His head jerks sharply away from the wall. “Why would you say that?”
I feel calm saying this, which is funny, since I’m talking about death. I shouldn’t be calm. I ought to be hysterical. But I’m not. It’s like I’m on autopilot. “We have no idea if the rest of our team is alive. No one knows we’re here except Jonah, and he’s trapped, too. And even if they did, they’d have to get past the Elders outside. There are more than two now, aren’t there? Can you feel them?”
“I don’t want you thinking like this.” He rubs his eyes. “Do you hear me?”
My lips twist, just a little. “Gonna make me stop?”
He looks away. “You need to stay positive.”
I humor him before asking if Jonah’s free yet.
A flash of uncertainty streaks across his face. “I don’t know.”
“Ask him!”
Both hands run through his hair. “I can’t.”
Come again? I stumble a bit closer. “What do you mean you can’t? Is he okay? IsJonahokay?”
He’s quick with his answer. “Last I heard, he was fine.”
“Then . . .?”
His fingers grip at his hair now. “It’s just . . . it’s hard to concentrate, you know? To connect with him. I think I can hear him better than he can hear me.”
This makes no sense. They’ve always been able to communicate in their heads. Even when they’re so pissed off they refuse to speak in person, they always continue talking to one another in their minds.
Caleb finally says something other than the time. Ask him if he’s been working his mojo on you.
Huh?
Ask him.
I cut off some ridiculous excuse Kellan is rambling off with Caleb’s question. Without blinking, he tells me yes.
Order him to stop, Caleb barks.
I don’t see how this—
NOW!
“Whatever you’re doing, stop now,” I tell Kellan. His eyes go flinty. “I don’t want you to work on me, okay?”
FORBID IT!
“I . . . I forbid it.” And then, a flood of emotions crash down upon me like a tidal wave: terror and hopelessness, fear and panic.
Oh my gods, oh my gods, OH MY GODS.
“What the hell, Kellan?” I shriek. “How long have you been doing this to me?”
He looks me straight in the eye. “Since the moment I left you in the dark to hunt for a way out.”
I can barely even focus. The emotions crash against each other in me, making me so nauseous all I want to do is lay down and sob.
Why didn’t I see this? Caleb frets. Here we were, so worried you’d deplete yourself when it should have been obvious he was taking the hit so you could stay calm. This is why he can’t talk to his brother. Do you understand? He’s been using up all of his Magic to keep you safe.
More importantly, how had I missed it?
I promptly burst into tears. The moment I feel even the slightest bit calmer, I shout, “STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!”
Anxiety rushes back, even as he attempts to assure me he’s okay enough to continue influencing me. So I cry even harder—how could I have even entertained the slightest notion of picking fights with him earlier? Why would I have done that? What kind of crazy, sick girl am I?
He’s way too good to me, to the point he put his welfare and his own state of mind far below the needs he saw in me, which is exactly what we fought about. Me never thinking about his wants and needs, and him bending over backwards to give me mine.
When I begin to hyperventilate, he grabs my hands. “Don’t cry. It’s okay, I swear—”
I yank them free. “We’re going to die in here! Jonah is trapped—who knows if he’s really okay or not? And we’re fighting, and I hate it, and I’m so sorry, and I’m hungry and . . . gods, are you hungry? Are you okay?” My arms whip around like a madwoman’s; I’ve reached banshee-level wailing. “How are you doing? I’m not asking enough. I’m so selfish! I haven’t been asking enough. I need you to be okay. Are you okay? I need us to be okay. All of us. Oh my gods, nothing’s okay, Kellan!”
As crazy as I am, the craziest thing of all is that Kellan doesn’t hesitate. One second I’m having a full-on, nuclear meltdown that has rocks around us exploding like firecrackers and the next his arms are around me.
My world stills.
Caleb doesn’t bother saying a single word. He knows it’s pointless. Instead, he buries himself in the furthest corner of my mind he can find.
I can’t help but think of when my life imploded last year after I found Jonah kissing Callie. Everything in me short-circuited, leaving one, small instinct left: go and find Kellan. And I had. I ran straight to him, even though my heart was destroyed and I was blacking out and doing all sorts of horribly embarrassing things to admit to doing in light of seeing a kiss between my Connection and his ex-girlfriend. And Kellan made it better.
Like he’s making it better now. Not with his mojo, not like the last couple days of full-on Emotional tweaking, but just by being him. By touching me.