A moment of silence. “Where we’re headed... River is there. He’s been staying there. Can you handle seeing him?”
Good question. The brother who used to hold me when I cried, who used to tell me everything would be okay, that he would always take care of me, the brother who did his best to save—
I’m just supposed to smile when he turns his back on me?
And he will turn his back on me. Our crew lives by a single motto. Lie and Die, Betray and Pay. When my association with Anima was first found out, protocol demanded River feed me the barrel of a .44. He kicked me out instead, still in protector mode, I suppose.
“You won’t know anything is wrong with me,” I say on a trembling breath. I’m needed, and there’s no way I’ll let anyone else down just because I’m cut to ribbons inside.
“I won’t know anything is wrong with you...but something will be wrong with you.” The words should be a question, but he’s made them a statement. “You can’t... You shouldn’t...” He jerks a hand through his hair. “Damn it. You’re twisting up my guts. Stop.”
“How am I twisting—”
“Stop.”
Fine. Whatever. I answer his nonquestion. “I can’t control what I feel, but I can control how I react to those feelings.”
“And that makes your pain any less real?”
“No, but feelings change all the time, for a million different reasons. They’re unreliable and therefore inconsequential in the big scheme of things. Why give in to the worst of them?”
His lips purse. “What about love?”
It’s a very personal question, but I find myself saying, “Love is a choice, not an emotion.”
He’s shaking his head before I’ve finished speaking. “You’re telling me a man and woman should decide to be together, rather than waiting to fall for each other?”
“I’m talking about love. You’re talking about chemistry.”
“I love Kat. I don’t chemistry her.”
I don’t know why, but hearing him say he still loves the girl who continually tells him to date other people is worse than River’s potential rejection. “Real love never fails, never fades, and the greatest expression of it is giving.”
“I give—gave—her everything.”
“Did you really? Did you give her your time and attention when you were busy with other things? Did you put her happiness before your own? Did you give her what she needed or what she wanted?”
A muscle jumps beneath his eye. “I’m done with this conversation.”
Well. Score one, Milla.
He turns onto a redbrick road, where a towering, intricately twisted wrought-iron gate blocks our entrance. As we slow, that gate opens automatically and we’re able to cruise down the drive and park in front of...a hotel?
No, I realize. This is Reeve Ankh’s new house. A massive plantation with white shuttered windows, massive columns and a wraparound portico. Pecan and apple trees intermingle along the front of the property, a display of nature’s best. To the left are strawberry and blackberry vines, and the sweet fruits scent the air.
“While we’re here, you stay by my side,” Frosty says as we climb the porch steps. “Got it?”
“Sir, yes, sir. Do you?”
“I won’t try to ditch you, if that’s what you’re hinting at. Not here, at least.”
His determination to keep me in his sights gives me pause. Usually he can’t wait to ditch me. Why would he—
The truth hits, and for a moment, I’m blindsided. After all the time we’ve spent together, he doesn’t trust me. Not even a little. He thinks I’ll sneak off, maybe try to destroy the security system or something equally disastrous.
I don’t know why I expected better. He’s giving me what I deserve. What I will always deserve. I need to take my licks like a big girl and move on.
Feelings are inconsequential, right?
“We’ll get Reeve to run those tests before we leave,” he says. “I want to give the newest dose of antidote time to do its thing first.”
“Pleasure before business. Got it.”
The moment we reach the tall, arched front doors, they open from the inside. The reason pats Frosty on the shoulder. Justin Silverstone.
I wish I could hold out hope for the same forgiveness he was granted after working with Anima, but I know better.
“Hey, man.” Justin clasps hands with Frosty and the two perform some kind of manly chest bump. With his dark hair and even darker eyes, he’s a big ole bowl of puppy-dog cuteness.
Frosty scans the open foyer, which is currently devoid of furniture. Are Cole and the others afraid something will happen to this new place, so don’t want to bother decorating? Or did they just not have time?
“Cole and Ali still around?”
“Yeah. Everyone’s in the gym.” Justin gives me an appreciative once-over. “You’re Milla, right?”
“That’s right.” If he insults me, I’ll...take it.