’s the gist of it.”
“Nobody has two Connections,” is what comes out of Karl’s mouth.
Will sets his coffee cup down. “She told me that these blokes do, too—to each other. Is that correct?”
“Well, yes, but—they’re twins. It makes sense why they’d have a Connection to one another, albeit not a romantic one.” Karl’s not touching his food. He’s still staring at me, confused as all hell.
“I’m no expert in the matter,” Will says smoothly, “but one could assume that since identical twins share DNA and whatnot, they just might share one of these Connection things.”
Karl’s features soften into something I despise. His anger, so tangible fifteen minutes ago, has been replaced by pity. I think I prefer his anger, especially now. “Is this true, Chloe?”
I viciously tear apart my pancakes with my fork. “Confirmed by several Seers.”
He’s still confused. “But you—you and Jonah. You guys are like me and Moira. You had a doorway. You shared dreams.”
I’ve begun sniffling. Dammit. I do not want to break down crying tonight. Will passes his napkin over but I ignore it. “Exactly. Can you now see why things were a little difficult between the three of us?” I hate that my voice just cracked while saying that. I focus on the plate below me. Do not break down, Chloe. Not now. Not in front of them. I close my eyes and count to twenty. When I open them, I say, thankful my voice is more even, “You’ve got a Connection, Karl. You know how overwhelming it is. Just imagine having two. Imagine being torn between two people. Imagine knowing that you’re constantly causing somebody you love more than life unbearable pain at all times. And it wasn’t just Kellan I was hurting. Jonah suffered from my actions, too.” I allow myself a sad smile. “Did you know that, by the end, the only talking they’d do with one another was during fighting?”
“Chloe, I—I can’t believe all of this,” is what Karl says.
“You knew them growing up. They were best friends. When I came into the picture, all of that changed.” I force myself to breath in and out. In and out. “What would you have done? What if it’d been you and Moira and,”—it’s a low blow, but I say it anyway—“Kiah? You’d have done the same. Had I left a note, they would have still come after me. They’d have tried, like they always did, to rationalize things. Offer more promises that they’d find ways to fix everything, even when those and others couldn’t be kept and they’d beat themselves up over it. So, yeah. I’m selfish. I left. I left without a note, and I know I’ve hurt them, but it was the best I could do.”
He rubs his forehead and shakes his head slowly.
I’m indignant, which is so much better in this moment than weepy. “I’m not lying about the double Connections.”
“I know,” he says quietly. Then he laughs under his breath. “I’m a really shitty friend, aren’t I? For never noticing any of this before?”
What? There is no way he has any reason to feel guilty right now. That’s all on me. “That’s ridiculous! How could you—”
“Moira would every so often ask me if things were okay with Kellan. She’d say he was . . .” Karl shakes his head again. “Those of us who knew you two used to date knew your breakup was hard on him. But, I just figured . . .” He sighs. “Moira knew. She was worried about him, and Jonah, saying they were acting weird, but they refused to talk to her about it. Always said they were fine.”
My pancakes are now in tiny pieces.