“Where are we going to stay, Ryder?” I asked seriously.
Pointing up to the ceiling, he said, “Stay in one of the rooms upstairs.”
As I looked at Gabe, I knew we wouldn’t make it home. Plus, I knew I’d need help carrying him into his house.
“Okay,” I agreed. “Will you help me carry him upstairs?”
“Sure thing, Sar-bear,” Ryder said as he smiled at me. Walking towards Gabe, Ryder hoisted him over his shoulder and started to walk up the stairs.
Stumbling behind them, I walked up the stairs and followed Ryder into a room.
After dropping Gabe on the bed, Ryder started to walk out of the room. But I stopped him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. Giving me a hug back, Ryder questioned, “What was that for?” after we let one another go.
Shrugging my shoulders I said, “You’re my best friend, Ryder. I just hope you find someone someday and they make you really happy.”
“I will. Don’t worry about me, Sar,” Ryder waved his hand to the side. Giving a lopsided grin, he said, “But when I find her? She’ll definitely be worth it.”
“How do you know?” I asked as I tilted my head to the side.
With a small smile appearing on his face, he muttered under his breath, “I have an idea.”
Chapter 18
Sarah
I can’t believe the summer is almost halfway over.
As I turned over onto my back and felt the heat of the sun hitting my body, a frown appeared on my face. Why is it that when we want something to end it goes by so goddamn slow? But when we want something to go by as slow as humanly possible, as slow as it will allow, it goes by in the blink of an eye?
That’s what this summer is doing. Every day goes by just a little bit faster than the last and it seems like just yesterday we were graduating from high school. But now? Now we’re in the middle of June.
I’ve been communicating back and forth with my roommate. Her name’s Christie something or other. I don’t think we’ll get along because she seems pretty big into parties and one night stands and stuff like that. I’ve slowly been getting things for my dorm room. I get excited about starting school but then I realize that it’s slowly creeping on me and that the faster this day comes, the faster I’m going to be so, so far away from Gabe. We’ve talked about it. A lot. About what we’re going to do. How we’ re going to talk all of the time, but a little part of me still has some regret.
I regret not being with Gabe sooner and how badly I treated him when I first met him. You never really know what you have until it’s gone. And then you realize how great you had it. And you wish that you could’ve changed things about how you acted. But we can’t do that. We can’t rewind time. We can only go forward and hopefully learn from our mistakes and deal with the struggles we face. That’s what makes it beautiful.
Because we, as human beings, as people, we go through insignificant turmoil and sadness and utter betrayal. Yet we’re still able to face reality. We’re able to get up in the morning and put a smile on our faces, even though sometimes it’s forced. Because the one thing no one can take away from us is our hopes, our beliefs, and our dreams. While in the hardest and darkest parts of our days, there’s still that little glimmer of light in all of us. That’s what makes us, each and every single one of us, beautiful.
I can’t tell you what the future holds for the two of us. But what I can tell you is that at seventeen years old I fell in love. Not the little kid kind. I’m talking about the real, sharing the same tooth brush, going through the ups and downs, never giving up, and fighting for us the rest of our lives, type of love. The kind that not every one finds.
To say I found it and experienced it at seventeen is nothing short of a miracle. The fact that I almost didn’t have it, well, that’s what makes the choices we have beautiful. Because I chose Gabe. I went against everything I believed in. Everything I was terrified of facing and may be losing. And I gained so many beautiful things.
Things that everyone wants in life, but some are just too scared to go after. I made a choice and I was tired of just going through the steps of life. For once, I wanted to live. To experience everything life had to offer. I wanted the mistakes and the messes. The struggles and the ideas.
That’s what I learned this year. The year of 2009. I learned that I make my own choices in life. No one else makes those for me. And I’m so grateful that I finally learned that. It’s probably the easiest thing to realize in life. But some? They never learn that. Because they’re surrounded by a society that makes decisions for them. We read in magazines and see on television and social media what beauty is. Or at least, that’s what everyone thinks.