I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Ashlynn was the first person I had revealed my true self to and she had accepted me with open arms and kisses. I knew not everyone would be like that, but a guy can hope, right?
That’s all anyone has. Hope. We hope for the good to happen instead of the bad, but sometimes the bad does, in fact, happen and we have to struggle through it. It’s the struggle to get you to open your eyes and learn from it. That’s what’s so beautiful about the struggle. You hopefully become a stronger person on the other end. It’s about the journey and learning something and incorporating it into your own life. You have to believe.
Belief. When we’re little we believe in the tooth fairy and elves. We believe in the magic. When we grow into adults, we learn that all of those things were make believe. Someone thought of them.
But what if it wasn’t made up? What if those things existed in our time and someone just added in the mythical creatures and the magical lamps? Because in our time those unicorns could be horses. Those magic carpets could be segways. Those magic lamps could be our prayers.
And sometimes our prayers aren’t answered and we have to find it for ourselves. Because just like in those fairytales where the prince would rescue the damsel in distress from the dragon, maybe that’s me fighting discrimination and the hatred of others for my love. Who I choose. Who I want. I can only hope that the people who love me accept me for me. I have to believe that that’s the case.
In the end, those are the only things we do have. Hope, dreams and belief.
With her arms wrapped around me, Ash kissed my cheek and whispered, “I’m here for you Derrick.”
Nodding my head, I said, “I know, Ash. I really appreciate it.”
Ash asked, “Who else have you told?” She unwrapped her arms from around my neck.
Shaking my head back and forth, I closed my eyes and said, “Nobody.” Opening them and looking straight into Ash’s, I whispered, “You’re the first.”
I watched as a smile appeared on her lips and a twinkle and unshed tears formed in her eyes. I noticed her lower lip started to twitch, so I took her hands in mine and held onto them for dear life. I wrapped my thumbs in her tiny little hands and she looked down at them. The next thing I knew I felt moisture falling onto my hands.
I let her cry. I didn’t know why she was, but I let her. A few minutes went by in silence except for the sniffle of her nose.
Slowly unwrapping her hands from mine, my eyes flickered up to meet Ash’s. She was watching me carefully and with much content in her eyes.
I didn’t understand where this was coming from so I whispered, “What?”
Wiping a few tears away, Ashlynn said, “I’m very touched that I’m the first person you told, Derrick.” Shaking her head, Ash closed her eyes and took a second to put her emotions together. “I can’t imagine just how hard that must have been for you to tell me.” She sucked in a breath. “Thank you.” Ash took my hands in hers. “I’m so proud of you, Derrick Miles.”
Nodding my head, I couldn’t believe how emotional I was getting. I felt like I could finally breathe. I was being suffocated for so long and I could finally be set free with who I was. Who I was proud to be. Granted, I had only told one person, but I felt relieved that Ash had still accepted me. She loved me for me. For who I was. I was so thankful and grateful to have a best friend like her.
Patting Ashlynn on the back, I said, “Let’s go get something to eat. I’m starving.” As soon as those words left my mouth my stomach grumbled loudly. Looking down, I brought my hand up to my stomach and started to laugh. “Wow, that’s embarrassing.”
I could hear Ash laughing, so I looked over at her; her blonde hair waving every which way from her head falling backwards, her mouth opened wide and a beautiful laugh escaping. Her chest bouncing up and down from laughing so hard.
I took in her appearance. She really was a beautiful girl and I wanted so badly for her to find happiness—I just didn’t know who with. Once Ash opened her eyes, I saw tears roll down her face with bits of black mascara along with it. This time I knew they were happy tears.
Wrapping her arm around my waist, Ash laughed out, “All right, let’s go, fatty!”
Ash then wrapped her arms tightly around my waist and laughed into my chest.
Placing my hands on Ash’s shoulders, I nudged her away and looked down at her. Tilting my head to the side, I placed my hand on her forehead and asked, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, why?”
Chuckling, I said, “Well, by us going to lunch, we would be skipping chem lab. You realize that, right?”